When I was young, everyone had high expectations for me-- not just my family, but my teachers, friends and peers. I was supposed to do something earth shattering to help improve my life and the lives of those around me; Not just the people I love, but also the people I don't really care for.
I was well on the road to becoming something amazing. In many ways, i'm glad that I didn't. My health and safety were in jeopardy. I was risking my own humiliation, as well as legal repercussions, just to be heard by the people who really could make a difference. Fortunately, for me, my life took a very different turn. I am alive and well, but now I feel like I'm a waste of oxygen because I am not doing anything-- I used to create and inspire, now I just get through the days and try not to cause a fuss.
6 years later, I am still mad as hell but I choose to deal with it rather than rock the boat. Now, it isn't just me who could fail... it could put My Husband in an awkward position.
A line from an old tv show sticks in my head. "You can't fight City Hall. You can't fight Corporate America."
When did we let things get so out of hand? Why did we give up our country? The government owns us and we are too afraid to lash out and get the benefits we deserve because they will tap our phones and throw us in jail on some fictional charge that they dreamed up while sitting in the living room of one of their many Barbie dream homes.
Meanwhile, My Husband, Myself, our fetus, and Our Roommate share a 2 bedroom 1,ooo square foot apartment that we pay entirely too much to live in. When my husband is working overnight, he can't sleep due to the noise of our upstairs tormenters or some crazed leaf blower trying to rid the world of silence.
We live on the second floor, and we can hear just about everything that goes on in our building. Luxury apartments? Really? I didn't know that we were living in Luxury Apartment Homes until one of my coworkers told me. "Oh, you live in the luxury complex! It must be really nice". "What complex are you talking about? These aren't luxury apartments... "
At that point, I realized why we were paying so much. We just really liked the location and they gave us a pretty good deal when we moved in. Since that time, the complex is under new management. I would love to really tell them what I think, but if they evict us... what will we do?
I guess the rest of America has that same mentality. "We can't fight... what if they do something?" That's why we don't fight for health care or better pay. That's why no one protested the bank bailout. Speaking of protests... where are they? Why aren't we sreaming at the top of our lungs? Half of Americans are unemployed right now, what's the worst that can happen? You go to jail where the feed you and provide shelter 24 hours a day?
We can have better lives, with less stress, we just have to stop trying to win whatever game we think we're in-- no one else is playing. It's just us.
I wanted to be something amazing... but I can't help anyone. Maybe the next generation will realize that we've been too quiet for too long. Hopefully, they won't fall into the social coma that we can't wake from.
Or maybe I just need some of those delicious little pills that make it all okay.
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