Lately, I've found that I have lots of time to do unproductive things like read magazines, watch tv, and be online. See, these are things that I can do on the couch while the baby is sleeping. I have tried cleaning while she is asleep but, for some reason, the thought of me accomplishing something around the house is very offensive to my 4 week old and she starts crying uncontrollably whenever I try.
Since I enjoy my hearing, I have given up.
In the meantime, I have learned a lot about stocks, bonds, mutual funds, savings accounts, weird headlines around the world, how to get the most for your money when doing remodeling, how to open a door with a credit card, where you can find the best coupons, services that offer a week's worth of food to families for insanely low prices (I plan on using some of these. Their motto, "if you eat, you qualify" well, we eat and we are on a tight budget) and what it takes to get on to The Price is Right.
When I'm not able to learn things online, I watch tv. Or movies. Lately, movies. Redbox is my friend. Usually, I'll stop by Redbox while on one of our "please stop crying and go to sleep" drives at 3am.
Here's a short list of movies I think you should watch:
1. Inkheart. It's pretty good and there's a scene that includes a shirtless male twirling fire.
2. Confessions of a Shopaholic. I might have a little bit of a shopping addiction and I really, really liked seeing someone that was waaaay worse than me. I don't buy designer clothes or anything, I just buy things that are a little less than useful (i.e.: book binding machine/laminator. Great in theory, only works with a specific type of book. I have not tested the laminator. )
3. Gran Turino. LOVE. Seriously... watch this movie. repeatedly. and cry.
4. Yes, Man. It really makes me want to try it.
5. Seasons 2, 3, and 4 of How I Met Your Mother. Okay, it isn't a movie but you should still watch it.
6. Martian Child. I love this movie so much but maybe that's because I was the weird kid.
And here's a list of movies I think you should skip... also titled "Give me my 2 hours back":
1. Medea Goes to Jail. The play is awesome, the movie is boring.
2. He's Just Not That Into You. Boring and slow and not pretty.
3. Bedtime Stories. It was alright but I wouldn't recommend it.
4. Into the Wild. Slow and sad.
5. Mamma Mia. I want my time, energy, and happiness back.
I am taking care of my child, I just have a lot of hours to fill while she is sleeping. I wish I could sleep myself, but it usually doesn't happen that way. So... if you have any good movie recommendations I'll be happy to give them a spin!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
be thankful...
There are a lot of perks to being a military wife. Seriously. I know it may sound like a joke, but i'm not kidding!
For example, my husband is in charge of a very expensive plane. He is required to have X amount of hours sleep before he is allowed to fly said UNMANNED plane. This means that I get baby duty while he is sleeping. Tonight, he went to work at 10pm. I've been on baby duty since noon yesterday. He called me this morning to say that he will not be leaving until at least 9 am. That means he will be home around 10 at the earliest.
That means that when he gets home, even if I go straight to bed, I'll get 3 hours of sleep, max. Why don't I sleep while the baby sleeps? I'm glad you asked! It's impossible. Just about the time I get to sleep, she wakes up and needs something. I fix whatever is wrong and lay back down. By the time I get to sleep, she's awake and crying. Rinse and repeat.
Most nights I can at least get a nap but tonight I got to experience my first infant fever. I thought about taking her to the hospital but realized that 99.5 isn't high enough to worry about and, besides, I can't drive anyway.
The after-hours nurse told me to have my husband bring her in if her fever got above 100. Fortunately, it did not.
Now I'm sitting on the couch, with my fussy little baby, waiting for My Husband to walk through the door. Honestly, I don't think I've ever been this excited about him coming home when nothing special is happening. Well, maybe a few times, but still... it's going to rock.
- Free Health Care: Yes, that's right, 100% totally free. I'm sick, I go to the doctor, I show my id, get seen and walk out. No paperwork. No bills. Giving birth did not cost me a dime. Not even for my meals. With all of the complications, my baby could have been hundreds of thousands of dollars.
- Getting to Visit New Places: We probably never would have come to Las Vegas if My Husband hadn't gotten stationed here and I know for a fact that we would not have gone to San Angelo, Tx, if we hadn't been forced to.
- Lots of Friends: We meet a lot of people and have friends all over the world. We haven't gone all over the world yet, but our friends have been scattered.
- Learning Fun Acronyms and Abbreviations: The Air Force loooves their acronyms like POTUS, TDY, PCS, GCS, DITY, BX, AFFES, WTS... plus, when talking about My Husbands boss, we have to call him/her "The Shirt"
- Military Weddings: We have to renew our vows because, at a military wedding, you leave the chapel through an arch of sabres (also spelled saber) Seriously. An arch of swords, people in uniforms, how hot is that?
For example, my husband is in charge of a very expensive plane. He is required to have X amount of hours sleep before he is allowed to fly said UNMANNED plane. This means that I get baby duty while he is sleeping. Tonight, he went to work at 10pm. I've been on baby duty since noon yesterday. He called me this morning to say that he will not be leaving until at least 9 am. That means he will be home around 10 at the earliest.
That means that when he gets home, even if I go straight to bed, I'll get 3 hours of sleep, max. Why don't I sleep while the baby sleeps? I'm glad you asked! It's impossible. Just about the time I get to sleep, she wakes up and needs something. I fix whatever is wrong and lay back down. By the time I get to sleep, she's awake and crying. Rinse and repeat.
Most nights I can at least get a nap but tonight I got to experience my first infant fever. I thought about taking her to the hospital but realized that 99.5 isn't high enough to worry about and, besides, I can't drive anyway.
The after-hours nurse told me to have my husband bring her in if her fever got above 100. Fortunately, it did not.
Now I'm sitting on the couch, with my fussy little baby, waiting for My Husband to walk through the door. Honestly, I don't think I've ever been this excited about him coming home when nothing special is happening. Well, maybe a few times, but still... it's going to rock.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Virtual Shower, Actual Awesomeness
On Sunday, Hey You from TheHuckablog hosted a super awesome virtual baby shower for us and Alyssa. She sent us boxes of presents and a box full of decorations to match what she had her house decorated with, then we busted out the webcams and Skyped the whole thing. It was so awesome and I really wish I could have been there in person. When we were planning the shower, there was no way that I could have made it. Now, apparently, I'm going to be going 'home' in a few weeks. I totally could have been there!
The trip wasn't finalized until after he shower so I didn't know when or if I would actually be there. My Mammaw is very, very sick and she's going to be celebrating her 92nd birthday. We all really want her to meet her granddaughter, so we decided that we should make a trip. Unfortunately, My Husband wasn't able to get any leave approved so it will just be a trip for the two of us. Her first vacation!
Anyway, back to the shower.
It was so awesome! The decorations were amazing- I couldn't believe they worked so hard on them! The gifts were so thoughtful and very much appreciated and it was super exciting to get to see my friends together even if I couldn't be there. My Husband's favorite part was one of the shower games. Hey You wrote down what we first said when we opened each gift. From our responses, she made a list of things that were probably said on the night of conception. It was hilarious.
Somehow, I managed to not charge the camera battery before the shower, so I only have a few pictures. However, I will make up for it by displaying other pictures! YAY!!!!
My Husband's squadron sent us this awesome diaper cake! Their mascot is a bull and the wives club is named the Lady Bulls (because we didn't want to be The Cows...) so they even included a cute little beanie bull!
the pile of presents!
Now we move into non-shower pictures. This is Alyssa in the waiting room for her 2 week checkup.
My Brother holding Alyssa! We were still the same age at the time but we celebrated his birthday while he was here.
After delivery, work sent me a box full of logo baby stuff! (wow, I'm really starting to let go of that anonymity thing...)
My Mom (Gigi, Granmomma... we're still working on it) holding Alyssa in the hospital. Yes, Alyssa is holding her own head up. She's been doing that since day 1.
The end!
The trip wasn't finalized until after he shower so I didn't know when or if I would actually be there. My Mammaw is very, very sick and she's going to be celebrating her 92nd birthday. We all really want her to meet her granddaughter, so we decided that we should make a trip. Unfortunately, My Husband wasn't able to get any leave approved so it will just be a trip for the two of us. Her first vacation!
Anyway, back to the shower.
It was so awesome! The decorations were amazing- I couldn't believe they worked so hard on them! The gifts were so thoughtful and very much appreciated and it was super exciting to get to see my friends together even if I couldn't be there. My Husband's favorite part was one of the shower games. Hey You wrote down what we first said when we opened each gift. From our responses, she made a list of things that were probably said on the night of conception. It was hilarious.
Somehow, I managed to not charge the camera battery before the shower, so I only have a few pictures. However, I will make up for it by displaying other pictures! YAY!!!!
My Husband's squadron sent us this awesome diaper cake! Their mascot is a bull and the wives club is named the Lady Bulls (because we didn't want to be The Cows...) so they even included a cute little beanie bull!
the pile of presents!
Now we move into non-shower pictures. This is Alyssa in the waiting room for her 2 week checkup.
My Brother holding Alyssa! We were still the same age at the time but we celebrated his birthday while he was here.
After delivery, work sent me a box full of logo baby stuff! (wow, I'm really starting to let go of that anonymity thing...)
My Mom (Gigi, Granmomma... we're still working on it) holding Alyssa in the hospital. Yes, Alyssa is holding her own head up. She's been doing that since day 1.
The end!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Chapter 1: Starting Over
During their lives, most people wish that they could hit the reset button and try again. In golf, it's called a mulligan, on the playground it's a do-over and with pinball, well, it's a power outage.
Right now I have a core group of friends that has been with me for years. Some are newer than others but they are all equally important and loved. These people are my friends even though they have seen my worst moments and know my worst secrets.
I am one of the luckiest people in the world because I count my mom as one of my best friends. We weren't always very close and we still have our moments where we aren't very nice, but I wouldn't trade our relationship for any thing. Seriously. Not even money. That's love right there.
I want to have that kind of relationship with my daughter. I know that she needs a parent more than a friend, but I hope that we can be best friends even though I'll have to ground her and keep her from walking out the door dressed like that.
This little girl is the most important thing in my life right now and I feel like I've been given the opportunity to hit my reset button. I can start over and be the best person, parent, teacher, friend that I know how to be.
This time I'm going to do things the right way. I'll eat my vegetables, do my homework, and always say I love you before I leave. I'm going to make mistakes and I hope that she will forgive me. I hope that I will forgive myself. It isn't going to be perfect but maybe it will be close enough.
Right now I have a core group of friends that has been with me for years. Some are newer than others but they are all equally important and loved. These people are my friends even though they have seen my worst moments and know my worst secrets.
I am one of the luckiest people in the world because I count my mom as one of my best friends. We weren't always very close and we still have our moments where we aren't very nice, but I wouldn't trade our relationship for any thing. Seriously. Not even money. That's love right there.
I want to have that kind of relationship with my daughter. I know that she needs a parent more than a friend, but I hope that we can be best friends even though I'll have to ground her and keep her from walking out the door dressed like that.
This little girl is the most important thing in my life right now and I feel like I've been given the opportunity to hit my reset button. I can start over and be the best person, parent, teacher, friend that I know how to be.
This time I'm going to do things the right way. I'll eat my vegetables, do my homework, and always say I love you before I leave. I'm going to make mistakes and I hope that she will forgive me. I hope that I will forgive myself. It isn't going to be perfect but maybe it will be close enough.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Holy crap, what did you eat?!
There are a lot of things that people don't tell you about the first weeks of motherhood-- for instance, that you will probably injure your baby. There are also a lot of lies that get spread: "If you breastfeed, their diapers won't stink as bad!" Riiiiiight. 'Kay. So, if you use formula, your child will be able to gag the neighbors? Sometimes it nearly knocks me over and I'm used to 'manly men' and their lax rules about public flatulence (one of the many perks of having a military husband)
It feels good to know that, at one point in my life, I was content to suck on a boob, throw up, crap my pants and pass out. Then again, that sounds like a lot of my old friends' daily routines.
Taking on the responsibility of a child may sound like a good idea, hell, it may feel like a good idea, but make sure you think it through. Here is a list of 10 reasons to reconsider that condom:
1. You will have to change their diaper. A lot. When you're half asleep and your motor functions aren't quite up to par. If you are not okay with being covered in poo, you really, really need to think about this.
2. They eat every 2 hours. This may seem like a long time but 30 minutes of that 2 hours is spent feeding them, so really, they eat every hour and a half. Think about the time it takes you to fall back asleep once you've been rudely woken up in the middle of the night. Now think about how many hours of sleep you need so that you can go to work in the morning. Realize that you will not sleep. Ever.
3. They're cute as hell and everyone is going to tell you how awesome they are. This may seem like a perk until it's 4:30 am, you haven't showered in a week, there is spit-up in your hair and all down your back and your little darling just won't stop crying. They aren't so cute then.
4. There is nothing good on t.v. This may not seem relevant until you've been awake for 54 hours watching MASH reruns. It is a lot easier to stay awake if you have something to distract you. Even if you have HBO, half of the movies are crap.
5. You will start to worry when they stop crying. Seriously. If the kid hasn't cried in 4 hours, you will begin to panic. Your partner will not appreciate you waking them up to ask if you should take the baby to the doctor. I believe this could be one of the top 5 reasons that spouses are murdered.
6. You are going to feel like you are doing everything wrong. This can be very challenging those that aren't used to being wrong. In fact, you may just feel like the universe has exploded and is focusing all of it's destructive energy on your life. This could be very damaging if you are that sort of person. Yep.
7. People give you the dumbest advice and you have to seem happy about it. Well, you should seem happy about it because it gets them to stop talking. "Don't forget to rub vinegar in their hair. It'll prevent cradle cap!" Riiight.... because science works that way. The truth is, NO IT DOESN'T, SHUT YOUR HOLE.
8. Strangers think it's alright to make jokes about your kid. "She's a feisty one, isn't she?!" Yeah. She's wiggly. She's trying to crawl to your throat and strangle you. You want to talk about a kid being fussy, have one of your own. There is not enough sleep in the world to make a parent think your jackassery is funny.
9. Even though they can't even crawl yet, you will start to worry about their future. Not like "Oh, she'll be one in a few months" no, much worse "Oh my god, she's going to start dating any day now. What the hell am I going to do?" Your mother was right, you will get paid back for your raising.
10. Aside from all of the physical, mental, and emotional changes you realize that this is a huge, life altering event. You will never again be able to go to the bathroom in peace.
This list may make it seem like no one on earth should ever have a child, and I'm not saying that. In fact, I love being a new mom. It's awesome. I created a human and now I get to watch them grow and discover everything for the first time. I'll get to help shape their personality and hopefully teach them to make good decisions. I'll be there to hold her and cry with her when she makes bad decisions. We are going to become this awesome family and there is no better feeling in the world than comforting your new child when no one else can. Seriously. It makes me feel like I'm this crazy powerful being with magical powers (boobs)
If you are currently thinking about starting a family, block out all of the fuzzy happy thoughts and really focus on the downside. If you're still excited, then go for it. It's the best thing you'll ever do.
It feels good to know that, at one point in my life, I was content to suck on a boob, throw up, crap my pants and pass out. Then again, that sounds like a lot of my old friends' daily routines.
Taking on the responsibility of a child may sound like a good idea, hell, it may feel like a good idea, but make sure you think it through. Here is a list of 10 reasons to reconsider that condom:
1. You will have to change their diaper. A lot. When you're half asleep and your motor functions aren't quite up to par. If you are not okay with being covered in poo, you really, really need to think about this.
2. They eat every 2 hours. This may seem like a long time but 30 minutes of that 2 hours is spent feeding them, so really, they eat every hour and a half. Think about the time it takes you to fall back asleep once you've been rudely woken up in the middle of the night. Now think about how many hours of sleep you need so that you can go to work in the morning. Realize that you will not sleep. Ever.
3. They're cute as hell and everyone is going to tell you how awesome they are. This may seem like a perk until it's 4:30 am, you haven't showered in a week, there is spit-up in your hair and all down your back and your little darling just won't stop crying. They aren't so cute then.
4. There is nothing good on t.v. This may not seem relevant until you've been awake for 54 hours watching MASH reruns. It is a lot easier to stay awake if you have something to distract you. Even if you have HBO, half of the movies are crap.
5. You will start to worry when they stop crying. Seriously. If the kid hasn't cried in 4 hours, you will begin to panic. Your partner will not appreciate you waking them up to ask if you should take the baby to the doctor. I believe this could be one of the top 5 reasons that spouses are murdered.
6. You are going to feel like you are doing everything wrong. This can be very challenging those that aren't used to being wrong. In fact, you may just feel like the universe has exploded and is focusing all of it's destructive energy on your life. This could be very damaging if you are that sort of person. Yep.
7. People give you the dumbest advice and you have to seem happy about it. Well, you should seem happy about it because it gets them to stop talking. "Don't forget to rub vinegar in their hair. It'll prevent cradle cap!" Riiight.... because science works that way. The truth is, NO IT DOESN'T, SHUT YOUR HOLE.
8. Strangers think it's alright to make jokes about your kid. "She's a feisty one, isn't she?!" Yeah. She's wiggly. She's trying to crawl to your throat and strangle you. You want to talk about a kid being fussy, have one of your own. There is not enough sleep in the world to make a parent think your jackassery is funny.
9. Even though they can't even crawl yet, you will start to worry about their future. Not like "Oh, she'll be one in a few months" no, much worse "Oh my god, she's going to start dating any day now. What the hell am I going to do?" Your mother was right, you will get paid back for your raising.
10. Aside from all of the physical, mental, and emotional changes you realize that this is a huge, life altering event. You will never again be able to go to the bathroom in peace.
This list may make it seem like no one on earth should ever have a child, and I'm not saying that. In fact, I love being a new mom. It's awesome. I created a human and now I get to watch them grow and discover everything for the first time. I'll get to help shape their personality and hopefully teach them to make good decisions. I'll be there to hold her and cry with her when she makes bad decisions. We are going to become this awesome family and there is no better feeling in the world than comforting your new child when no one else can. Seriously. It makes me feel like I'm this crazy powerful being with magical powers (boobs)
If you are currently thinking about starting a family, block out all of the fuzzy happy thoughts and really focus on the downside. If you're still excited, then go for it. It's the best thing you'll ever do.
Friday, July 3, 2009
What is this thing and why is it crying?
It's been a little over a week since my amazingly adorable bundle of human came out. My Parents have left, the party is over, and I'm freaking exhausted. A few days ago I started having a horrible reaction to the Percocet I was on... my legs swelled up really huge and I got this horrible itchy rash all over my body. "Oh, Percocet does that to some people. Sorry!"
There was also a horrifying 'almost 911 call' because I was breathing but completely unresponsive. I blamed the Percocet, so I stopped taking it. Let's talk about pain for a moment, shall we? Between incision pain, contractions, labor, random horrible aches that will 'go away in time', and headaches from all the drugs I've been in a whole lot of pain since the 22nd.
Did I mention I was in labor for something like 30 hours before the c-section?
Shortly after I stopped taking my pain medication, I realized that half the reason I'm doing so much better than everyone expected is because I was stoned out of my mind on Percocet. What else can I take? Nothing! ... Lovely.
Back to the point
So, pain plus lack of sleep plus cranky equals a very bad time for depression. But sure as shit, the 'baby blues' come stompin' down my street lookin' for a place to crash. I have cried and gotten angry and, as much as I hate to admit it, thought about just giving her to my parents and having a new sister rather than a daughter.
My Husband has tried to be helpful but he's tired too and has been a little too eager to focus on all of the things that I'm screwing up. I forgot to pay our cable bill, put something in the wrong place, growled at him in my sleep, forgot I was holding a baby and nearly dropped her, knocked a bunch of stuff over and started crying because I couldn't pick it up, oh, and let the baby roll off the couch. That's right, I've had her less than a month and she's already hit her head. She was on the couch with me, I got up to take something to the kitchen, she rolled over and wiggled her way right onto the floor, smacking her head in the process.
I freaked the fuck out.
I threw everything I was holding into a chair and grabbed her out of My Husband's arms. For the next 10 minutes or so I clung to her like my life depended on it, rocking back and forth, crying. I kept telling her how sorry I was while My Husband yelled at me for being so careless.
That's a great feeling, let me tell you.
I called my mom. Mom used to own a daycare and my dad was an EMT, so I really trust their judgment on how to handle things like this. They said that she was probably fine and that we should keep her up for at least an hour to make sure that she didn't have a concussion. There isn't even a bruise on her head, so I don't think she hurt herself, it was just horrifying.
There are some moments where I feel worthless... like I'm a complete failure and I think about how unlucky she is to have me as a parent because I'm not very good at it. During those times I try to reassure myself that it's mostly the depression that's causing this feeling and that it will get easier and I will get more confident.
Then a little voice in the back of my head chimes in: "What if..."
Right now my relationship with My Husband is strained, I feel disconnected from my baby, and I have yet to receive any payment from my short term disability claim (maternity leave). I know things will get better, I just hope it happens soon.
There was also a horrifying 'almost 911 call' because I was breathing but completely unresponsive. I blamed the Percocet, so I stopped taking it. Let's talk about pain for a moment, shall we? Between incision pain, contractions, labor, random horrible aches that will 'go away in time', and headaches from all the drugs I've been in a whole lot of pain since the 22nd.
Did I mention I was in labor for something like 30 hours before the c-section?
Shortly after I stopped taking my pain medication, I realized that half the reason I'm doing so much better than everyone expected is because I was stoned out of my mind on Percocet. What else can I take? Nothing! ... Lovely.
Back to the point
So, pain plus lack of sleep plus cranky equals a very bad time for depression. But sure as shit, the 'baby blues' come stompin' down my street lookin' for a place to crash. I have cried and gotten angry and, as much as I hate to admit it, thought about just giving her to my parents and having a new sister rather than a daughter.
My Husband has tried to be helpful but he's tired too and has been a little too eager to focus on all of the things that I'm screwing up. I forgot to pay our cable bill, put something in the wrong place, growled at him in my sleep, forgot I was holding a baby and nearly dropped her, knocked a bunch of stuff over and started crying because I couldn't pick it up, oh, and let the baby roll off the couch. That's right, I've had her less than a month and she's already hit her head. She was on the couch with me, I got up to take something to the kitchen, she rolled over and wiggled her way right onto the floor, smacking her head in the process.
I freaked the fuck out.
I threw everything I was holding into a chair and grabbed her out of My Husband's arms. For the next 10 minutes or so I clung to her like my life depended on it, rocking back and forth, crying. I kept telling her how sorry I was while My Husband yelled at me for being so careless.
That's a great feeling, let me tell you.
I called my mom. Mom used to own a daycare and my dad was an EMT, so I really trust their judgment on how to handle things like this. They said that she was probably fine and that we should keep her up for at least an hour to make sure that she didn't have a concussion. There isn't even a bruise on her head, so I don't think she hurt herself, it was just horrifying.
There are some moments where I feel worthless... like I'm a complete failure and I think about how unlucky she is to have me as a parent because I'm not very good at it. During those times I try to reassure myself that it's mostly the depression that's causing this feeling and that it will get easier and I will get more confident.
Then a little voice in the back of my head chimes in: "What if..."
Right now my relationship with My Husband is strained, I feel disconnected from my baby, and I have yet to receive any payment from my short term disability claim (maternity leave). I know things will get better, I just hope it happens soon.
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