A lot of people have given me a lot of shit about letting my daughter stay with her grandparents and great-grandparents in Arkansas.
I have taken it, and taken it, and taken it... but this is it. I'm done.
Point-blank, if I had quit my job to stay home with Alyssa, because that's what it would have taken, we would be homeless.
My husband is a Senior Airman in the United States Air Force and I make more money than he does. I work in a call center. He is a co-pilot for a multi-million dollar plane.
How fair is that?
Note, I said homeless. Not financially strapped, not unable to afford the things we have-- homeless.
Yes, we have several game systems, a large flat panel television, a lay-z-boy recliner and a new couch but we bought most of those things before we had a baby. If we hadn't bought them, we could have put more money in savings, but hey... people with babies work all the time, right?
Sure, if they have a support system, reliable childcare and an easy baby. We had a colicky, fussy baby with a very short temper that felt sleep was for sissies. We also have to deal with my husbands ever-changing schedule and my very demanding job.
We also had no support system and incredibly unreliable childcare.
Do. Not. Judge. Me.
We made the best decision for our family and it has been the single hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Including the time I actually was homeless.
Don't lecture me about missing important events with my daughter. Believe me, I know. I wasn't there for Halloween. I wasn't there when she was sick. I wasn't there for Thanksgiving. I wasn't there to stop her MiMi from giving her applesauce that hurt her tummy. I wasn't there to hold her at night when she missed me. I wasn't there to kiss her when she felt bad.
Everything I have done for the last two and a half months has been solely for the purpose of keeping my mind off of everything.
At work, people see her picture and ask me when I'm going to bring her in. Then I have to explain that she's with her grandparents and it starts all over.
My precious little girl is growing up without me and I hate it.
At least she will be home soon. When she is older, I'm going to have to explain why we did this. I hope she understands. I hope she knows that I didn't want to leave her. I hope she knows that we wanted her to stay with us and that we love her. And I hope she is strong enough to do the same thing if it ever comes down to it.
16 comments:
I'm so sorry people are still giving you grief about this. After people ask about the initial, "Why did you do it?" it should be dropped.
*hugs*
Ok, so you'd be homeless if you'd quit your job. What about the basic allowance for housing that your husband gets for being in the armed forces? What can't you just live on post? I too am a military wife of an E5 and we do just fine without me working and my children are here with me. We have nice things and we live off base as well. Just shut your complaining up you stupid woman and suck it up. You are not the first or only mother to have to leave their child with their parents and you are not the only military wife ever. Shut up you stupid bitch.
Not all military wives work. I agree, somewhat, with the poster above. How in the WORLD are there not a huge stream of homeless military families out there if what you say is true? You knew you were pregnant and was working. SAVE UP FUCKING MONEY.
Live in a shithole. Do without. Whine, whine, whine. What if you didn't have your family? What would you have done then? Abandon her? Put her up for adoption? I can feel no pity for you. From what I know you guys were trying to get pregnant. You had PLENTY OF TIME to prepare yourselves. If not - you just thought you could dump her off of someone.
Having trouble sleeping. Not enough sleep. Oh good God and grow out of it. NO ONE CARES ANYMORE. You abandonded your daughter for the "betterment" of her. Bullshit. You took your daughter away so that you could have good sleep. NO ONE that has a baby, working or not, gets good sleep.
Stop talking about it. You are digging yourself into a bigger hole. No one respects you. If you needed money so badly sell off your "big ticket" items.
And to all the military wives out there that are not working and living in a "make do" place - God bless you.
The baby is better off where it is. You don't blow in a babies face and then laugh at it when it cries. Many people saw you do this. You don't give a baby that young water and only water.
P.S.
When you get the baby back change its damn diaper. Bring a diaper bag with you when you go out. For Christ sake you should be glad no one called Human Services on your ass.
You don't have to worry about her missing you. She doesn't remember you. Sorry, but that is the fact.
Oh, like you are the FIRST ONE to ever have a colicy baby who doesn't sleep! Get off your fucking high horse! Most babies don't want to sleep. Most babies are colicy. ALL BABIES CRY NON STOP THE FIRST FOUR MONTHS OR SO.
Your story is not special. Your case is not special. You abandoned your child...clear and simple. You put the burdon on your aging parents who need their own lives.
Now you WILL NEVER KNOW what it is like to suffer through a newborn. You WILL NEVER KNOW what it is like to experience all there is to experience with having a baby. You are a selfish bitch. "Oh, I need my sleep! It's too hard! My husband works at night! We'll have to live in a shit hole!"
So???????
Here's the thing. You just wasted your time calling me names through a blog that you have wasted time reading.
And I'm the stupid bitch?
If you do know me, and want to man up to your comments, we can discuss this like adults. Otherwise, go harass someone that actually cares what you think.
We can talk shit all day, but when it comes down to it, it won't do either of us any good.
It seems to me that Anonymous could have at least put a little time spacing in between comments so it wouldn't be so blatantly obvious that they are all from the same person.
Well, the ip logging shows two ip addresses, but they are with the same company.
If they had spaced it out a little more, I might have actually believed that more people read my blog!
what was the company? I have had a few of these too but I don't publish them. Is it O you think?
Oh, and my baby so did not cry nonstop for the first three months, only when hungry. Anonymous must not know much about babies. The more i think about this the madder I get!
It could be more than one person - or a bunch of hackers. My computer got hacked into this past week and was leaving people messages on LJ that I do not know. I know of a few other people in the area that got hacked as well.
It COULD be people you know - or just people messing with you. I'm pretty sure your friends know you well enough to actually talk to you about it (like we all did at the start of all of it).
I would really just throw it off as a hacker. The hackers that got into my computer got into ALL of my accounts. Don't think anything else about it. If it is someone you know - well, people are assholes anyways.
And sejh - I hope by "O" you didn't mean me. I don't think we know each other.
She's talking about our old sitter. :D
Oh......*giggles*. I kinda bizarre when I am PMS'ing. *sigh* I need more chocolate.
Ophelia--yes you do know me! And I was not talking about you silly, I was talking about her old sitter. O, for Orintha or something like that.
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