Due to the response of my last blog post, I'd just like to make a few things clear. Please do not take any of this personally, I love you all, I just want you to understand the factors.
1. We do not live on base nor can we afford to break our lease and move on base. Robin could move into the dorms to live for free if we got divorced, but he would lose about a thousand dollars a month in pay. Yeah, I could come home to stay with my parents for a while but then we would have to pay 5k to break our lease, I would have to divorce my husband, and we would still be losing money.
This is going to sound really bitchy and I'm sorry, but I just have to say it. People on and off the blog have suggested that I move in with my parents for a while to save money. We would still have to pay rent on our apartment and our family would still be in separate states and I still wouldn't have an income. How can we keep from breaking up our family by breaking up our family?
2. Her sitter is going to cost me $100 a week. I make $15 an hour, so this really isn't eating into our money. We will be fine, financially, with me going back to work. Even after child care costs.
3. I would be sending money to my parents to take care of Alyssa. She would not be in daycare since they would be watching her. If they needed someone to give them a break, there are 10 people on standby and I would only need to pay them a little bit for their time.
4. Student loan companies will only offer deferments if you haven't had your loans deferred repeatedly. They also don't like to work with you when you have defaulted on them repeatedly in the past. Yeah, I was young, dumb, and financially irresponsible. It has bitten me in the ass more than once.
5.This is something we are considering as an option ONLY if we find that we cannot take care of her while My Husband is working overnight. This is for her well being as well as ours. If we feel that we can't care for her at that time, my parents are willing to step in and help. Since we are states away, we would have to leave her with them until we could go get her. We are under no circumstances abandoning our child, considering giving her up for adoption, or trying to get rid of her.
6. I like pie.
7. After December I will not be working because that awesome bonus would be more than enough to pay off the loan and make sure that we can make the car payment for a while. These are things that my job pays for. My Husband's income covers absolutely everything else. Rent, utilities, groceries, gas, insurance... everything. I technically may not HAVE to go to work, but then we wouldn't have to worry about where the money for the car payment was going to come from. If we get behind on any of our payments, My Husband can lose his job. That's not really something you have to worry about in the civilian sector, but if he gets a dishonorable discharge for failure to meet his financial obligations he will be completely unemployable.
These are the things that we're taking into consideration and we are not going to take this lightly. We are weighing the pros and cons and your input has really helped us try and come up with other solutions.
5 comments:
I know that I don't know you permanently, but I happen to somewhat follow your blog (I found it through Huckablog, which I found from CakeWrecks, which I found from Babycenter - I know, too complicated). And after reading your last 2 blogs and your blog comments, I feel compelled to offer my 2 cents (however unwelcome they may or may not be).
I somewhat disagree with what everyone else seems to say about sending your little girl to her grandparents during this time. I think that sometimes you have to make decisions that are the best for your family as a whole, which includes your marriage. It sounds to me like Alyssa staying with you during this time may contribute to massive stress, which is not necessarily healthy for her OR your marriage. Despite what others may say, I don't believe that a few months is enough for your baby to lose bonding time with you (I have too many military friends, dads AND moms, who were gone from their children for 12-15 months who did not suffer bonding issues because their children were in loving, nurturing homes.) The important thing is that these months will come and go, and then the ideal situation will be upon you.
I just say this to encourage you to make the best decision for your FAMILY, which includes your husband, as well as your little girl. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but for me, I know that when God calls us to something, he doesn't necessarily call everyone else to understand. And when something like this life situation happens, He gives grace to those involved to handle what will happen.
Will either decision be very difficult and require you to be strong and have perseverance? Yes. With either situation, you will have to deny yourself and put others first, which is never easy to do. And so that is why whatever you do, you will have to be totally convinced that THAT is the right thing to give you strength during the months ahead.
Just wanted to encourage you.
Thank you so much for your feedback! I always welcome outside opinions, even if I don't agree with them or necessarily like what is said.
I know everyone wants what is best for us, and I'm so glad that we have so many people who care. I know they will support us no matter what happens.
Reading your comment was like finally taking a breath of fresh air-- someone else doesn't think it's insane.
For now, I'm just going to keep praying that we have the strength to do whatever it takes.
Pop in and say hi when you get the chance, I love meeting new people!
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I don't think you are insane at all for considering the possiblity of letting Alyssa stay with your parents for a few months. I just wanted to bring up other possiblities and see if you had thought of them (which you obviously have).
$100 a week is not bad for childcare at all...I think it's a good idea to give that a try. And if it doesn't work out, there is no one more qualified (and loving) to care for a baby than her than grandparents.
Well, I've thought more about it and since our childcare isn't foolproof (she's kind of flaky sometimes and I don't know anyone else) I may end up not working after all. More on that later.
With what we have in savings and some crazy luck, we might be able to make it.
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