For the last 6 months, we have known that we will be moving to New Mexico in October. Everything was going to work out perfectly since I would get to stay home with the baby and pack, then we would move and we would be able to afford for me to be a full time mom without having to worry that we wouldn't be able to pay our bills.
I worked really hard to pay off our credit cards and pay down our car as much as possible to make things even easier. Currently, I have one student loan to pay off and then we just have our car payment left.
Well, the day My Husband was supposed to get his orders making our move official, the day I was going to officially quit my job, we found out that "Guess what?! Your squadron did something awesome so the President (PotUS) wants to give you guys more work immediately!"
Yes, Obama fucked my plans.
This means that we will not be moving, I have to go back to work, and Alyssa is going to miss her momma for 11 or so hours a day.
Since she doesn't sleep through the night yet, things are going to get really stressful and I just hope that I can make it to December without getting my ass canned. Why December? While I was on maternity leave, our company made a deal with the devil. The new company offered a buttload of cash for employee bonuses. My company decided that the bonuses would be 40% of your pay from July 2008 to July 2009 and will be paid in two installments. The first installment will be paid around Christmas 2009 but you must be an employee in good standing as of December 1st. The second will be paid around Christmas of 2010 but you have to be an employee in good standing as of December 1st 2010.
There's probably no way I'll be getting the second installment, but I sure could use the first one. It would be roughly $7,000.
Well, one of our friends is going to watch Alyssa during the day for about $100 a week. This is all fine and dandy while My Husband has a daytime or afternoon schedule. When he's on overnights? We're fucked.
Insert plan A: Starting October, My Husband will be on overnights. The possible plan A includes taking Alyssa home to stay with Gigi and Grumpy and either her Mimi and Pops can bring her back for Thanksgiving or Gigi and Grumpy will bring her back in December.
This would mean two months away from my precious baby, but also two months of sleep. Worry free.
Plan B: Suffer through it, go batshit crazy and possibly lose my job. I CAN NOT LOSE MY JOB. Everything banks on getting that bonus and I do NOT want to put that in jeopardy. Even if it means my baby gets some extra time with her grandparents.
Now, of course, I would not let my daughter suffer so that I can make some extra cash. That would be insane so please keep your hate comments to a minimum. Her grandparents are totally capable of taking care of her and have support handy if they need a break. My entire family has offered their time and energy, all I have to do is ask and provide some financial compensation (diapers are expensive)
Also, in September I have to have a colposcopy (Copo) to check for cervical cancer since my recent pap came back HPV positive with mild dysplasia to high risk dysplasia. Fabulous.
We have some hard decisions to make and I get the feeling that the next few months are going to be rather exciting indeed.
10 comments:
Um....do you guys not live on base? Or is there cheaper housing? I know your family is more than capable of keeping her (of course they are) - but oh damn....there is no way in hell I could go that long, so many states away, without seeing my daughter (even if I got more sleep). I would live in a smaller place for cheaper rent. I guess I would be doing what we are doing now.
Is there any ways of cutting costs? Cheaper housing, cheaper food, or something? Put your loans on default for a while?
I know you have to do what you have to do - but I'm just worried that you are going to be missing out on all of the kick ass developmental stuff that will be going on. Her first real smile. First real laugh. First sleeping through the night. That time of her life she will really be developing bonds with those around her.
My parents are going to keep Bella overnight for the first time next month for our anniversary - and we are both ALREADY freaking out about it. I would have a panic attack if it was any longer. And yes - I know my parents are more than capable, but she's MY daughter damnit and I change the better diaper! Ahem. I'm not a possessive Mommy at all.
I know the money would be nice, believe me. I dunno how we make it on Brian's silly wages, but we make do. I, personally, couldn't take they money to be that far away from my daughter for that long - and you'll hear a lot of that. But we're different, and in different situations.
Ah - you'll do what you have to do, and of course you will have support from everyone.
And if it is not until October - can you not sleep some in the evenings while he is there - or nap when you get off of work? You could start trying to get her into a sleep routine ..... now ..... and let her get used to it.
There's GOT to be a way besides sending your baby off. People do it all the time!
Yeah - less sleep, extra coffee - just in case something bad happens and you are states away. There are millions of women out there working with a baby, and they are all crazy and out of their minds and hopped up on caffine - but they get to go home to their son/daughter and see their first grin, or their first babble or coo. Hopefully you can work your way around this...because, well, there is no sleep with a child - at any age.
And sorry about the female stuff. I will find out on Thursday if I will need further testing on female stuff. Bella was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to my body, and also the most damaging. We are constantly trying to repair now. So good luck!
We don't live on base and we can't afford to break our lease. :(
Strangely, Alyssa is developing at light speed and has been smiling and giggling for a while now. I seriously expect her to start full out crawling any day now. She's been scooting on the floor for a while now (she actually bumped her head pretty bad because people didn't believe me...)
I can't take a nap after work since I will basically have to go straight to bed when I get home any way. Robin will be able to watch her on his off days, but with my commute and traffic being as insane as it is, i can't afford to be anything less than fully aware of what's going on (I almost flipped the car the other day because I zoned out for half a second)
She's already had to stay two nights away from me and she'll be doing her third overnight on Friday.
Defaulting is not an option since that would put My Husband's security clearance and job in jeopardy. The military takes financial responsibility seriously... go figure.
I feel really bad because I know that there are tons of working moms that can handle it but I don't know if I would be able to or not. Especially since I work customer service and want to tell people to stfu all the time anyway.
Alyssa is a very needy baby. I think she's mostly just frustrated that her body won't do what she wants. She wants to sit up but her muscles aren't strong enough, she can only do it for a few seconds. She loves arm-assisted walking but her legs can't hold her weight for too long. She wants to talk but she can only coo and babble.
We're going to try doing it on our own, but I'm just not that strong.
un-asked for advice follows. If it is not what you want to here, or makes you feel even slightly agnsty--IGNORE IT ALL AND KNOW WE LOVE YOU!
You changed your blog name and tag line--- and they are very accurate. You will LEARN to do it, and none of us can give you the recipe to success. You can work and have needy baby, you can live on little sleep, and you can live on little to no money--(if your parents are willing to help out so much (and pay for DAYCARE here) how about they give y'all some cash so you can stay home?)
I just don't think you understand exactly how much she is going to do in a few months time, whether she is a genius baby or not. You will also miss some
critical biological attachment time that you will never be able to get back. (AWESOME BOOK, Attachment Parenting by Dr. Sears. All parents should read it.)
I gotta say, it kinda sounds like you have already made up your mind. But just in case you have not--you CAN do it, If IT is working and commuting for crazy hours (been there done that) or trusting that God will take care of your family financially and staying at home with your baby (been there done that too)--whatever IT is, you can do it Mama! Don't send her away.....What does your hubby think btw?
Gah, HEAR not HERE, also? Obama has effed lots of people and it may get worse.
It does sound like you've made up your mind (and this comes from the heart, darling - I love you and you know it - please know it).
Bella is a very needy baby as well, and has gone through a few things early. With her jaundice, and colic, and teething early - I didn't have a chance of working. All of our money goes to her and bills, and after that? There is none. The life of a parent, no? We still haven't started to pay her "being born" bills yet. We are close to 10 grand in debt, probably.
No one knows this, but Brian was up for a HUGE promotion at work. Huge. As in - I would never have to work again for the rest of my life, huge. And he turned it down. And I supported him.
Why? He didn't want to break up our family. He was going to have to do so much commuting that it was not worth it to him, or me. We figured that money comes and goes - but that bond with our little girl - he couldn't give that up. He now has the time to bond with her and see her grow...which is something that he would miss out on.
Amanda - I think there wouldn't be as much discussion about it if she was much, much older (say 5 or so). That early bonding would already be put into place and she would KNOW who her Mommy is. Sending her off for a few months, and then having her come back - this young - it would be very hard for her to connect with you again.
I really wish there was a way for you guys to just get by on without you having to work. I wish you could just work part time at least. As a mother I HATE IT that you have to send your little girl away, or feel as though you have to. I wish you had friends/family in the area to help out more.
In December what happens then? Are you free to not work anymore? Is it all just to get the $7,000? Can you just make payments on stuff?
Yeah - what does Hubby say?
And *argh*!!! I have re-read over everything I have written and I PROMISE I'm not in some school marm, "It has to be THIS way and tell me NOW!!!!!"
I'm just trying to figure out, and help you figure out, ways of keeping your family together. And, ya know, so you get to see that sweet thing sleeping and cooing and pooping and following you with her eyes.
I honestly haven't made up my mind yet. We're going to try keeping her while My Husband works overnights, but he just made it very clear that his sleep is way more important than mine, so who knows how that will work.
The biggest plus of sending her home to her grandparents is that my dad just got fired from his job and cannot draw unemployment for various reasons, so he would be able to take care of her. We would only need to pay for her care when another family member had to watch her. I would be sending money home to take care of her various expenses but it would still be far cheaper than trying to find a daycare that is open 24 hours and has space for an infant.
And in case the PotUS reads my blog, I am still totally PrObama, I am just not happy that my plans had to change so drastically. I'm just glad I didn't quit my job first.
I wish I could work part time, but the company doesn't offer it. I drive an hour to get there and an hour home, plus however long it will take me to get to and from her sitter. She has graciously agreed to keep her overnight if she needs to, but I can't ask her to do that for a full month.
I am crazy thankful that we don't have any medical bills from the pregnancy or her birth since it would have totaled right at $84,000 due to all of the complications, and that's the governments "we know what you charge but this is what we will pay you, suck it" estimation. A civilian doctor would have been much higher. Who says socialized medicine is a bad thing!
I don't want to take the easy way out and every time I think about leaving her for that long I start bawling, but I may not have another option. With any luck, she'll start sleeping through the night soon and it wont even have to be a consideration.
My Husband says that he would be sad but he would totally understand. Hm, maybe we can have O watch her at night instead of during the day... you know, since he thinks I'm such a crybaby for wanting to sleep. Let's see how he likes it.
Right now there's already such a strain on our relationship that I'm afraid we might not be able to repair the damage. Everyone I've talked to has this "make it work" or "all you need is love" attitude and I'm really afraid that I might be defective in some way. Maybe I'm just afraid that I'm not that good at being a mom.
We're also going to see if his commander will let him skip the overnight shift since she's so young but there are no guarantees. If he can skip it, then we won't have to worry. After December I won't have to work since the 7k will be more than enough to get us through.
I'm so glad that everyone is concerned and offering solutions because I was just trying to look on the bright side and tell myself that this was going to be okay.
This is my two cents...
If I were in your situation I would probably say screw it to the job anyway. The money would be nice, but you will be having to pay a lot of money for daycare or a sitter. Babies form a bond with the people who are around them when they are very young. I'd want my baby to bond with me, to watch her grow.
As for the loans...I know from experience that student loan companies are very forgiving when you lose your job, get sick, or have some other sort of financial hardship. You might be able to get them deferred for a while and get on a payment plan like I am on, where you pay very little the first few years and the amount increases over the years.
Yes, you need sleep to function and stay sane...but many mommies for thousands of years have gone to the factory or worked on the farm after staying up with baby all night. About five of my friends at work are going through it right now. It would be easier if you didn't work, but if you must, you can make it work somehow. Maybe cut back your hours?
Is Robin okay with the idea of shipping Alyssa off to Arkansas? If so, rather than send her off to live with your parents, could you possibly come stay with your parents for a while? Could Robin live free in the barracks while he takes care of work and save up some money?
No matter what you choose to do, I am convinced that you will survive, be strong, and do what's best. If you need anything, I am here for you.
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