The last week has been very eventful... kind of like Club Med in hell. Our sitter basically quit, I got my first ever speeding ticket, and I've had to prepare for cancer testing. Oh, Boy!
So, our sitter decided that we were not paying her nearly enough to watch our newborn. Newborns are a lot of work and she feels that she just doesn't have the time to devote to caring for someone else's child. She brought up the fact that she has to pay a sitter $5 an hour and felt that she should get something comparable.
I'm all for people trying to make some money, but we adjusted our plans based on the agreement that she would watch our daughter during the day and sometimes overnight for a set amount of money each week. The theory "I want more money for less work" really irritated me.
Part of the reason we went with her is because she's a friend and she needs the money, part of it was that I didn't want to put Alyssa in daycare or send her to live with my parents for a few months.
Now that the 'babymoon' is over, she doesn't want to live up to her bargain.
So I looked at daycare again. No one that we can afford (and that doesn't have at least 10 metro reports for abuse and molestation) is accepting infants right now.
My job is requiring mandatory overtime, so our lunches have been cut down to the minimum allowed by law and we will probably have to start staying later. This means, for me, that I can no longer pump at work. For Alyssa, that means that she is mostly getting formula.
Another expense.
Then I went and got a speeding ticket.
Alyssa was not in the car, so no hate mail please.
I thought the speed limit was 65 and was coming up over a hill straight into a speed trap. As it turns out, the speed limit was 55... I was doing 71.
I ended up being late to work.
I'm starting to think that all of the bullshit isn't worth it, especially since I spend a good chunk of my day trying to explain that I miss my daughter too much to hang pictures up at my desk.
Hopefully Tuesday we'll find out that I don't have cancer and that'll take some of the stress off. Maybe then I won't be so cranky... lately I've been mean for no reason. Only to the people I love, which makes it worse.
Never to the baby.
I just apologize for not being a better mom.
Maybe this is that PPD is like?
2 comments:
Take this in the non-creepy way that I intend it: I wish I could hug you right now. You're doing a great job (seriously) handling a really tough time, and I know you'll figure it out--I'm just sorry that things are sucking lately. Easier said than done, but try to enjoy this time with your precious girl and not let the stress get in the way of that--I made that mistake with my first daughter and feel like I missed out on really enjoying some of her early months. I'm crossing my fingers that the c-word possibility turns out to be a big, fat nothing!
Thank you so much! Lately I feel like one of those "I have so much drama, listen to me whine about it" people but, really, 98% of my life is boring. Things just got interesting really quick when we had our baby.
Even the pregnancy was dramatic...
But it sounds like you had your fair share of excitement the other day with Jodie!
I love that story... it couldn't have been fun, but it sure is funny.
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