Uh Oh

So... my daughter is nearly 7 months old. Which means her birthday is coming up. Which means my birthday is coming up.

Aw crap, another year.

At this point, I have to do something freaking amazing or resign myself to the fact that I couldn't live up to my potential.

What do I mean?

Well, you see, when I was in high school one of my friends parents said the most peculiar thing about me. They said that they envisioned me becoming the next George Lucas. In what way? Doing something pretty cool and having it turn into this amazing, life altering thing.

I have had various opportunities to be a part of something huge, but for some reason I couldn't pay attention to anything long enough to actually do anything.

Sure, I have tons of great stories. But do I really have anything to show for it?

Instead of wowing the masses, I got married to a great guy and we have a pretty cool little lady. That's great too, I mean.. I wouldn't trade it for anything... but what if I had followed one of those random, twisting life paths. Couldn't I still have ended up with my husband and my daughter? Plus a fat stack of cash? Er... I mean

I want to do something!

I have lots of great ideas but there isn't much I can do with them. Maybe I can sell them on Ebay?

The biggest thing is... I kind of think that my work/efforts/stuff will be worth way more once I'm dead. What kind of kick in the teeth is that? 'Oh, you were really awesome and all when you were breathing but now that you're dead, everyone wants a piece of that.'

I don't know. Maybe if I throw myself at everything, something will stick.

Okay, I'm an award winning artist. I guess that counts for something. Too bad I really suck at art. The one thing I've been recognized for is the one thing I feel least good about.

Bah. This is probably just the lack of Zoloft talking.

For those that aren't aware, there was an issue getting my prescription refilled. And don't even be all "well you waited until the last minute, you were asking for it." No. I waited until I had 8 pills left, which was more than enough time to get a refill. Then once I realized this was not going to be an easy task, I started cutting them in half and skipping days. Now I'm totally out.

Zoloft withdrawal is rough. I've been working really hard to get a refill or a temporary prescription but I seem to be caught in the middle of this huge catch-22. the earliest doctors appointment is in almost 3 weeks, so I'm just going to have to rough it.

Expect lots of mindless drivel.

Then again, isn't that what a blog is for?