Since my daughter has been staying with her grandparents, I've spent a lot of time alone. So far I haven't really been able to get anything done since I've been sick. To make things easy, here's a short list of the things I haven't been doing:
Cleaning
Cooking
Housekeeping
Working Overtime
Sleeping
Packing
Repainting the Walls
Paying Attention to the Finances
The thing is, my baby is gone, My Husband is working graveyard, and I'm so stressed out from work that I wan't to explode. What's a girl to do?
Everyone's always asking how the baby is. I am so lucky to have so many people that care about me and my family. But... When I talk about it all the time, I miss her so much more. If I really think about it, I can almost feel her snuggled up on my shoulder, trying to fit my cheek into her mouth. I can almost hear her cooing at me while I try to fall asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking that I hear her cry. Then I cry because she isn't here.
Everyone keeps saying they don't know how I can do it; that they wouldn't have the strength. How am I doing it? Not well. Not well at all.
I really don't know that I'll be able to hold out until Christmas. That's two whole months away.
I have to. I have to do this for my family. I have to be stronger than I think I am. I know that we were meant to take her to Arkansas. It can't be coincidence that she got sick in the city with the best pediatrics hospital in the nation. I don't think chance led my father in law to retire early, making him available to watch Alyssa. I feel like we're being herded toward something fantastic and I'll just have to be patient until we have a better understanding of what we are supposed to do.
I understand it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
2 comments:
Can you work on some kind of project for her while she's gone, to keep yourself a little busy and feel a little closer to her? I hope this time passes quickly for you!
Well, right now we're trying to pack everything up and get ready to move. His squadron has been telling him that he's moving for several months now and he got a "Okay, this time for serious. We most likely won't back out unless something happens... in which case... be ready anyway" message saying that we're being re-stationed in December. It's exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. My biggest job is to work as much as possible so that we can put back money for me to be a stay at home mom.
That's not going so well. I've ended up missing time here and there so everything I'm doing is just going to fill the absentee hole in my paycheck.
I just keep counting down the days til Christmas :D
Post a Comment