I'm so excited...

For once, I am finally following my Mother's advise the first time around. The last time I was at the grocery store, I bought a pack of diapers. The plan is to buy a few packs of each size to try and relieve some of the financial burden once the baby is here.

The problem? Where the hell am I going to put all of this baby stuff!

We don't have room for a crib, so I'm pretty sure the baby will be sleeping in a dresser drawer until we are able to figure something out. We're stuck in our lease until November unless My Husband gets orders to move. We could use our "freebie" and the military would pay for us to move on base, but we would have to pay a fee to break our lease.

I have some concerns about becoming a mother and seeing the diapers just keeps bringing them to the forefront of my thoughts. I'm worried about the parts that aren't going to be much fun like diaper changing, temper tantrums, potty training... mostly any situation that could potentially involve poop.

I'm also worried about how we will connect. What are we going to talk about? Occasionally, I will talk to our neighbors kids. When I can figure out what they are saying, I usually just stare at them and think about how stupid they sound. Am I going to judge my own child as harshly? Does this make me a bad person and a bad mom?

I'm not always in the mood to be around people, but this thing is going to be completely attached to me for the first year of it's life. After that am I going to push it away and hope that it finds a friendly pack of coyotes to pick up where I left off?

Childhood is weird and awkward enough, but this poor kid is going to have to live up to my expectations, and frankly, I don't know if they're going to succeed. I am judgmental, harsh, callous and sometimes cruel. I do not mean to be, but sometimes it's really hard to stop myself. I try not to hurt people on purpose, but I know I do it by accident all the time.

Is my child going to resent me? Probably.

With any luck, it will be able to look past my faults and understand that I'm not perfect. During it's teen years, it will hate me and I'll wish we'd used a condom, but I hope that once it is my age, it will at least know that I tried my best.

And if things go awry, at least the coyotes will keep it warm.