Learning to See

Say what?

2011-03-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

Nearly a month since my last post but I promise I'll try to do a little better. What have I been up to? Oh, just starting a new business.

The name has nothing to do with the product but I wanted to be free to expand in the future (there are only so many hairbows that I can make, and I know that). I'm taking a short break from college and I'm trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of my health issues.

We've also been far more active lately, which has everyone in the house a little bit happier. Here are a few pictures from our recent 'goin's-on'.

( That's not me, but it is my daughter)

Again

2011-02-21T16:44:00.000-08:00

It seems that I've fallen behind on my blogging duties and, frankly, it's because I don't have anything to say. I'm trying to get caught up on my college work, trying to get the house clean for more than five minutes, trying to pack away and clear out things that we no longer need.

It's been an eventful month!

So, as standard, here are some pictures to pacify you until I can come up with something better.

I never talk about politics or religion in polite company. Oh wait...

2011-01-30T11:16:00.000-08:00

I know my readers aren't after any hardhitting journalism or political commentary, so I will keep this brief.

Did you see the State of the Union address? Was that not one of the most motivational things you've ever seen in your life? Were you paying attention to the crowd's reactions? Hilarious!

Personally, I like our President. If you don't, I'm sure you have your reasons and I won't try to change your mind. I think he's a good guy that keeps trying to do what he believes is best for the nation but people don't seem to want to work together to make things happen.

In closing, if you haven't seen the State of the Union, check it out because at the very least you'll get a good laugh. (Watch for the General's reaction when they bring up Don't Ask Don't Tell!)

As Promised...

2011-01-21T17:05:00.000-08:00

Now that the holidays are over and we are back in our home, things should have calmed down and life should be more simple. Well, I guess the universe didn't get that memo because things are even more screwed up now than they were before we left.

I wont bore you with the details but things are rough right now and there are going to be some major changes happening soon.

I will be updating with more regularity as things settle down but for now, just look at some of the amazing things we saw last month.

About that...

2010-12-27T15:48:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I know I promised that I'd be updating more often and then just sort of disappeared, but I've been busy!

We were able to take a long vacation so we came back home for a month so that we can celebrate with our families.

We've been shifting back and forth between the families to ensure equal representation with each side (its been an issue in the past, trust me)

This doesn't leave a whole lot of time for blogging, but I found something that I thought you should see.

I have a new camera and it takes awesome pictures.

Yup, so be on the lookout for some new posts coming up soon!

Tis the Season...

2010-12-01T20:15:00.000-08:00

Normally, I'm not one to do product placement or endorse a company that I've never used. This is going to be the exception to that rule because they have done a wonderful job of bribing me with free holiday cards!

Shutterfly is doing a promotion where they are offering 50 free photo cards to bloggers in exchange for a short post, spreading the word.

I've never actually ordered from Shutterfly. In the past, I've always used ArtsCow.com but recently I'm not really happy with ArtsCow and I've been looking for a new photo gift center. Shutterfly was recommended by several people that I've heard of before so I decided to take a look at some of the holiday card templates that they have to offer.

Holy crapballs, Batman. These are so cute!

This one is so cute and simple. Perfect if you have three people in your family or if you want to use three pictures of one person.

I love this one and can imagine it sitting on the mantle at Grandma's house, waiting for her grandchild to come over and open presents on Christmas morning.

However, I think that this is my favorite. In my family, the captions would probably be something completely unrelated to the photo, but I like to think that someone would open our holiday card and for a brief moment think that we were an elegant, refined family.

They also do calendars, canvas, and thank you cards. I may have found my new photo gift website.

Now, spread the word to all of your blogging friends so that they can share in the awesomeness. Generosity should never go to waste!

Sometimes I go outdoors.

2010-11-20T22:15:00.000-08:00

Momma? I think I ate some dirt.

I know it's hard to believe, but sometimes we leave the house. Today, in fact, we went for a 2 mile hike with our pretty little lady.

This is the longest hike we've gone on together, and Alyssa's second hike ever.

She got to ride in the hiking backpack since it was way too far for her to walk, and she seemed to have a really good time.

On the way back to the car, she even fell asleep in the hiking backpack-- she was sooooo tired!

Since I was finally able to find the charger for our camera, I took some pictures and thought I would share. Enjoy!

MOMMA! I KNOW I ATE SOME DIRT! IT TASTES BAD!

This is a drain that ran under the old railroad.

Would you like to eat some dirt too?

HEY! What's that?!?

Wilderness Stairway

Best. View. Evar.

Can I have some more dirt?

I can haz non-toxic bags?

2010-11-15T11:01:00.000-08:00

It seems like China is always in the news for some recall or or lead filled toy of doom. From toothpaste, to baby formula, to bibs, toys, dog food, furniture, drywall, shoes, clothes, and now even our reusable grocery bags, it becomes hard for me to ignore the health threats that keep working their way into our homes.

I may be highly opinionated, but I do my best to keep my mouth shut when it comes to international relations. Mostly because I don't want my blog popping up on some watch list, keeping me from boarding an airplane or crossing state lines, but also because some people that read this may not personally know me or understand the humor that I try to impart.

With that being said, I'm about to be as serious as I have ever been.

Buy local. Buy handmade. Stop buying goods that are made in China.

"But I can get Chinese goods for a fraction of the cost!"

That's because they are so full of poison that even China won't use them.

Now, if it were just one or two things every now and then, I'm sure we could all look past it and chock it up to accidental contamination. Everyone is allowed a mistake or two and I don't think one instance of lead in baby spoons or one case of contaminated paint could really be held against the single biggest exporter of rubber bands shaped like sea creatures.

This is bigger than that.

Bigger than Antione Dodson.

Bigger than... well... China.

This is about self preservation.

Now, if consumers band together we can convince manufacturers to enstill more strict regulations and testing, bring jobs back to the US, and keep prices reasonable.

They won't listen to calls, letters, or even protests. The only language they speak is money. Money that a lot of us don't have right now. The plus side of the recession is that we are more choosy about where we spend our money.... the downside? Chinese goods are cheap.

I've already been avoiding Chinese made goods as much as possible and I urge others to do the same. I know we can't completely avoid them (unless you're the type that makes everything yourself. EVERYTHING.) but even cutting back a little may help make an impact.

This is as domestic as I get

2010-11-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

After writing a paper, finishing up some assignments, and various other tasks of a stay at home mom/college student/Avon Lady, I was lazy when it came to dinner.

Fortunately, I found salvation in my freezer.

(I do not own these images. They are for humorous reference only.)

Thankfully, no one seemed to mind the corn dogs and tater tots I plopped onto their plate (Ally seemed to thoroughly enjoy it) because I was unwilling to go get fast food and there were only so many dinner options.

Now if only there were a shortcut for dishes....

The hits just keep on coming.

2010-11-10T10:18:00.000-08:00

So, my husband had knee surgery last week, all three of us have whatever bug is in fashion this season (Respiratory crap, thank goodness. Last time we got the tummy bug... not fun.) and our computers keep glitching out in the middle of our assignents.

If life were simple and easy, I would have never developed a sense of humor. As it is, my husband, myself, and even our little critter are all shaping up to be world famous comedians.

Since we've all been stuck in the house together, I have heard more laughter.

Alyssa's new favorite word is "chihuahua". I don't think she knows what a chihuahua is, but it makes me laugh every time she says it. She blows kisses to people at inappropriate times (like when the doctor was asking my husband about his symptoms... she's such a flirt!) and refuses to wear her clothing correctly.

My husband has been medicated, which always adds to the hilarity, and I have been feeling rather yucky so just about anything will make me laugh.

If someone walked into our house they would probably assume that there was a gas leak or we'd been pumping laughing gas through the heater and we would all be committed. So heed my words, STAY AWAY!

We want to keep our germs and our insanity to ourselves. Though once we are well, I will be glad to share some fresh baked cookies.

I wish I could go back to college...

2010-11-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

Oh, wait. I did.

In what I consider to be one of the least informed decisions of my entire life, I chose to go back to college.

I, literally, took five minutes to make the decision and classes started a week later.

Classes started yesterday, in fact.

I'm already ahead of the class. By two weeks.

If I had done online courses in the first place, I would have received my degree ages ago and not racked up so much pointless debt.

What. The. Fuck.

My biggest hurdle in my previous college experience was actually going to class. Once I drove to the school I had to find a place to park. Once I parked, I had to walk a friggin long way to get to class. Once I was in class, I had to think about how to quickly get to my next class.

I might also point out that I did not have a parking permit, which added a level of danger to the daily parking dillema. "Oooh, there's a close spot. Oh, it's in permit parking... What are the chances they'll tow my car?"

I ended up with a crapload of parking tickets.

I only had to pay one or two.

After tuition, books, etc., there just wasn't enough money left over to buy a parking permit. I don't like to break the rules, but sometimes you just have to.

Hell, my third semester I couldn't even afford books! (ask me how well that went. Go on. I dare you.)

This time, I don't have to get dressed, I don't have to drive anywhere, and my books are paid for thanks to the military.

And thus, I have almost completed the course on the second day of class.

My husband is also taking online classes at the moment (study buddy!) and he's currently in the class I'll be taking next. No, I'm not going to steal his papers and assignments. I'm going to go ahead and get the next course's work out of the way once I finish this one.

I start that course the day after my current course ends.

Woohoo!

Rant to the Universe

2010-11-07T12:55:00.001-08:00

Dear Universe,

Why do 1x1 fabric storage cubes cost so friggin much? It is a collapsable 1 foot cube of fabric and I should not have to pay more for said cube than for a new dvd. I get why dvd's are expensive. They have to pay actors, studios, fees, cover their own costs and try to make a profit. You are a cube. A fabric cube. Not even a handmade fabric cube. They can probably make about 50 of you in under a minute. There is no reason that you should be so expensive.

Hoping you are well, 7daytrial.

I'm Back!

2010-11-06T10:29:00.001-07:00

Hey, Wow, Guess what? I've neglected my blog for so long that I probably don't have any readers anymore.

But that's okay. It's not about comments, it's about expression. Right?

So anyway, since April I have 1) Gone 'home' for 2 months, 2) found out that we will probably be moving just after Christmas, 3) torn a muscle in my back leaving me in the hospital two days before my daughter's 1st birthday (fitting, no?) and generally done awesome things with awesome people.

Presently, my daughter has an ear infection, my husband just had knee surgery, I am sick, and we're all cooped up in a very messy house (My standing rule is, if I have a fever I don't clean. It just isn't fair to be sick and do housework.)

Interestingly enough, I couldn't really get out of the house even if I wanted to since... Well, my husband and I accidentally threw my wallet away last week. In said wallet was my debit card, military id, $140 cash and a very special pin of my Mammaw's (who passed in February)

Currently, that wallet has been crushed into oblivion and buried under 5 inches of dirt at the Mesilla Valley Disposal landfill in Las Cruces, NM.

Very. Expensive. Mistake.

But we are moving on.

My husband and I are starting college again, I'm still running my Avon business, and Alyssa is just as active as ever.

If you are still reading, say hey and let me know. I promise I won't wait another 6 months to respond.

Mommyhood

2010-04-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Being a stay at home mom is pretty awesome. Most days.

Then there are the days when you keep glancing at the clock, waiting for your spouse to come home so that you can get a few seconds to catch your breath.

Right now, we are experiencing an atypical lull in the daily excitement. Probably because Alyssa refused to take her nap until she was so exhausted that she just couldn't take it anymore.

So, rather than cleaning or doing laundry... or napping... I'm taking this moment to reflect.

As I explained to my husband before we moved, living in base housing typically costs more than it is worth. "How is that? I thought it was free!" you may be asking yourself.

Oh, no. Allow me to explain.

Base housing isn't what it used to be.

Recently, the Air Force decided that they were going to privatize their housing. Meaning that another company comes in to build and maintain the homes. Since the Air Force gives you a housing allotment each month, that goes straight to the new company. This is a great thing if you are in one of the newer houses with the new appliances, ceiling fans and refrigerated air. This kind of sucks if you get stuck in the old houses.

At this base, the old housing was built in the 50's using a very interesting floorplan. Also, rather than refrigerated air, you get evaporative cooling; more commonly known as a 'swamp cooler'. "Why is it called a swamp cooler?" you probably aren't asking yourself. Because it blows water cooled air into your home, upping the relative humidity and creating a cooling effect of about 20 degrees.

April 1st, it was above 90 degrees in our home. That is not a joke.
I called.

I let the woman know that it was 94 degrees inside our house at that very moment. She called me a lair. "That's impossible. It's only 65 outside. Are you sure your heat isn't on?"

Yeah lady, I'm sure. And rather than 65, it was 79 outside... That's why it was 90+. Not because I live in a magical home of heating.

She asked me if I had our ceiling fans on.

Ummm... we don't have ceiling fans.

However, I did put an oscillating fan in each room to try and make us as comfortable as I could.

She said that maintenance would be out the very next day to install ceiling fans. Might I add that they have YET to show up even 2 weeks later.

Anyway... we got bumped up on the list and they are here to fix our shit today.

Right now.

As I type this.

On a side note- I get very cranky when I'm hot and that leads to posts like this. I apologize.

I've been having to take Alyssa over to other people's houses during the day so that she can be comfortable. Oh yeah, did I mention the fact that most of the people in the squadron (of the same rank and below, so don't even start that shit with me) have refrigerated air so they have been comfortable this whole time?

Did I also mention that we pay the exact same amount to live in the old ghetto housing as they do in the new awesome housing?

Did I mention that it's almost the same amount that we were paying for our apartment in Las Vegas?

I regret, more and more each day, that we didn't buy a cheap house off base.

But I do have to count my blessings. We could be like some of our friends and still have to pay a mortgage on a house in Las Vegas, as well as pay for the privatized housing. In fact, most of the families that are in that situation are living off base because they can't afford to live on base.

Yeah, it's not as inexpensive as everyone makes it out to be.

If we had purchased the inexpensive house we were in love with, we would actually be banking about $500 a month from my husband's housing allowance.

So yeah. When our lease is up we will probably be moving off base.

There is a patch of land for sale not too far from here, and I really thought about getting it. We could easily put a trailer on it, or even start construction on a house.

Right now, my husband plans to get out of the Air Force when his time is up. We love this place and we don't want to leave, so he wants to work as a private contractor. He would be in the same squadron he is now, working the same (or better) hours, and getting paid over 3x as much.

I think it's a good plan, but I kind of hope he re-enlists. If he makes a career out of it, he can retire from the Air Force at 42 and either continue to work elsewhere without losing any of his retirement benefits, or do something else.

In other news, Alyssa has most certainly been eating her Wheaties. She's climbing up the bookcases (which are all anchored to the walls) lifting, screaming, punching, pulling, banging and crawling on everything in sight.

Plus, she's taken a few steps!

It really looks like she's going to be walking by her birthday.

Part of me is excited, but part of me is afraid... Walking. Next thing you know she'll be using the potty by herself, going to Kindergarten and then, eventually, college.

She's getting too grown up too fast.

Is there a pause button? Can't we stay at this stage just a little bit longer?

It isn't fair, I tell you. They grow too fast.

Maybe we should have another one....

Now that Helena is out of the way...

2010-04-08T11:33:00.001-07:00

I can move on to more interesting things.

So... We moved! We still haven't gotten everything unpacked, but we are slowly getting everything together.

Right now it looks more like we are taping an audition for 'Hoarders' than like we actually live here.

But, regardless, we are in base housing, so that's a good thing. We would have been making a good chunk of money if we had bought a cheap house in town, but with my Mammaw passing and our car dying, it just wasn't an option at the time. We are still looking because our lease is up in a year, but we can't even get ready to buy anything for a while.

There are some really nice houses in this town though.

I've started making friends with the squadron wives, so it isn't quite as lonely here as it was in Las Vegas. In the time it took me to drive to work, I can drive to a different town and explore all of the stores that we don't have here in BFE. There's even some really great spas an hour and a half away.

And, unlike Las Vegas, their prices are very reasonable.

We are already so much happier here than we were in Las Vegas and with any luck, things will just keep getting better.

On a side note: My in-laws are coming to visit in June. Pray for us.

Helena: The long awaited final chapter

2010-04-06T15:39:00.001-07:00

Sorry I've been so sparse with my updates. We are still trying to unpack and I'm a mother of a 9 month old, Oh... and an Avon Lady. It can all become quite time consuming.

So, my parents agreed to watch Ally while we went out with some friends to get dinner. Being the awesome kids we are, we got my parents some ice cream (before dinner... yeah, deserts first!) from Marble Slab as a reward and then we went to Burger King to get food. Well, my husband and I wanted Rally's, since we haven't lived near one in a long time, but no one else did so we went to Burger King first (It's a good thing I didn't want Burger King because after this, I wouldn't have eaten anything in that bag and I have not gone to any location since.)

We pulled up to the order thing and waited to place our order. Two of the three people ordering wanted a chicken sandwich with a different kind of sauce. You know, THEIR way? Well, we were told that they couldn't do that. I was notified that the very same location had done it for them before so I relayed that to the order taker. He was silent for a minute and then told us that it may have been another manager but that he couldn't do it. No big deal, whatever. From the back, my husband yelled "I thought it was 'Have it Your Way!' to which there was no response. A different guy came over the speaker and asked if we wanted to order anything. All three orderers got chicken sandwiches but they each wanted them differently.

Everything was fine and dandy and we were laughing and joking and had moved on to another topic while waiting to pay.

The 'manager' comes to the window to take our payment and the first thing out of his mouth (Note: I greeted him with a smile and a 'hi') is "Do you want to pay for your fucking food or keep calling us a bunch of assholes?"

Say what?

"Um, excuse me?"

"You heard me. We can hear you as soon as you pull up" he started waving his headset at me. "And the whole restaurant heard what you said.

I was stunned. "Sir, we didn't call you that. I'm very sorry if you misunderstood something that we said, but we aren't mad about anything."

"Whatever, we all heard it" he slammed the window and went to run my card.

Amongst ourselves, we discussed what the hell just happened. We ran over the entire thing again and couldn't even come up with anything that sounded like what he accused us of saying.

He came back to the window and threw my card at me.

Again, we tried to resolve the situation but he just slammed the window in my face. At this point, I was pissed.

He came back and threw the food at us "Have a great night, assholes". I calmly asked for his manager, he responded "I am the manager! 'Mike -somethingorother-"

"Okay, cool. Can I have your corporate phone number so I can file a formal complaint?"

"It's on the receipt. Goodnight."

Well that would be great except he didn't give us a receipt.

My Mammaw had just died, I had put up with a lot of bullshit from American Airlines and my in-laws, and I was not about to feel bad because some jerk thought we called him something that we didn't.

Eff that.

We went and my husband and I got food somewhere else. The whole time I was ranting and raging about Burger King. I made sure the guy at the window knew that I was not talking about him or anyone in his wonderful establishment.

After we got our food, we went to my parent's house to eat our dinner. I was mad the whole time and ended up calling the only Burger King phone number that we could find, which was to take a satisfaction survey.... It was a 25 minute survey and we waited through the whooooole thing. Finally, at the end, you were able to leave open comments about the store. After we were done, I just couldn't let it go. I needed to have some kind of closure.

I was going to make a blog dedicated to our story and write complaint after complaint until justice was served. I had also planned to contact a lawyer and sue for harassment and damages.

Well, I talked to a lawyer and he was very eager to take the case. Fortunately, my mom talked some sense into me and I decided to just let it go. The lawyer was sure that Burger King would settle out of court but my mom mentioned what it could potentially do to my husbands career if it went to court and we lost.

I still think they should have refunded our money.

Anyway... we were supposed to go have lunch with my in-laws the next day and we were going to meet halfway. Well, last minute they decided that didn't work for them and wanted us to drive all the way out. I pointed out that if we did that, we couldn't stay as long since we would have to figure in the extra time driving there and back.

We made a counter suggestion that if we were going to drive all the way out there, why didn't they go pick up or make lunch so that we could all eat together and spend a little more quality time. We already had plans that night and they couldn't be moved around since we were leaving the next day.

My mother-in-law started screaming "NO!" at my husband and eventually hung up on him. She started throwing everything in our faces: the fact that we stayed with them for two days, that they let us borrow a car and that they even drove to the airport to meet us.

Since it was obviously such a big deal, we offered to pay rent on the car and for the time we stayed at their house.

That just fueled the fire.

She hung up again and told everyone that we weren't coming.

That started world war 3, with both his family and mine. My parents can't stand the way they act and treat us, and they can't stand the fact that we have to share our time.

Considering we were there for my Mammaw's FUNERAL, I think it was really gracious of my family to not throw a fit. You know, we didn't have to go see them at all. We were not there for a social call. At my Mammaw's visitation, they told everyone how they are coming out here for Ally's birthday and then when we started arguing, my mother-in-law said that they didn't know if they could afford it.

While with his family, everyone seemed to forget that my grandmother had just died. We lived with the woman for 12 years or so and she had just died. Yet I had to put on a happy face and deal with everyone saying how glad they were that we were there. Really? I would rather of stayed in New Mexico and finished unpacking and have my Mammaw still be alive.

Anyway, we finally show up at my husband's grandma's house so we can figure out what the hell is going on, and I got out of the car to take Ally in and change her. Before I could even get Alyssa's pants off, my mother in law had jumped in the car with my husband and my father in law, and told him to drive forty minutes away to pick up food. Then they stopped at walmart on the way back. By the time they actually got back, we had to eat and leave.

Fortunately, I got to talk to the rest of the family while they were gone.

First thing, his Nana hugged me with tears in her eyes and said "Please don't be mad at me. I called your mom to see what was going on. We can't believe -mother-in-law- is acting like this."

I assured her that I wasn't mad at her and that I knew she had nothing to do with it.

While my in-laws were gone with my husband, we all sat there and talked about what was going on. Evidently, that is the only time the situation was addressed.

I have not had a chance to talk to them about their behavior, but when they come down for Alyssa's birthday, you can bet your ass the fur will fly. I am not going to have our family torn up emotionally all the time. I had to live through it when I was growing up (my mom had a bad mother-in-law too), I've had to put up with it since before we got married, I am NOT doing that to Alyssa.

I'm a grown up, I can deal with it.... she's just a baby.

So, after a very tense dinner, we got back to my parents house and I had to be all perky because we had company over.

Once everything settled down, my mom and I got to sit down and talk.... Instead of consoling each other and grieving our loss, my mom had to help me come up with a plan to deal with my in-laws.

She had to go to bed early because she worked in the morning. She requested that we not take Ally by her office since she knew it would be too emotional for her to deal with. That night, my in-laws called and demanded that we bring Alyssa by my mother-in-laws clinic so that she could say goodbye.

It is only because I love my husband that we went. I had already told him that if Alyssa was asleep, we weren't going to wake her up... but wouldn't you know, she was wide awake.

I kept my mouth shut the whole time.

My mother-in-law tried to hug me, but I stopped her. Any physical contact would have just resulted in a lawsuit and I didn't need to deal with that right then.

Anyway, we left and went to pick up my husbands dad since he was going to drive us to the airport and get his car back. The only thing I said was "The behavior displayed yesterday is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. When would be a good time for us to discuss a resolution?"

I didn't say another word to him the entire way there or while we were waiting to check in for our flight.

It was all I could do to keep from screaming my frustration at him.

I offered no hugs or pleasantries when we departed and we had a fairly uneventful flight to our new home.

The next morning, however, our car decided to die.

It was well over $1,000 to get it fixed. For the first time in two years, we have a balance on a credit card. I'm paying it off next month.

We had a string of bad luck for a while, but things are finally starting to turn around.

Let's just hope it holds out.

Helena: The continuing story

2010-03-13T18:32:00.001-08:00

Shortly after we got the call, we were in El Paso waiting for our flight to board.

We waited.. and waited... and discovered that the plane was delayed. They kept pushing the flight back so much that we were going to miss our connection, so we called the airline to see what they could do (Seriously. the lady we talked to in person was no help. At all.)

After a few calls, we started to get angry and some other people got involved. We made it very clear that if we were going on vacation it would be one thing, but that if we didn't get home that day, we would miss my Mammaw's funeral. That was not an option for me. I had already decided that I was going to rent a car and drive it if I had to.

Through all of the crap, the airline was zero help and one rep told me to "Suck it."
Yeah, that's a direct quote. Markeesha, if we ever meet, you will regret saying that.

We finally boarded our flight and were told that we would be able to make it to our connection. We ran.

I was holding Ally, running as fast as I could while my husband grabbed the stroller and chased after us. He caught up with me (Hey, I'm fat. Give me a break) and we traded off since he can run faster. Like I said... worst case scenario, I was going to drive.

Anyway, barreling through the airport, I straight up knocked one kid down (I really did ask him to move first... I swear! He just looked at me like 'What are you going to do about it?' and I didn't have time to swerve because there were babies... He was at least 10. I knew he could handle it.) and hit another one with the stroller (Unless he was deaf, he had plenty of time to move. If he was.... I'm very sorry and I did scream an apology as I kept running.)

We got to the gate.

They closed the door as we walked up.

"I know you're ready to leave but that's our flight!"

"Sorry, the plane has already pulled away."

"Umm... no it hasn't. It's right there. There are still people waiting to board!"

"Sorry. We can't open the door. You should have been on time."

"OUR FLIGHT WAS LATE AND WE NOTIFIED YOU 5 HOURS IN ADVANCE!" (yeah, we had quite a layover..)

"The plane has already pulled away from the gate."

"I can see it. right there. *points* There are at least 7 people that are still waiting to board!"

"I'm sorry. Goodnight."

So I went to another agent. We had previously been told that there were no more flights to our desired city. I asked her if they could send us to another airport that might have a flight that could get us there in time.

She said no.

I collapsed on her podium, out of breath and bawling my eyes out.

She rolled her eyes "There's no need to cry. It isn't that serious."

"I know you deal with this every day, but this is very new to me. I'm trying to make it to my Grandmother's funeral in the morning."

"There's a flight that will get there around midnight. Do you want it?"

"Of course I do. Does it have 2 seats available?"

"... *sigh* yeah."

"Wait. What? I was told over 5 hours ago that this was the last flight to -town-. And that there were no other options. And that I was going to miss my Grandmother's funeral and to "Suck it"."

"You're on the flight, have a great day." *turns around to talk to her co-worker*

*turns around with tickets, crazy eyes aglow, muttering* "I will burn this mother down."

At that point I was tired, sweaty, headachey, hungry and mad.

We finally got on a plane and landed. Even our luggage made it.

Helena would have handled that situation very differently. When she first learned that there was going to be a problem, she would have gotten a refund for her tickets and just driven. Thus, eliminating 90% of her frustration that day.

Helena also would never say "I will burn this mother down" in an airport.

Just for safety.

Oh... and my husband and I made repeated jokes about how I was probably going to end up in jail before it was all over. You got the 'lite, condensed, somewhat readable' version...

Anyway.. We are finally home and we do the funeral, then we go to my in-laws house for 2 and a half days. Why? Because they wanted to see us. We figured "Hell, we're going to be here for a week, what does it matter?" It went great and then we went back to my parent's house.

I was able to help mom a little, hang out with some of my friends, and have a pretty good time considering the circumstances.

Then, we went to Burger King.

To be continued....

Helena Handbasket (Part 1 of 3)

2010-02-25T14:19:00.000-08:00

If I were to create an alter ego for myself, one that would go back to February first and relive this month for me, I would call her Helena Handbasket. Horribly cliche, a tad overused, full of spunk and way more prepared, I'm willing to bet she would have handled everything much better than I have.

I'm assuming that you remember 'The Move from Hell'. Oh? You didn't read that part? Okay, I'll recap. It would not have been so bad if Alyssa weren't going through separation anxiety. She wouldn't let us out of her sight without screaming loud enough to wake up the entire apartment complex. Most of our furniture required two people to load into the POD moving container, so we had to get some help. Well... that was an adventure in and of itself. Fast forward to the moment we figured out that all of our stuff was not going to fit into the POD. Go a little further to the point where we were madly shoving things into our cars, trying to get the last few piles taken care of. When we realized that no amount of cramming (I earned my Gypsy stripes there... no one thought I'd get as much to fit as I did.) was going to get everything in... we started to give things away and throw the rest into the garbage.

If we had been smart about this, we would have put all of the important stuff into the POD first, knowing that with our luck we would run out of space... Yeah, well, eff you too. We put the heaviest things in first since we knew that we would need to hit as close to 8 thousand pounds as possible. Turns out, we were going to get rid of a lot of our heavy stuff. In fact, when we unload the POD, I think we'll just take most of it straight to the dumpster.

I gave away things that were mostly sentimental in nature, and things that I wanted to keep... somehow, when it came down to the end, we were left with most of my stuff.

Anyway, after all of that drama, we finally made it out of Las Vegas five days behind schedule. With the baby in my car and the cat in My Husband's, we set off on our whirlwind adventure.

We drove as long as we could and made it to Luke AFB to stay the night. It was about 3 in the morning when we finally got checked in, and they only had one option for us.... fortunately, it was temporary housing for officers and we got to stay in this pretty awesome 3 bedroom house. There was one minor setback, however.... they didn't allow pets. We actually had to sign a form stating that we wouldn't take our pet inside.

Sorry, Professor Chaos... He spent the night in his crate in the heated utility room. We didn't leave him out in the cold, but I felt so bad that he had to stay all cramped up at night. He did get a nice bath, though.

The next morning, we checked out of the room and went across the street to eat breakfast. While we were there, we called ahead to our new base to see if their temporary housing allowed pets. They said that they did not and that there was no room in the pet boarding, so they gave us some local numbers. We weren't able to find anything suitable and realized that it was going to be cruel to keep our kitty cooped up for who knows how long while we found housing.

We made a very hard choice and took Professor Chaos Alastor Moody: Eater of Crepes to a no kill shelter in Phoenix. We paid $51 dollars for them to take our cat and promise not to kill him unless he became too aggressive. I bawled like a friggin baby.

I was so messed up after that... like... seriously. I'm tearing up now.

Anyway, that night we got to our new base and checked in to the temporary housing. It turns out that they do have pet friendly accommodations but none were open at the time. ... I felt like an ass.

While trying to fall asleep, I considered asking My Husband if we could go back to Phoenix and pick him up if he had not been adopted yet. I decided that I would ask him when I woke up.

Well, when I woke up, I was going to go to the bathroom and get freshened up a little before addressing the cat situation and I heard my cell phone ring. It was my mom. She was crying. My Mammaw had passed away that morning.

A few weeks earlier, I had tossed around the idea of running home after we got checked in here so that Mammaw could see Alyssa again. If we had gotten out of Las Vegas on time, we would have made it before she passed.... She was in the hospital because her lungs filled with fluid and when they had an indication that she was going to pass, even my relatives that were in the area could not get to the hospital fast enough.

We quickly made plans to go home.

To be continued.

game called on account of rain

2010-02-06T20:35:00.000-08:00

So... some unusual weather has thrown a wrench in our moving plans. We were going to be out of here by Sunday, but now it will be at least Monday, possibly Tuesday. The POD will not hold all of our stuff, and patience is running quite thin.

I hope to never live in a place with stairs again. It makes moving heavy things even more difficult.

Also, my daughter seems to have become a wee bit suicidal. Or maybe she's just an adrenaline junkie. Between eating styrofoam, getting herself in the most awkward places, and pulling things over onto herself, she has racked up quite a tally as far as most injuries in a day go.

I have had to save her from certain doom more times that I would care to admit. And before you get mad and say that I was leaving my baby alone while I went off to do stuff... I wasn't. I was right there with her, except once and then I was a room away for about 3 minutes.

After this last bump, I've found myself doing impersonations of Professor Moody from Harry Potter-- "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"

Now that there are even fewer things to try and use to block her path, someone has to be holding her at all times. She crawls really fast, so she could get stepped on or kicked and we don't have a playpen/have room for a playpen that would be large enough to keep her happy.

Tonight we will be sleeping on an air mattress so we have to make sure everything else is out of that room, just in case she wakes up and goes exploring. Like all babies, she is incredibly curious so everything, no matter how silly, is a toy and goes straight in her mouth.

I hope that we will know where we are going to live soon so that we can go back to our closer-to-normal life.

the final countdown

2010-02-04T13:23:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, my husband got his official orders and we are set to go. We decided to do the move ourselves to try and get some extra money. Since we don't know where we will be living or how long it will take to find a place (we are still trying to get on base housing but who knows how long the list is) we decided to use the POD system.

I know you've seen the commercials. It's pretty awesome. They drop it off, you fill it, they pick it up and store it until you are able to officially move in to your new place.

Awesome!

The day it was dropped off, it was just me and the baby. I tried to move things into it, but Alyssa has horrible separation anxiety (gee, I wonder why... ) and starts screaming if you leave her alone. Even if you are still in the room.

I tried to get some help from some of my local friends, but nothing panned out. I was frustrated, but I understand that people have their own lives and no one wants to help anyone move.

My husband found out that one of his really good friends was on leave and had gotten back in town a few days ago, so we called him to see if he could help. He said "Sure, I'll be there in 30 minutes".. I swear he was there in 10. And he brought help.

OMG. He is awesome. We got most of the furniture loaded and about half of the boxes. We're going to finish up tonight and then we celebrate with pizza and beer. Alyssa will be having carrots and a bottle.

This guy is a great guy. But if you want to hang out with him, you have to be prepared to hear some things that might offend even the least offensive person. You see, this guy is a slightly alcoholic, racist, possibly sexist, libertarian and he is highly offensive. It's a good thing we aren't easily offended!

I made a Facebook post about how I thought it was odd that he is the most reliable person we know. Whoa, I opened myself up for a shitstorm there.

I got a lot of angry calls/messages/emails over that one. I'm not sure if one incident was related, but I really hope she knows I wasn't trying to bash her. Ashlee, if you are reading this, I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings. It was never meant to. You know I understand that you have a life and if we had been able to bring her to you, it would have worked out perfectly.

Just so that we are all clear for the future, I will never post a passive aggressive, vague message bashing you in a public forum. Even with our old sitter, O, I spoke to her directly about the problems we had and then I used my blog to vent. 'Oh, she doesn't read it so you can say whatever you want'. No... she does read it. In fact, if you click on the link that says "a handy guide to recognizing the people I'm talking about" her picture is listed. She is a good friend.

Just know that I will never say anything behind your back that I won't say directly to your face. If I'm talking about a situation, we've already discussed it and found a resolution. Even if that resolution is to find a resolution...

I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me, so I refuse to do that to other people.

I'm very sorry if I've hurt anyone's feelings or offended anyone. That was never my intention.

ramblings of a housebound mom

2010-01-26T20:24:00.000-08:00

We have decided to say no to fast food.

For the last four years, we have relied heavily on fast food since we didn't have the time or energy to cook. Now that I'm a 'housewoman' otherwise known as a stay at home mom, I have time to do a lot of things that I couldn't do before.

Even though I can't guarantee when something will get done, I am able to make sure that I get a few things done. My favorite part of cooking? Leftovers. That is definitely something we don't get through the drive thru and for, like, 4 bucks I can have spaghetti one night, spaghetti sandwiches the next day, and then some left over pasta during the week. It's day two and I think we've already saved twenty dollars.

The biggest perk is, i can plan out our meals so that we don't have to throw away a lot of food when we move.

My husband just got his official orders, so we will be out of here by the 15th of February.

WOO!!!

We're finally going to move and will eventually be in a real home again, rather than a two bed, two bath 950sqft storage room. We don't have a whole lot of packing left to do since we have been slowly getting non essential items packed since August. Why August? Well, we were first told that we would move in June, then July, Then September, then December.

In other news, I'm trying to transition Ally to her crib. Up until now, we've been co-sleeping. I want my be back. I want to be able to roll over and not worry that I'm going to crush someone too small to push me off. Okay, there's another reason. Ally fell off the bed. We were sleeping, then she woke up and crawled right off the edge. Fortunately, she landed on pillows and was fine, but still... it was terrifying.

It took about forty minutes of crying and me checking on her, but it sounds like she may have finally gone to sleep.

They say that tomorrow will be worse.

Fun, fun, fun!

Just another day

2010-01-24T01:07:00.000-08:00

I have moved many, many times in my life but this is the first time I'm trying to get ready to move with an infant. It's a whole different ballgame. Packing has been a bit of a challenge since she has my near-constant attention so it's a really good thing I left my job so early. We were supposed to have been moved already but my husband's squadron keeps pushing back his orders.

With a military move, there are two ways you can do thing. Either they will hire a company to come and pack up all of your possessions, then move you to your new location or they will pay you to move yourself. They pay 95% of what it would cost them to have someone else move you.

So far, we have had the Air Force move us since we haven't had the time/energy/interest to do everything ourselves but this time we are going to take the money.

Some of our friends have already moved to the new location and with their numbers we estimate that we can make about 5-7 thousand dollars by doing it ourselves. Woohoo!

Other than actually doing all of the manual labor (okay, it isn't that bad. I've done it many times before. but it's still a pain!) the only downside is that we don't know where we will be living. We are trying to get base housing because it will simplify a lot of things but there are also a lot of drawbacks. We found a house that is well within our price range (the mortgage would be about $200 a month and since it uses an evaporative cooler rather than refrigerated air, the electricity costs would be fairly low.)

As much as I would love to own a house and be able to do everything I want, if there are openings within a reasonable length of time, we will probably live on base.

For the past 6 months (since they first told us we were moving. Thanks guys.) we have been living in a partially packed apartment. It's starting to drive me a little crazy so I can't wait for us to get to the new town and get settled in.

Oh! Look what Ally can do!

She did this all on her own without any help from me. Happy 7 months, Ally!

Update:

2010-01-21T19:58:00.001-08:00

Ally is crawling, sitting up totally unassisted and is getting up on her knees to reach things. I blame her monkey toy. It sings a little song that tells her to "stretch up tall, like a giraffe!" No! keep her low to the ground! There are dangers!

She can also open drawers. And is trying to climb up on the couch...

Man, when they get mobile things move quick!

I have some videos to share but it seems that our Flip Video is missing. Hopefully I will find it soon so I can show you the awesomeness. :D

For now, check this out.
This was two days before she learned how to sit up on her own. How cute is that pose?

Uh Oh

2010-01-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

So... my daughter is nearly 7 months old. Which means her birthday is coming up. Which means my birthday is coming up.

Aw crap, another year.

At this point, I have to do something freaking amazing or resign myself to the fact that I couldn't live up to my potential.

What do I mean?

Well, you see, when I was in high school one of my friends parents said the most peculiar thing about me. They said that they envisioned me becoming the next George Lucas. In what way? Doing something pretty cool and having it turn into this amazing, life altering thing.

I have had various opportunities to be a part of something huge, but for some reason I couldn't pay attention to anything long enough to actually do anything.

Sure, I have tons of great stories. But do I really have anything to show for it?

Instead of wowing the masses, I got married to a great guy and we have a pretty cool little lady. That's great too, I mean.. I wouldn't trade it for anything... but what if I had followed one of those random, twisting life paths. Couldn't I still have ended up with my husband and my daughter? Plus a fat stack of cash? Er... I mean

I want to do something!

I have lots of great ideas but there isn't much I can do with them. Maybe I can sell them on Ebay?

The biggest thing is... I kind of think that my work/efforts/stuff will be worth way more once I'm dead. What kind of kick in the teeth is that? 'Oh, you were really awesome and all when you were breathing but now that you're dead, everyone wants a piece of that.'

I don't know. Maybe if I throw myself at everything, something will stick.

Okay, I'm an award winning artist. I guess that counts for something. Too bad I really suck at art. The one thing I've been recognized for is the one thing I feel least good about.

Bah. This is probably just the lack of Zoloft talking.

For those that aren't aware, there was an issue getting my prescription refilled. And don't even be all "well you waited until the last minute, you were asking for it." No. I waited until I had 8 pills left, which was more than enough time to get a refill. Then once I realized this was not going to be an easy task, I started cutting them in half and skipping days. Now I'm totally out.

Zoloft withdrawal is rough. I've been working really hard to get a refill or a temporary prescription but I seem to be caught in the middle of this huge catch-22. the earliest doctors appointment is in almost 3 weeks, so I'm just going to have to rough it.

Expect lots of mindless drivel.

Then again, isn't that what a blog is for?

Goodbye, insecurities

2010-01-11T23:34:00.000-08:00

Hello, total pre-life crisis.

Okay, so I'm a fairly crafty person. I have sold a handful of things here and there for side cash.

I'm about to take this to the next level.

To fund my stay-at-homeness, I'm becoming a crafter-for-sale.

It won't happen in the next few days, or maybe even months due to the move, but before the year is out you will see pictures of my completed projects and you will hear all about my mistakes.

I'm nervous. I know my work is good enough to sell, but how do you even begin to price handmade goods during a recession?

I'm going to start out working through the crafting supplies I have on hand, and shipping will be charged separately from the item... that way I don't feel like I'm overcharging too terribly much.

I know that my time is technically worth more, but I'll be making things (which I love) and then getting rid of them (which my husband loves) and putting back some money for Alyssa's future (which she will love when she's old enough to appreciate it.)

If I don't sell anything, I can always say that I tried. With any luck (and a lot of hot glue) I'll be able to make a little bit of money.

What spurred this? I saw a poor-quality, not that interesting wreath sell for nearly $75. Apparently, wreaths are expensive! I make good wreaths. I've had people try to buy the wreaths off of my door.

If I can even make $10 over cost, I'll be very happy.

Plus, I can knit, sew, paint... I can do all sorts of things with paper, and I know what moms are looking for when it comes to kid friendly items.

Nevermind that half finished quilt, I've got more important things to do now!

I'd better start small.

The Many Adventures of an AllyMonster

2010-01-07T01:16:00.000-08:00

note: AllyMonster is a game that we play where we growl and she growls back. This has nothing to do with her behavior. She is a good baby.

I have eaten a lot of my words since Alyssa was born. Before she arrived, I said that I didn't want the epidural (I'm soooo glad that I got it when I did. Being maxed out on pitocin for nearly 24 hours was hell. Plus I had to have an emergency c-section. Yay epidural! Can I have another?) that I would not coddle her (yeah, like that was going to work) and that we would not co-sleep.

That one lasted about two weeks.

Growing up, I was 100% sure that when I had a child, we would not be co-sleeping. I often said "If the bible has taught me anything, it's that you don't co-sleep! It's dangerous!" Oddly, of all the bible stories I read/heard growing up, that part of that particular story is what really stuck with me. Not that being a mother means making hard choices for the good of your child, but that you will smother your baby if they sleep in your bed.

Well, after accidentally falling asleep with Alyssa while nursing, I realized that you can co-sleep and not have to choose which end of another kid you would rather have. Mostly it has been pretty uneventful.

Until last night.

This morning I was woken up, not by the usual infant hand hitting me in the face, but by inconsolable crying. I was half asleep so I tried feeding her and rocking her, but neither would work. I finally got my eyes good and open when I realized that there was a weird smudge on her leg. "Is that what I think it is?" You may remember the Olive Garden incident from several posts back. Yeah. It was.

We had woken up a little bit before that and I noticed that she was grunting and straining, but since I was half asleep I didn't really think much of it. Apparently, the force of her expulsion was so great that it blew straight out of her diaper and onto our bed... and pillows... and a little bit on the wall.

I jumped out of bed and swooped her up, trying to contain the mess as much as possible. We both got hosed down and got our outfits changed, then she played with her fancy toys, happy as a clam, while I tried to get our bed back into shape. I stripped the sheets and threw the pillows in the wash, then scrubbed the mattress and wall.

Crisis contained.

A little while later, while we were in the living room, I was keeping an eye on Ally while trying to take a nap. She's on the floor, entertained. What can go wrong, right? HA! Just as I was about to doze off, there was a thud across the room. I jumped up and ran to the baby but she was fine, then I looked over and noticed that our cat knocked all of the glasses off of the bar where the kitchen sink looks into the living room. One of them was half full, as I had been using it earlier.

Did I mention that I haven't been able to get my anti-depressants refilled?

While I was trying not to strangle the cat, I cleaned up the mess. Then I came back to see Alyssa scooting across the floor as fast as her little body would let her. (She hasn't really grasped the concept of crawling, so she just throws herself in the direction she wants to go, then scoots.) What was she after? The cat.

Now, the cat has no claws and has been neutered, so most people probably wouldn't see a problem with this situation.

Our cat's formal name is Professor Chaos Alastor Moody; Eater of Crepes, aka Mr. KittyFace, aka Bitey.

Alyssa does not understand that you can use your arms and hands for more than just beating your singing toy into submission or punching mommy in the face until she sings the right song. She has no idea that you can be gentle. She has no idea that this cat is twice her size and could smother her with his massive paw.

The cat does not understand that this tiny being is in charge.

Alyssa would shove her pudgy little fist into Chaos' side and Chaos would get mad. At first he was just swatting at her with his paws, then she grabbed his paw and tried to put it in her mouth. That was her way of saying "Hello, Mr. KittyFace. My name is Alyssa. Would you like to help me play with this toy?"

I lunged at Alyssa and shoved my arm between her and the cat just in time to get some lovely teeth marks in my forearm.

By the way, does anyone want a mountain sized cat? He makes a great belated holiday present!

The rest of the afternoon was spent saving the baby from certain doom, trying to get her to to take a nap (she refused. I am sooo paying for that right now.) and wondering when my darling husband was going to walk through the door and rescue me from this zoo.

Tonight, rather than skipping the Zoloft all-together until we sort out this refill business, I took half of a pill. Hopefully that will tide me over for a day or two. I only have a pill and a half left, so we'd better get this figured out fast.

Who knows what adventures are in store for tomorrow.

The Aftermath

2010-01-05T14:54:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I never made the obligatory Christmas post! It was a very good year. First off, I got my baby back-- which is really all I needed-- and then I got to see my parents and got extra presents on top of it! Best. Christmas. Ever.

I found some killer sales and used my work discount to my advantage when shopping, so recession Christmas actually ended up being more fruitful than 'good economy' Christmas.

For my husband, I got him a Flip video and a 14 piece stainless steel cookware set (then a few small things like a version of Jenga that's got the pieces shaped like bones and a stuffed, mounted Cthulhu head), and then he got a buttload of giftcards. I got a metal detector, an awesome ring with Ally's birthstone, matching earrings, the Wizard of OZ 70th anniversary collectors limited edition set, and Princess by Vera Wang.

From a coworker, I got a muffin pan that makes dino shaped muffins! How awesome is that!?

Then there's Ally. She hit the jackpot. I think she has just about every toy made for her age range that V-Tech makes, plus the Fisher Price educational toys. She got a high chair, a bunch of books so that she can have bedtime stories, and several stuffed animals larger than she is.

Plus clothes. She got lots of clothes.

Naturally, about the time we give up on the move and start settling in to our household again, my husband finally gets his order. They are supposed to arrive tomorrow.

Awesome!

We think we found a house (well within our price range. With my husband's living allowance, we will actually be making money by owning a home.) it's modest but it has a really great backyard!

Thanks to the internet, I found instructions on how to make a solar panel and wind turbine, so if we get the house we're going to give that a shot and take advantage of the eco friendly renovation tax break. We have also decided that with me staying at home, we can save on certain expenses by doing things the old fashioned way. For instance, we will be line drying our clothes rather than using the clothes dryer. We will still have one in case of emergency (I need pants in an hour! Why are there no clean pants!) but since the house uses an evaporative cooler rather than refrigerated air, it is in our best interest to keep the house as humid as possible.

Plus, I will finally have a garden.

The goal is to be as resourceful as possible, so we will be building rather than buying and upcycling whatever we can. Fortunately, this will lead to greener living and hopefully give Alyssa a better appreciation of the world around her.

Or she may just thing that we were cheap.

Either way, it'll be a good thing for us, I think.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T18:06:00.000-08:00

So far this year, I have taken a lovely nap with my daughter, watched a few movies (most recently, Elmo in Grouchland, which I had never seen. Surprisingly, I liked it. So did Alyssa.) and talked to my parents for a bit.

We discussed, among other things, how we want to spell the shortened version of Alyssa. So far, no one seems to agree on the spelling. I've been using Allie, my husband was doing Alley, my mom uses Aly, and everyone else can't even spell Alyssa much less something shorter. I think we'll go with Ally... then again, that's already a word. Maybe I'll just call her Alice.

Aside from that, I came up with some resolutions. Normally, I don't put a lot of thought into them because I figure it will never happen anyway, but this year I really want to put some effort into it. Mostly because I'm starting to notice that I'm getting older and I feel like I should have done something more with my life. Anyway, here goes!

1. Spend more time outside.

Currently, I'm nervous about taking Ally outside since there's so much smog and it gets really windy and people here are crazy. When we move, I want to get bikes so that we can go riding on the weekends. I want to invest in some good camping equipment so that we can instill an appreciation for the outdoors, and hopefully show our daughter that we need to preserve nature.

Also, it's fun.

2. I want to read at least one story per day to Ally.

This seems pretty easy, but right now she has the attention span of a turnip and the energy of a hummingbird, so it's a lot harder than it sounds.

3. I need to curb my spending.

I'm not sure if we've discussed this before, but I have ADD and one of the less fun symptoms is compulsive shopping. In the past it wasn't much of an issue because my job always covered the rest of our expenses and we still had enough left over to shop every now and then. Thanks to my wonderful ex-job, we have been able to fully pay off the last remaining student loan and put enough cash into savings that we can live comfortably without me having to work. As long as we stick to the budget.

4. I want to start making gifts rather than buying them.

I think this might help me curb my spending a bit. When I go shopping I see a lot of awesome things that just scream someones name at me. So I buy it for them. I love giving gifts. I also love making things. I think handmade gifts are more special than store bought ones, but I never really had the time to put into really making something awesome for someone. I hope that I will be able to now that I have an awesome little helper.

Isn't she adorable?

By the way, she got her two front teeth for Christmas. How awesome is that?

5. Stay on top of the chores.

We have a habit of letting things get a little piled up before we declutter/do laundry/clean out the fridge. It's so true that if you just spend a little bit of time each day, you can keep the chaos to a minimum and still have a happy, functioning household. However, life gets in the way. My biggest goal of the year is to get organized and stay organized. If I just take an hour each day to make sure everything gets put in it's place, I can keep the housework caught up and we will all be able to stretch out and have some breathing room. This is going to be the hardest thing on the list, so don't you dare wag your finger if you stop by and the clothes aren't put away and I have to clean off the couch for you to sit down.

If you want to see me, you're welcome to drop by any time. If you want to see my house, please call to make an appointment at least three weeks in advance.

2009-12-29T15:44:00.000-08:00

After what seems like years, I am finally a full time mom!

My baby is back and we've been having a blast getting to know each other again. She is learning at light speed and it's a little challenging to keep up with her. For instance, she has learned to wiggle away from most restraints, how to turn her toys off (but not on.. that's the important part!) and how to keep mommy entertained by having me chase her all around the floor.

Exibit A: Allie and I on the floor playing with her toys.

Allie not being nearly as happy playing by herself.

So far, it has taken me about 4 days to make this post since I've been so busy but I am thrilled to be a full time mommy. There is no way I could leave this little angel with anyone while I went to work, and we finally have the means to give Alyssa the full time attention that she deserves.

I love her to the stars and I know the New Year is going to be a lot brighter now that we're all together again.

Happy New Year!

FINALLY!

2009-12-23T22:44:00.000-08:00

MY BABY IS COMING HOME IN LESS THAN AN HOUR!!!!!!!!!!

that is all.

Woo Woo!

2009-12-21T21:19:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow, right about 1pm CST, my parents will be piling into their truck to bring Alyssa home. FINALLY!

Excited does not even begin to describe how I feel right now.

I am very thankful for the time that she got to spend with her grandparents, great-grandparents and assorted friends and family, but it's time for my baby to be home.

In other news, we are moving to the middle of nowhere fairly soon.

The plus side? We can most likely get base housing there (or buy an inexpensive house... our monthy payments would be way lower than our housing allowance. Score!) so that we don't have to worry so much about our financial state.

The down side? I can't think of anything but then again I've never actually visited this village.

The most awesome thing in the world? We will have our family back together.

Thanks to everyone that supported us through this struggle and for those that didn't support us, go hit yourself with a sack of hammers. Now. I'll wait.

Done? Good.

On a side note: Recession Christmas has actually been really, really good to us. I got some amazing deals on things that we needed/wanted. For the first time in a while I was very glad that we live in this city and have access to to the kind of shopping that makes sure you can have money left over but not feel like you had to give up everything.

I will miss these stores very, very much. (Seriously, I saw a pair of Coach rain boots for $13... COACH! Yes, they were real.)

Anywho, time to eat dinner and get everything perfect for Alyssa's first Christmas!

Listen up

2009-12-09T23:51:00.000-08:00

I got my first flames so I guess that means I'm a real blogger now?

This is my blog. If you don't like it, don't read it. It really shouldn't have to go any further than that.

I can say whatever the fuck I want, because you see, this is my blog.

I won't always be nice, I won't always have anything interesting to say, but that doesn't matter because it is my blog.

As long as I am protected under the first amendment, I will continue to say what I want. And I will post it here. Because this is my blog.

You can call me names, leave negative comments, basically do anything except threaten me or my family because you are also protected under the first amendment.

However, this is my blog, and I may not respond well to your feedback. But that's alright. Because you don't have to read it.

See that little X in the upper right hand corner of the screen? That will take you away from my blog so that you don't have to read the things that I write.

If I were required to censor myself or put some thought into what I'm posting, I would be getting paid for this. But I'm not. Why? This is a free blog and I am just not that interesting.

When you don't like a television show do you sit there and scream at the actors? No. You change the channel. Oddly, the internet works in a similar fashion. If you don't like what you're reading, there are tons of other pages out there. You can view them all, if you like! It would probably be a better use of your time.

Now, to address some of the comments that were left:

1. Putting a "burden" on my aging parents.

They are thrilled to be able to spend time with their grand-daughter. She's getting to see both sets of grand-parents and her great-grandmas. She's having a blast. And so are they. Yes they have lives, but you see, you can continue to live even with a newborn. "It takes a village to raise a child" Well, they have a village ready to step in if anyone ever needs a break.

2. I am not the only Military Wife.

That is correct. I'm not. And I don't act like I am. In fact, I'm part of a group of Military wives and we meet once a month to discuss important issues. We also do neat things like make blankets for Soldier's Angels and assist with dinner/law care/car maintenance for families that are deployed. If we had more time to get a gameplan together, they probably could have even watched my daughter. We didn't.

3. I'm a stupid bitch.

You are 100% correct. Sorry, I have no rebuttal.

4. You should live on base.

Yeah, we should. The thing is, we couldn't get base housing when we moved out here. By the time a slot opened, we couldn't get out of our lease. Just before the housing market crashed, we planned to buy a house. That fell through and we got stuck in another lease. Living on base wouldn't be as easy as you think, either. You see, my husband works at a base where there is no base housing. It's over an hour away at a different, larger base. So that would solve the rent problem, but it would create several other problems.

5. You sent your daughter away because you want to sleep.

No, we weren't able to find workable childcare for the hours that we needed. Even though I don't have an infant with me twenty four hours a day, I am still not sleeping. Why? Because I wake up thinking that I hear her crying. I lay awake at night wondering if I have screwed my daughter up for life by sending her to her grandparents. And some nights, I just can't sleep.

If our childcare situation had worked out, we would have been fine. We felt that our daughter was not being taken care of and so we had to make adjustments in a timely manner.

6. What if you didn't have your family? What would you have done then?

We would have figured something out.

7. Live in a shithole.

Then we would have to break our lease, which would be counterproductive since it would cost us 5k and we are going to be PCSing soon any way.

8. You should have prepared better.

I agree. The thing is, we weren't trying to get pregnant. Alyssa was an 'oops!'. A very much loved, exciting and wanted oops, but we were not expecting her. We put back a lot of money while I was still pregnant but we ended up having to rely very heavily on our savings when the doctor took me off work at eight and a half months. Sure, I had FMLA but it didn't kick in until she was actually born and only ran for 6 weeks. It was better than nothing, but it turns out that babies are expensive. As a new mom, I had no idea what to expect financially.

9. You will never know what it is like to experience all there is to experience with having a baby.

This is not the first baby that I have raised, but it is the first that is my own. Now, if you are planning to remove my ovaries so that I can't have more kids, I'd really like a heads up. Just so I can take some time off work. You know how it is.

I was with her for the first three and a half months. I loved it. I don't mind getting up at night with a baby. I don't mind the fussing and the crying. In fact, I thought it was a wonderful thing. I never thought that we would have children, then I didn't think that either of us would live through the birth, and here she was. This gorgeous little girl that I got to keep forever. Yes, it did get frustrating and yes I was suffering from post-partum depression. Everyone goes through it.

10. You don't give a baby that young water and only water.

We never gave her straight water. There was one bottle that was 90% water because we didn't have any more formula with us and she wanted to nurse but I was not comfortable doing that in public.

I know some parents that give their babies at least one bottle of water a day and they are just as happy and healthy as the other babies I know.

11. You don't blow in a babies face and then laugh at it when it cries. Many people saw you do this.

Really? There were only a handful of times that I even took my daughter out so if you could please be more specific about the incident, I would greatly appreciate it. P.S. Blowing in a baby's face helps it stop crying. They are surprised by the sudden gust of air and it makes them pause.

12. Oh, like you are the FIRST ONE to ever have a colicy baby who doesn't sleep! Get off your fucking high horse!

I don't own a horse.

If you read my buddy, The Ophelia Entries, you will see that I know all about colicky babies. In fact, we discussed it quite a bit since her little girl was also very colicky. Colic just means that the baby cries for more than three hours a day for more than three days a week for at least three weeks. Usually it is accompanied by abdominal pain and gas. Yes, it is common but not all babies are colicky.

Now that we've handled that, I have disabled anonymous commenting, so if you want to bash me you will have to do so with a name, any name, attached. Have a great day!

The final word on our decision

2009-12-08T01:45:00.000-08:00

A lot of people have given me a lot of shit about letting my daughter stay with her grandparents and great-grandparents in Arkansas.

I have taken it, and taken it, and taken it... but this is it. I'm done.

Point-blank, if I had quit my job to stay home with Alyssa, because that's what it would have taken, we would be homeless.

My husband is a Senior Airman in the United States Air Force and I make more money than he does. I work in a call center. He is a co-pilot for a multi-million dollar plane.

How fair is that?

Note, I said homeless. Not financially strapped, not unable to afford the things we have-- homeless.

Yes, we have several game systems, a large flat panel television, a lay-z-boy recliner and a new couch but we bought most of those things before we had a baby. If we hadn't bought them, we could have put more money in savings, but hey... people with babies work all the time, right?

Sure, if they have a support system, reliable childcare and an easy baby. We had a colicky, fussy baby with a very short temper that felt sleep was for sissies. We also have to deal with my husbands ever-changing schedule and my very demanding job.

We also had no support system and incredibly unreliable childcare.

Do. Not. Judge. Me.

We made the best decision for our family and it has been the single hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Including the time I actually was homeless.

Don't lecture me about missing important events with my daughter. Believe me, I know. I wasn't there for Halloween. I wasn't there when she was sick. I wasn't there for Thanksgiving. I wasn't there to stop her MiMi from giving her applesauce that hurt her tummy. I wasn't there to hold her at night when she missed me. I wasn't there to kiss her when she felt bad.

Everything I have done for the last two and a half months has been solely for the purpose of keeping my mind off of everything.

At work, people see her picture and ask me when I'm going to bring her in. Then I have to explain that she's with her grandparents and it starts all over.

My precious little girl is growing up without me and I hate it.

At least she will be home soon. When she is older, I'm going to have to explain why we did this. I hope she understands. I hope she knows that I didn't want to leave her. I hope she knows that we wanted her to stay with us and that we love her. And I hope she is strong enough to do the same thing if it ever comes down to it.

Just a few more days...

2009-12-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

Before the end of the month I will have my daughter back and I'll be a stay at home mom.

I can't wait!

In other news, the move got pushed back, yet again... so who knows when we are leaving. It's a really good thing I went back to work for a bit or we would never be able to afford our rent.

Work has been really difficult for me and I am just counting down the days. Honestly, I've had one foot out the door for quite some time and as soon as I have deposited my bonus check, it'll be smooth sailing.

We are looking for a home to purchase at our new location and it isn't going to well. Mostly because we don't have solid plans but partially because our budget will be so tight.

I know that I will not be able to leave my sweet baby girl for a while, so we will just have to find a way to make it work.

I've been trying to keep myself busy so I don't focus too much on the time that is passing. I finished (well, wrote 50,000 words...) my NaNoWriMo and I'm going to clean it up so that I can get a free published copy in June. That will be super exciting!

I also started making a quilt. I don't know what possessed me to take on that project but I'm almost halfway done... or so I think. I've never made one of these before but I assume the patchwork part is the most time consuming... then again, I could be completely wrong.

Once I'm done, I'll post pictures for your amusement.

How are you?

2009-11-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

Letting my daughter stay with my parents and my in-laws has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Emotionally, I'm hanging by a thread.

To add to my stress level, my husband was told that we are going to be moving in December. I will have to stay behind, all alone, until I get that stupid effing bonus or else every sacrifice we have made will all be for nothing.

Here's the scoop. It takes me an hour to get to work each day so basically with my commute, I devote an extra 10 hours a week to my job-- unpaid.

A while back they started making us do 30 minutes of mandatory overtime each day. Cool. fine. whatever.

Yesterday, we got news that instead of thirty minutes each day we are now required to do 8 HOURS A WEEK. 4 hours of which have to be during peak times, from 4-8pm Monday through thursday or from 6am to 8pm on Saturday.

Kay.

I work 11-8 with Tuesday/Wednesday off. This means that I will be forced to either go in crazy early on Saturday or show up on a day off. Plus squeeze in 4 hours of overtime elsewhere.

So.. this takes my workweek from 50 hours to 58 hours... If I go in on my day off, 60 hours with the commute. Plus, since it will be at peak traffic times, it could easily become 62 hours.

The crap, Job. The crap.

It's one thing to put in an extra hour or so if you live close by... its a whole different story if you live across town and have to drive really far to get there.

If you live five minutes away, working 2 extra hours make it a long day, but it's totally do-able on a regular basis.

If you live an hour away, that makes for one long ass day, plus unsafe driving conditions. Hello exhaustion!

This bonus is seeming more and more unattainable... I wonder if that's part of their master plan.

Now, just imagine if I had to throw childcare into the mix. When we were using our sitter on base, my commute went from 2 hours a day to 3.5 hours. If I were topping that off with crazy ass overtime, I would die. Die, I tell you.

I am so tempted to just quit and go get my baby. I know I would be happier. It wouldn't be possible to be more miserable than I am right now.

My Husband is still working overnights, so we never see each other. I feel so alone and I miss my baby. Emotionally, I don't know if I'm going to make it through Christmas at my job. I heard a rumor that they may be handing out the bonuses early to boost morale. If they do, I'm out.

I will get my daughter and live happily ever after.

Let's hope for the best and dread the worst, when the overtime really kicks in after thanksgiving.

Honestly, this year, it's really hard to think of something to be thankful for, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. I can always see the silver lining and I refuse to let this situation be any different.

So good I had to share....

2009-11-17T22:39:00.000-08:00

I've been super busy trying to get my Nano done. I'm at about 25,000 words, so I'm halfway there! To make up for my lack of posting, here's a quick recipe.

I made a super awesome dinner last night and I wanted to share it with you.
(serves 2-4)

1 bag of cheese and broccoli rice
1 pouch of tuna
2 tbsp red pepper alfredo sauce
garlic powder to taste
onion powder to taste
1 pouch crushed red pepper (like, from pizza hut)

make rice according to instructions adding tuna after the water boils (when you turn the heat down.)

Wait 5-6 minutes then add garlic powder, alfredo sauce, onion powder and crushed red pepper.

Serve with buttered wheat toast.

It only takes about 15 minutes from start to finish and it's really good.

Spotty

2009-11-10T21:46:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posting. Rather than doing NaBloPoMo, I'm doing NaNoWriMo! I'm currently at 12,000 words. Only 38,000 to go!

there has been a bit of drama in the air lately, some of it about my NaNo story. Alyssa is in AR with her grandparents. I've been missing a bit of work due to my emotional state. Last night I got more sleep than I've had in the last two weeks combined, I could go right back to bed and sleep that long again.

Father in law called yelling at me yesterday. I screamed at him. It was lovely. I have never spoken so forcefully to my husbands family but he had no right to yell at me. Especially since I was supposed to be at work then anyway.

Then I called my mom and learned some interesting things about what my in laws have been subjecting my baby to.

I don't know that they will be caring for her in the future. I may just go and get her. I'm so mad I could spit nails.

We are officially moving. More info once I'm in the 'safety zone'.

One of my only friends in Las Vegas forced me to buy an ipod touch (she even paid for part of it... how awesome is that?!) and I've been spending waaaayyy too much time with the silly aps.

Then again, after we worked, like, a 17 hour shift, I think I deserve a little mindless fun.

Oh yeah, we had hella overtime at work.

It was a little awesome.

this just in: working for a living sucks.

I will post a more thorough update soon, but for now, I need to write like the wind!

This is Halloween...

2009-10-31T21:22:00.000-07:00

My dearest friend, if you don't mind.
I'd like to join you by your side,
where we can gaze into the stars.
And sit together,
now and forever.
For it is plain as anyone can see,
we're simply meant to be

We made it 4 years! Who would have thought. I love you to the stars and I can't imagine a life without you in it. We started with next to nothing, and look at how we've grown! There's money in the bank, we have a gorgeous daughter, a giant ass cat and name brand electronics. Every day I look forward to spending time with you, even when we're just hanging out on the couch. Some of my favorite memories come from lazy days laying in bed, watching tv. You may not be the coolest person I know, but I certainly love you the most ;)

Without the bad, you cannot truly appreciate the good so I would not trade a moment of the last 4 years for anything.

I love you, babe. Through Heaven and Hell.

Now, if only I could sleep...

2009-10-26T22:48:00.000-07:00

Since my daughter has been staying with her grandparents, I've spent a lot of time alone. So far I haven't really been able to get anything done since I've been sick. To make things easy, here's a short list of the things I haven't been doing:

Cleaning
Cooking
Housekeeping
Working Overtime
Sleeping
Packing
Repainting the Walls
Paying Attention to the Finances

The thing is, my baby is gone, My Husband is working graveyard, and I'm so stressed out from work that I wan't to explode. What's a girl to do?

Everyone's always asking how the baby is. I am so lucky to have so many people that care about me and my family. But... When I talk about it all the time, I miss her so much more. If I really think about it, I can almost feel her snuggled up on my shoulder, trying to fit my cheek into her mouth. I can almost hear her cooing at me while I try to fall asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking that I hear her cry. Then I cry because she isn't here.

Everyone keeps saying they don't know how I can do it; that they wouldn't have the strength. How am I doing it? Not well. Not well at all.

I really don't know that I'll be able to hold out until Christmas. That's two whole months away.

I have to. I have to do this for my family. I have to be stronger than I think I am. I know that we were meant to take her to Arkansas. It can't be coincidence that she got sick in the city with the best pediatrics hospital in the nation. I don't think chance led my father in law to retire early, making him available to watch Alyssa. I feel like we're being herded toward something fantastic and I'll just have to be patient until we have a better understanding of what we are supposed to do.

I understand it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

'Ello gov'ner

2009-10-19T00:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,

Hi there! Remember me? Your writer? Yeah... sorry I haven't written in a while. Things got a little intense.

You see, first, we took Allie to stay with her Grandparents in Arkansas. That was an ordeal... I couldn't possibly have written while we were down there. And it's probably a good thing I didn't. Someday, Allie will read this and wonder why I keep calling Mimi "Lucifer" and why her daddy called Pops an egotistical prick.

Fortunately, Gigi and Grumpy are much more tame.

During our stay, we did lots of fun things like check out my parent's cabin, eat at a lot of amazing places, and visit some pretty cool people. We did some things that sucked too. Like fighting with my in-laws and sitting in the ER of Children's Hospital waiting on test results.

Oh, did I mention? Allie got swine flu. They say it was probably from the plane but I just don't know. Right now I kind of see this as "Hey, you just spent $1,000 to give your daughter pork chop fever and dump her with her grandparents. Mother of the Year award coming right up!".

I miss my daughter. I really, really dislike my job right now, and My Husband is working overnight so I'm all alone.

Being a grownup isn't very much fun right now.

Did I mention that I forgot to pack my Zoloft for the trip? Yeah, that went well...

Anyway, everything is starting to calm down a little bit so hopefully we'll be in touch more. I hope you understand-- it wasn't you, it's me.

Please forgive me. I'll talk to you soon.

Love,
Mallomar

Survey says...

2009-09-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

The results are in. What results? The cancer results.

So, as the doctor explained to me, the cervix is round like a clock. They took tissue samples from the cell clusters at 1 oclock and 9 oclock. The tissue from 1 oclock is perfect and normal and everything is happy. The tissue from 9 oclock... well... we just don't know. I have to go back in 6 months for another colposcopy. So the threat of cancer is still looming, but at least we know that part of me is alright.

In other news, we are bringing Alyssa to Arkansas on the 7th of October. She will be staying with a combination of all of her grand and great-grand parents, plus my aunt and possibly some family friends. The village is raising my child.

When will we get her back? That's really up in the air right now. It's possible that she will be back at the end of November, or the beginning of December, or Christmas Eve.

This means that I will miss my baby's first Halloween, her first Thanksgiving, and possibly her first Christmas Eve.

I am beyond sad.

I just keep telling myself that this is a choice and we made the best choice for our family. She is going to be with people that love her and she is going to be well cared for so I don't have to worry about someone flaking out and leaving her with people I don't know.

Her diaper will also be changed.

Today, a friend of mine is going to the courthouse with me to try and get this whole traffic violation thing taken care of. The automated system made it sound like I won't be responsible for paying anything as long as I go down there and prove that I have insurance.

I'm not sure how that works since the ticket is mainly for speeding, but let's hope that it's correct.

I have to get this taken care of today or at least sometime in the next few days, since we will be in Arkansas on my court date. Let's hope this goes smoothly.

What have we learned?

2009-09-23T14:31:00.000-07:00

So, I found this auction site called pennypurses.net where they auction designer bags. The catch is, you have to pay for your bids, then the price of the bag if you win. So basically you're paying for the opportunity to purchase a designer bag. Not only do you have to pay for your bids, but every time a person submits a bid, it adds 10 seconds to the auction clock.

Great business plan. Sucks for the bidders.

Last night, there was a coach bag that I desperately wanted. I've seen this bag before and I decided that I was going to bid on it.

So I bought some bids. Then ended up in a 3 hour bidding war, spent $140 and didn't get the damn bag.

my husband was mad.

not near as mad as I was. Not that I didn't win the bag, whatever, but that I spent so much money trying to win the bag.

This brought up a very sensitive topic, and I hope this doesn't offend anyone. My husband turned to me and screamed "Why are you such a fucking jew? Just buy the damn bag already and get on with your life."

Little does he realize that we wouldn't be able to afford a lot of the things that we have if I weren't so frugal. How do I have Gucci glasses and several pairs of Uggs? I'm thrifty.

And before you jump on the "oh my god, Uggs are hideous" bandwagon, they aren't the classic style and they are damn comfy.

I clip coupns and shop sales... I stockpile groceries and cut expenses where I can. By shopping in a better way, we've had enough money to pay off all of our credit cards and still have some money left for the things we want. Since giving birth, I've been going through a lot of emotional stuff and I'm trying to cope with it the best I can. This time, unfortunately, I've been using major retail therapy to fill the gaps in my life.

I have spent more money of frivolous things in the past few months than I think I spent on the same sorts of things last year. Why? Hecka sales on children's clothes, bakeware, electronics and home goods.

Why? Because the economy is in the crapper.

Why? Because people spent more than they could afford.

Why? To fill the gaps in our lives and to stay happy.

Case in point, I am not happy. See previous posts for details.

Now, before you start throwing stones and telling me that I could stay home if I weren't buying plush hamburger shaped CD cases, let me just be honest. I couldn't. This is using excess money from my job. Yes, I get paid pretty well.

If I can make it through December and get that bonus, I will be able to stay home with my daughter, be a lot happier, and hopefully cut back on the excess shopping.

In the mean time, I made a fatal miscalculation in our budget and my husband and I spent a crazy amount of money at Best Buy yesterday... long before the stupid auction. I checked our bank account only to realize that our car payment has not gone through yet. Whoopsie daisy...

Now I'm pulling money out of savings to make sure that nothing happens before my paycheck goes in. After I get paid, I can probably transfer all of the money back to our savings account-- after I pay our sitter.

I don't want to pay our sitter. I think she's doing a terrible job and she isn't living up to our agreement. But I have to. She is watching our daughter while I'm at work so that I can get a paycheck which is worth the pay.... I guess.

So I guess I'd better get back to clipping coupons before I kill our budget 2 months in a row. Buying things is fun. I wish I didn't think it was, but I do. Now I just have to learn to live with it. Hmm... maybe there's a sale I need to know about...

Revelations

2009-09-20T23:49:00.001-07:00

Lately, it seems like I'm stuck at the mouth of a cornucopia, getting smashed in the face by whatever hellish fiend flies out next.

I really don't want to whine, but it seems like a year's (or three...) worth of excitement has bounded ever so happily into our quiet little home. It started with the baby. Well, the pregnancy, actually. I discovered I was pregnant, went insane, lost our roommate, had 2 root canals, discovered I might have cancer, got gestational diabetes, hypertension, and pre-e... then had an emergency c-section where we both almost died.

Following that, I had the fastest c-section recovery the hospital had ever seen.

Then I discovered I was allergic to Percoset, stopped breathing, discovered that I had to care for this little lovey without much assistance, and tried to balance our budget for me to stay home.

Then my company was acquired by a rival. Part of the deal is that the rival has to buy the employees too. That means that we all get bonuses.... on the condition that you are an employee in good standing come December. At that point, you get half of 40% of your earnings from July 2008-July 2009. The second half will be delivered December of 2010.

This was all fine and dandy because my husband was supposed to be getting transferred in October so it didn't really apply to me.

Then our plans got canceled... the day I was going to resign.

Back to work I go.

Oh, no! Childcare!

"I'll watch her! I'll do it cheap! I don't have a job so anything you pay me will be fine."

"Oh, sorry, I don't want to watch your daughter anymore because you aren't paying me enough and here's a list of dates that I'm unavailable. I know there are days every week but I'm sorry. You know what? I'm going to sleep and let my abusive husband watch your daughter all by himself. Now I'm sick. You still haven't paid me. By the way, I'm not available Halloween. I'm taking the kids trick or treating. I'm sorry that you have to work and have no one else to watch her but them's the breaks. Yes I realize that if I had told you I didn't want to keep your daughter just a few days sooner you could have hired a nanny but I really didn't take your feelings or plans into consideration because I resent the fact that you get to work and have a life outside of your kids."

It's time for Alyssa to start teething! And get a wicked diaper rash from her lack of care.

Oh wait, I made a horrible miscalculation, we would be on the streets if I weren't at work. Theres no way we can send her to daycare.

Oh what? Cancer. Shit, I forgot. Okay, do your test.... s0mething's wrong? Do another one, I'll wait patiently for the results.

It's my fault you didn't put the right address on your order? I'm letting some flake keep my daughter for half my pay and I have to put up with this shit? Lets re-evaluate the budget.

Shit. There really isn't enough money to go around.. Oh well, we're getting transferred in January, it'll all be over soon.

What, that may not happen? Oh well, our lease isn't up til January anyway.

November, you say?

Should we move and possibly save money, only to maybe get transferred in January or stay where we are, in a complex we hate, paying way too much?

Too bad I haven't been able to have a real conversation with my husband in a week. We might be able to come up with a plan if I didn't have to go to sleep before he even leaves work.

Can someone please stop the ride? I need a break!!!!!

Just relax, i'm going to rip out pieces of your vagina.

2009-09-15T16:41:00.001-07:00

I went for my Colposcopy today. Things weren't as good as they could have been and we'll have to wait a week to see if they are as bad as they could be. Between now and then I have to try and keep my mind off of it. Riiiight.

So, I'm in the office, feet in stirrups and my husband grabs my hand. The doctor explained the procedure-- 'we put vinegar on your cervix. if you have abnormal cells, they will turn white. we'll biopsy any white spots to check for cancer. it could be bad... it could be nothing'

For a moment, I wondered how they dispose of samples once they have been tested. Then I wondered how many pieces of me are floating around the universe... is there a baggie with a little bit of me in it hanging out in Russia? How would I know?

My husband thought this would be a good time to relieve some of my anxiety. "Woah, there's a lady checking out your whohoo with a telescope!"

We all laughed, we kept making jokes, then the cells turned white.

A few snips, some iodine and "mud cells" later, and I was ready to go. We did a little shopping and got some lunch. The retail therapy helped relieve the stress a bit. I bought some frames to put more of our pictures in and I added to Alyssa's new Precious Moments collection.

I have a minor shopping addiction that has kind of exploded since I gave birth. I'm really hoping that I can wean myself off shopping once Christmas passes. At least I'm getting good deals! I haven't paid more than half price for anything and I even got a pair of steel toed boots for $10.

No matter what other problems I have, I just remind myself that I have a wonderful, happy, healthy baby and then I realize that nothing else matters. I want her to stay that way.

She's even sleeping through the night a little! She's such an angel when she's asleep. I love cuddling with her... it makes everything better.

MIA

2009-09-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

The last week has been very eventful... kind of like Club Med in hell. Our sitter basically quit, I got my first ever speeding ticket, and I've had to prepare for cancer testing. Oh, Boy!

So, our sitter decided that we were not paying her nearly enough to watch our newborn. Newborns are a lot of work and she feels that she just doesn't have the time to devote to caring for someone else's child. She brought up the fact that she has to pay a sitter $5 an hour and felt that she should get something comparable.

I'm all for people trying to make some money, but we adjusted our plans based on the agreement that she would watch our daughter during the day and sometimes overnight for a set amount of money each week. The theory "I want more money for less work" really irritated me.

Part of the reason we went with her is because she's a friend and she needs the money, part of it was that I didn't want to put Alyssa in daycare or send her to live with my parents for a few months.

Now that the 'babymoon' is over, she doesn't want to live up to her bargain.

So I looked at daycare again. No one that we can afford (and that doesn't have at least 10 metro reports for abuse and molestation) is accepting infants right now.

My job is requiring mandatory overtime, so our lunches have been cut down to the minimum allowed by law and we will probably have to start staying later. This means, for me, that I can no longer pump at work. For Alyssa, that means that she is mostly getting formula.

Another expense.

Then I went and got a speeding ticket.

Alyssa was not in the car, so no hate mail please.

I thought the speed limit was 65 and was coming up over a hill straight into a speed trap. As it turns out, the speed limit was 55... I was doing 71.

I ended up being late to work.

I'm starting to think that all of the bullshit isn't worth it, especially since I spend a good chunk of my day trying to explain that I miss my daughter too much to hang pictures up at my desk.

Hopefully Tuesday we'll find out that I don't have cancer and that'll take some of the stress off. Maybe then I won't be so cranky... lately I've been mean for no reason. Only to the people I love, which makes it worse.

Never to the baby.

I just apologize for not being a better mom.

Maybe this is that PPD is like?

Left foot green, right hand... omg... is that.. poop?

2009-09-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes it is.

We went out for a lovely dinner at Olive Garden to celebrate my return to work. Unlimited pasta bowls, great breadsticks, lots of salad... what could possibly go wrong? When you have an infant, you get a whole new perspective on Murphy's' law.

She slept the whole car ride there so I knew we would never make it through the entree without some fussing and sure enough, before we were even done with our first salad plate, she wanted to nurse. I'm not yet comfortable nursing in public and I didn't want to leave the table to nurse in private, so I gave her a bottle. She calmed down and went back to sleep in her car seat. She has these harness pads that feature cute little puppy dogs and she had one ear in her mouth, using her arm as a pillow.

Once our food arrived, angel hair with meat sauce, we dug in. It was really, really good. I got meatballs and sausage on mine. I was in heaven.

After a few minutes, I looked down and noticed that the puppy on the right side was really dirty. I leaned in for closer examination "What did you get all over your puppy? Did that happen at O's?" Then I noticed a small puddle on the right hand side of the car seat. "Oh no... Wipes. I need wipes!"

My Husband grabbed the wipes out of the diaper bag. "This one's empty, get the other one."

He rummaged and found my store brand back-ups at the bottom of the bag. I grabbed a few out and threw them over her right side since she was trying to put her poo covered hand in her mouth.

I asked one of the waiters if he could get me a bag. Sadly, Olive Garden doesn't use plastic. Good for recycling... bad for poo covered clothes. I took it anyway and ran to the bathroom with the car seat. Alyssa stayed remarkably calm.

I got the changing table pulled down, threw her changing pad on it and got everything set to get her cleaned up. Then i got smacked in the head with a stall door. Those bathrooms are tiny!

A little girl tugged on her Mommy's hand "Look at the little baby! Can I go see it?" Her mom walked her over to get a better view. "Oh, what a precious little angel you have! Can my daughter shake her hand?"

"Now really isn't a good time... She's going to start screaming any second."

"Oh, does she not like to get changed?"

"She does just fine with diapers but this is a little more involved."

I grabbed some paper towels to protect my hands (note to self: add disposable gloves to the diaper bag. And an apron.) and grabbed Alyssa under the arm pits.

"Don't do that, you'll drop her... OH MY! Come on honey, let's let this mommy get her cleaned up."

It was worse than I thought. Her entire right side was covered in poop. All the way to her ear. I didn't even know where to start. I grabbed some wipes and got as much as I could cleaned up, then I changed her diaper. I'm not sure who thought it would be a good idea to put real buttons on the back of a dress (her brand new dress. never worn. so cute.) but they need to be stabbed.

I couldn't get all of the buttons undone while trying to keep her from squirming to the floor, so it was a little bit of a struggle to pull her dress down rather than going over hear head, but I finally got it off. I tossed it in the paper bag, along with everything that was in the car seat, and realized that her new diaper was now poo covered. So I put down some paper towels and changed her diaper again.

I lined her car seat with paper towels so that I could put her back in it while I washed off her changing pad.

Once everything was clean enough, I took her back to her daddy and got the keys to take the dirty clothes to the car.

The waitress gave exclaimed, "You survived!" and threw her arms around me. I guess My Husband told her what happened.

The waitress boxed up our food and even got us our 'endless pasta' refills to take home. Amazing! I couldn't believe that she was going to do that. We gave her a really good tip. Alyssa was asleep before we even got to the car.

My Husband and I chatted a little bit on the way back, but mostly we were talking ourselves through the gameplan for once we got home. I dismantled the car seat and threw everything that would detach into the washing machine. Then I dumped the paper bag in. There was no time to scrub everything beforehand... my stomach was already a little weak. We got Allie out of her backup outfit and threw that in too, then we put her in the sink for a bath. She wasn't real happy since we had woken her up, but she did pretty well.

I can now officially say that I cannot wait to go back to work.

I love my daughter. More than I've ever loved anything in my life. I want to make sure she has the means to have nice clothing, a great education, and everything she needs to grow and develop her own personality. To do that, I know that I need to work... at least for a little while.

If we get enough saved up, I won't have to work when we have our next child so I am willing to do whatever it takes now. On nights when O is going to keep her overnight, I'm going to put in some extra hours that way we can pad our savings account with all of the extra income. That will also help keep my mind busy so I'm not so sad. It's a necessary evil but knowing that O will have her for a few days in a row just breaks my heart. It's really the only option but I feel guilty for letting her keep Alyssa so much... like I'm missing out on an important part of being a new mom.

I already have a 2 hour commute and if I had to drop her off and pick her up everyday, that would quickly turn into 3 and a half or 4 hours.

I hope my little Allie Cat understands that I'm not abandoning her... Once she's a teenager screaming about how I never loved her, I'll have her look at this blog and show her that no one could ever love her more. Afterall, I let her wipe poop on me in a restaurant bathroom.

Kickin ass? Check... On to taking names.

2009-08-31T21:10:00.000-07:00

Due to a small oversight, I won't be going back to work until Thursday. In the mean time I've been trying to get our apartment back in shape now that Allie will amuse her self in short bursts.

Today, for the first time, I was able to get a shower and brush my teeth in the same hour.

I've been able to do a little decorating, get some things organized and yet, somehow, it doesn't look like I've gotten anything accomplished.

My biggest accomplishment this week was hooking up our new PS3. My Husband openly , admits that I'm better at hooking up electrical equipment than he is, so it's always my job. Well, I was frustrated and grumpy when I hooked it up so of course it didn't work right the first time around. The PS3 worked just fine, but we could no longer watch cable tv. This was fine for a while since we have streaming netflix through the XBOX 360, but it's Monday and I wanted to watch the new episode of True Blood.

With about 10 minutes of magic time I managed to get the cable box, PS3, XBOX 360, and Wii hooked up to the same tv and they are all fully functional. I felt like a freaking genius.

I celebrated by putting Allie on my shoulders and bouncing her around. Pretty soon that turned in to "Mommy is my new pony" and she used my hair as reigns. She was holding on enough to sit up unsupported and we tried to get a picture. I had my hand up just in case, and then she leaned (not fell) back as hard as she could, giggling.

Mommy was not giggling.

Oh yeah

2009-08-30T23:02:00.000-07:00

By the way, my daughter is the cutest thing ever.

I'm glad you agree.

Mother of the Year...

2009-08-30T02:18:00.000-07:00

If you have ever had the pleasure of letting me ride shotgun in your car, you've probably seen me freak out by something I deem as an immediate threat. Be it an SUV on a rampage, a bunny hopping across the road, or a shirtless old man jogging down the sidewalk, wrinkly man-boobs flapping in the breeze.

The less threatening the object is, the more I'm able to come up with with an actual word rather than pointing and yelling "BEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Which is the sound of an SUV about to smash into our car. Yes, I actually yelled "BEEEEEEE!!!!" and we narrowly missed an accident because I couldn't say "Hey, watch out for that SUV. He's running that stop sign."

Well, after a rather frustrating night of babysitting and a rather long ride home, I totally lost my mind. There was a lane closure at the next intersection and you had to kind of weave through construction barrels to get into the left turn lane. Well, someone did a really bad job and knocked one of the barrels over. It was laying in the lane, totally blocking the road.

For the first time, there was actually something hazardous and I was able to form an actual word. It totally did not pertain to the situation, but it's something you might overhear in a conversation.

I pointed at the overturned barrel and yelled "DOUCHE BAG!"

With my infant in the car.

I am soooo glad she can't talk yet.

Hold on a minute...

2009-08-27T18:04:00.000-07:00

Due to the response of my last blog post, I'd just like to make a few things clear. Please do not take any of this personally, I love you all, I just want you to understand the factors.

1. We do not live on base nor can we afford to break our lease and move on base. Robin could move into the dorms to live for free if we got divorced, but he would lose about a thousand dollars a month in pay. Yeah, I could come home to stay with my parents for a while but then we would have to pay 5k to break our lease, I would have to divorce my husband, and we would still be losing money.

This is going to sound really bitchy and I'm sorry, but I just have to say it. People on and off the blog have suggested that I move in with my parents for a while to save money. We would still have to pay rent on our apartment and our family would still be in separate states and I still wouldn't have an income. How can we keep from breaking up our family by breaking up our family?

2. Her sitter is going to cost me $100 a week. I make $15 an hour, so this really isn't eating into our money. We will be fine, financially, with me going back to work. Even after child care costs.

3. I would be sending money to my parents to take care of Alyssa. She would not be in daycare since they would be watching her. If they needed someone to give them a break, there are 10 people on standby and I would only need to pay them a little bit for their time.

4. Student loan companies will only offer deferments if you haven't had your loans deferred repeatedly. They also don't like to work with you when you have defaulted on them repeatedly in the past. Yeah, I was young, dumb, and financially irresponsible. It has bitten me in the ass more than once.

5.This is something we are considering as an option ONLY if we find that we cannot take care of her while My Husband is working overnight. This is for her well being as well as ours. If we feel that we can't care for her at that time, my parents are willing to step in and help. Since we are states away, we would have to leave her with them until we could go get her. We are under no circumstances abandoning our child, considering giving her up for adoption, or trying to get rid of her.

6. I like pie.

7. After December I will not be working because that awesome bonus would be more than enough to pay off the loan and make sure that we can make the car payment for a while. These are things that my job pays for. My Husband's income covers absolutely everything else. Rent, utilities, groceries, gas, insurance... everything. I technically may not HAVE to go to work, but then we wouldn't have to worry about where the money for the car payment was going to come from. If we get behind on any of our payments, My Husband can lose his job. That's not really something you have to worry about in the civilian sector, but if he gets a dishonorable discharge for failure to meet his financial obligations he will be completely unemployable.

These are the things that we're taking into consideration and we are not going to take this lightly. We are weighing the pros and cons and your input has really helped us try and come up with other solutions.

Change of plans...

2009-08-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

For the last 6 months, we have known that we will be moving to New Mexico in October. Everything was going to work out perfectly since I would get to stay home with the baby and pack, then we would move and we would be able to afford for me to be a full time mom without having to worry that we wouldn't be able to pay our bills.

I worked really hard to pay off our credit cards and pay down our car as much as possible to make things even easier. Currently, I have one student loan to pay off and then we just have our car payment left.

Well, the day My Husband was supposed to get his orders making our move official, the day I was going to officially quit my job, we found out that "Guess what?! Your squadron did something awesome so the President (PotUS) wants to give you guys more work immediately!"

Yes, Obama fucked my plans.

This means that we will not be moving, I have to go back to work, and Alyssa is going to miss her momma for 11 or so hours a day.

Since she doesn't sleep through the night yet, things are going to get really stressful and I just hope that I can make it to December without getting my ass canned. Why December? While I was on maternity leave, our company made a deal with the devil. The new company offered a buttload of cash for employee bonuses. My company decided that the bonuses would be 40% of your pay from July 2008 to July 2009 and will be paid in two installments. The first installment will be paid around Christmas 2009 but you must be an employee in good standing as of December 1st. The second will be paid around Christmas of 2010 but you have to be an employee in good standing as of December 1st 2010.

There's probably no way I'll be getting the second installment, but I sure could use the first one. It would be roughly $7,000.

Well, one of our friends is going to watch Alyssa during the day for about $100 a week. This is all fine and dandy while My Husband has a daytime or afternoon schedule. When he's on overnights? We're fucked.

Insert plan A: Starting October, My Husband will be on overnights. The possible plan A includes taking Alyssa home to stay with Gigi and Grumpy and either her Mimi and Pops can bring her back for Thanksgiving or Gigi and Grumpy will bring her back in December.

This would mean two months away from my precious baby, but also two months of sleep. Worry free.

Plan B: Suffer through it, go batshit crazy and possibly lose my job. I CAN NOT LOSE MY JOB. Everything banks on getting that bonus and I do NOT want to put that in jeopardy. Even if it means my baby gets some extra time with her grandparents.

Now, of course, I would not let my daughter suffer so that I can make some extra cash. That would be insane so please keep your hate comments to a minimum. Her grandparents are totally capable of taking care of her and have support handy if they need a break. My entire family has offered their time and energy, all I have to do is ask and provide some financial compensation (diapers are expensive)

Also, in September I have to have a colposcopy (Copo) to check for cervical cancer since my recent pap came back HPV positive with mild dysplasia to high risk dysplasia. Fabulous.

We have some hard decisions to make and I get the feeling that the next few months are going to be rather exciting indeed.

I should have stayed longer...

2009-08-17T22:53:00.000-07:00

On the 3rd, I took Alyssa home to meet her great mammaw and her grandmother's on My Husband's side. Mostly it was a trip to meet her Mammaw since she is very ill and probably won't be with us much longer. Fortunately, we got to celebrate her 92nd birthday in person and she got to hold her great granddaughter, and kiss her, and tell her how amazing she is.

I spent two weeks back home and, somehow, it wasn't nearly long enough. It was nice to see as many people as I could, but I didn't get to see or do half of the things on my list. I wanted to hang out with all of my friends but I am really glad that I got to see as many of them as I could.

My dad also had to have back surgery while I was there, so that caused me to throw a lot of my plans out the window.

There will be pictures soon but for now I am adjusting to taking care of the baby on my own again. It was really, really nice to be able to hand her off to someone else so I could get a few hours of peace and I honesty don't think my family minded one bit. She has everyone wrapped so tightly around her tiny fingers that I'm amazed we got on the plane with all limbs intact.

Now that I'm back, I hope to update with more frequency-- it was really hard to try and cram in a blog update between napping, spending time with family and hanging out with a few of my friends...

Anyway, look for more awesomeness soon!

So this is what they're talking about...

2009-08-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

When parents are around their friends without children, they tend to romanticize what family life is really like. I guess this is nature's way of making sure that we continue the species.

When parents are around new parents, they tell you all of the horrible things you never wanted to know about raising children.

Well screw that, I'm not going to candy coat this for anyone. You need to know what you're up against.

For the last few days, Alyssa has had a sour stomach and there isn't a whole lot that we can do about it. We've tried Karo syrup, rice water, and now we're going to get some "Gripe Water" from the pharmacy to see if that helps. In the meantime, I've been trying to relieve as much of the pain as possible through massage and the use of teething tablets. For those of you that don't know, teething tablets are meant to dissolve under your tongue or in water and are made from chamomile and belladonna. They help the baby relax so that they are not in so much pain and can sleep. I have started taking these myself and I must say, they are fabulous.

Last night I got to see two of my best friends for a little bit and shortly after they left I had my most horrific moment as a new mom. Worse than when she rolled off the couch. Worse than when she almost choked on her bottle during the airplane ride (Oh, I'm back home with my parents, I'll explain that later) and much worse than when I dropped Cool Whip in her mouth.

With her tummy troubles, Alyssa hasn't been able to poop normally for about a week. She was doing okay until a few days ago when she went from 3 messy diapers a day down to one or less. She still has lots of wet diapers so she isn't getting dehydrated, but her bowels aren't moving as well as they should. The doc said not to worry until it's been 5 days with no movement. Kay.

Last night after my friends left, she finally pooped for the first time that day. I was so proud of her and I was excited to change her diaper and go to bed. (Yeah, you can tell I'm a mom. 'Yay, you went poopie!!!') I laid her down on a changing pad on my air mattress, then took her diaper off. Wow, that was a lot of poop. I wiped her down and reached over to get the new diaper. She started to go again. Quickly, I covered her up with the old diaper so she could finish up. When she was done, I unhooked the diaper and started wiping her up again. Just before Before I was able to get the new diaper in place she started going again.

I wasn't able to cover her up as quickly as before.

My stomach hasn't been that awesome lately either, and I almost threw up on my baby.

I raced to get her cleaned up and get a new diaper on so that I could clean everything up. I moved her to another changing pad right next to me so that I could keep poop from getting all over the comforter since it was already on me and her clothes. Then she started crying. A lot. I made sure that she was completely clean, got her in a new outfit and tried to put her in the swing while I cleaned up the mess. I ended up using 2 diapers and 3 changing pads and one extra outfit. She wouldn't stop crying and I was afraid that she was going to wake my mom up (she had to go to work in the morning afterall) and I started crying myself. Apparently, I was calling out "I need help" while in tears and trying to calm Alyssa.

Mom came to the rescue.

I threw away all the diapers and changing pads, then went to the bathroom to scrub her clothes. Once I was confident that nothing would stain, I threw the clothes in the washing machine and had a cigarette while mom calmed Alyssa down.

After I was positive that all of the poop had been cleaned up, I sat down and talked to mom for a little bit. Once Alyssa was asleep, I laid down with her so that we could go to bed. That's when she got really mad. I could hear her stomach bubbling and I would have given anything to be able to make it stop, but I don't have magic powers so I just had to let her cry. I held her and rocked her and tried every "get rid of gas" treatment that I know. After a while, the bubbling stopped and the massage put her to sleep. That was at 3 am. Mom went to bed and I crashed.

Something we tried must have worked because she slept until 7 or so this morning and only woke up because she wanted to nurse. I latched her on and went back to sleep. When she was done I woke up, burped her, and laid her back down. Since then she has slept for most of the day.

Sadly, now I can't sleep.

Too much free time

2009-07-26T05:01:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've found that I have lots of time to do unproductive things like read magazines, watch tv, and be online. See, these are things that I can do on the couch while the baby is sleeping. I have tried cleaning while she is asleep but, for some reason, the thought of me accomplishing something around the house is very offensive to my 4 week old and she starts crying uncontrollably whenever I try.

Since I enjoy my hearing, I have given up.

In the meantime, I have learned a lot about stocks, bonds, mutual funds, savings accounts, weird headlines around the world, how to get the most for your money when doing remodeling, how to open a door with a credit card, where you can find the best coupons, services that offer a week's worth of food to families for insanely low prices (I plan on using some of these. Their motto, "if you eat, you qualify" well, we eat and we are on a tight budget) and what it takes to get on to The Price is Right.

When I'm not able to learn things online, I watch tv. Or movies. Lately, movies. Redbox is my friend. Usually, I'll stop by Redbox while on one of our "please stop crying and go to sleep" drives at 3am.

Here's a short list of movies I think you should watch:

1. Inkheart. It's pretty good and there's a scene that includes a shirtless male twirling fire.

2. Confessions of a Shopaholic. I might have a little bit of a shopping addiction and I really, really liked seeing someone that was waaaay worse than me. I don't buy designer clothes or anything, I just buy things that are a little less than useful (i.e.: book binding machine/laminator. Great in theory, only works with a specific type of book. I have not tested the laminator. )

3. Gran Turino. LOVE. Seriously... watch this movie. repeatedly. and cry.

4. Yes, Man. It really makes me want to try it.

5. Seasons 2, 3, and 4 of How I Met Your Mother. Okay, it isn't a movie but you should still watch it.

6. Martian Child. I love this movie so much but maybe that's because I was the weird kid.

And here's a list of movies I think you should skip... also titled "Give me my 2 hours back":

1. Medea Goes to Jail. The play is awesome, the movie is boring.

2. He's Just Not That Into You. Boring and slow and not pretty.

3. Bedtime Stories. It was alright but I wouldn't recommend it.

4. Into the Wild. Slow and sad.

5. Mamma Mia. I want my time, energy, and happiness back.

I am taking care of my child, I just have a lot of hours to fill while she is sleeping. I wish I could sleep myself, but it usually doesn't happen that way. So... if you have any good movie recommendations I'll be happy to give them a spin!

be thankful...

2009-07-23T05:41:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of perks to being a military wife. Seriously. I know it may sound like a joke, but i'm not kidding!

Free Health Care: Yes, that's right, 100% totally free. I'm sick, I go to the doctor, I show my id, get seen and walk out. No paperwork. No bills. Giving birth did not cost me a dime. Not even for my meals. With all of the complications, my baby could have been hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Getting to Visit New Places: We probably never would have come to Las Vegas if My Husband hadn't gotten stationed here and I know for a fact that we would not have gone to San Angelo, Tx, if we hadn't been forced to.
Lots of Friends: We meet a lot of people and have friends all over the world. We haven't gone all over the world yet, but our friends have been scattered.
Learning Fun Acronyms and Abbreviations: The Air Force loooves their acronyms like POTUS, TDY, PCS, GCS, DITY, BX, AFFES, WTS... plus, when talking about My Husbands boss, we have to call him/her "The Shirt"

Military Weddings: We have to renew our vows because, at a military wedding, you leave the chapel through an arch of sabres (also spelled saber) Seriously. An arch of swords, people in uniforms, how hot is that?

Even with all of the perks, there are a lot of downsides as well.

For example, my husband is in charge of a very expensive plane. He is required to have X amount of hours sleep before he is allowed to fly said UNMANNED plane. This means that I get baby duty while he is sleeping. Tonight, he went to work at 10pm. I've been on baby duty since noon yesterday. He called me this morning to say that he will not be leaving until at least 9 am. That means he will be home around 10 at the earliest.

That means that when he gets home, even if I go straight to bed, I'll get 3 hours of sleep, max. Why don't I sleep while the baby sleeps? I'm glad you asked! It's impossible. Just about the time I get to sleep, she wakes up and needs something. I fix whatever is wrong and lay back down. By the time I get to sleep, she's awake and crying. Rinse and repeat.

Most nights I can at least get a nap but tonight I got to experience my first infant fever. I thought about taking her to the hospital but realized that 99.5 isn't high enough to worry about and, besides, I can't drive anyway.

The after-hours nurse told me to have my husband bring her in if her fever got above 100. Fortunately, it did not.

Now I'm sitting on the couch, with my fussy little baby, waiting for My Husband to walk through the door. Honestly, I don't think I've ever been this excited about him coming home when nothing special is happening. Well, maybe a few times, but still... it's going to rock.

Virtual Shower, Actual Awesomeness

2009-07-21T16:59:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, Hey You from TheHuckablog hosted a super awesome virtual baby shower for us and Alyssa. She sent us boxes of presents and a box full of decorations to match what she had her house decorated with, then we busted out the webcams and Skyped the whole thing. It was so awesome and I really wish I could have been there in person. When we were planning the shower, there was no way that I could have made it. Now, apparently, I'm going to be going 'home' in a few weeks. I totally could have been there!

The trip wasn't finalized until after he shower so I didn't know when or if I would actually be there. My Mammaw is very, very sick and she's going to be celebrating her 92nd birthday. We all really want her to meet her granddaughter, so we decided that we should make a trip. Unfortunately, My Husband wasn't able to get any leave approved so it will just be a trip for the two of us. Her first vacation!

Anyway, back to the shower.

It was so awesome! The decorations were amazing- I couldn't believe they worked so hard on them! The gifts were so thoughtful and very much appreciated and it was super exciting to get to see my friends together even if I couldn't be there. My Husband's favorite part was one of the shower games. Hey You wrote down what we first said when we opened each gift. From our responses, she made a list of things that were probably said on the night of conception. It was hilarious.

Somehow, I managed to not charge the camera battery before the shower, so I only have a few pictures. However, I will make up for it by displaying other pictures! YAY!!!!

My Husband's squadron sent us this awesome diaper cake! Their mascot is a bull and the wives club is named the Lady Bulls (because we didn't want to be The Cows...) so they even included a cute little beanie bull!

the pile of presents!

Now we move into non-shower pictures. This is Alyssa in the waiting room for her 2 week checkup.

My Brother holding Alyssa! We were still the same age at the time but we celebrated his birthday while he was here.

After delivery, work sent me a box full of logo baby stuff! (wow, I'm really starting to let go of that anonymity thing...)

My Mom (Gigi, Granmomma... we're still working on it) holding Alyssa in the hospital. Yes, Alyssa is holding her own head up. She's been doing that since day 1.

The end!

Chapter 1: Starting Over

2009-07-14T01:51:00.000-07:00

During their lives, most people wish that they could hit the reset button and try again. In golf, it's called a mulligan, on the playground it's a do-over and with pinball, well, it's a power outage.

Right now I have a core group of friends that has been with me for years. Some are newer than others but they are all equally important and loved. These people are my friends even though they have seen my worst moments and know my worst secrets.

I am one of the luckiest people in the world because I count my mom as one of my best friends. We weren't always very close and we still have our moments where we aren't very nice, but I wouldn't trade our relationship for any thing. Seriously. Not even money. That's love right there.
I want to have that kind of relationship with my daughter. I know that she needs a parent more than a friend, but I hope that we can be best friends even though I'll have to ground her and keep her from walking out the door dressed like that.

This little girl is the most important thing in my life right now and I feel like I've been given the opportunity to hit my reset button. I can start over and be the best person, parent, teacher, friend that I know how to be.

This time I'm going to do things the right way. I'll eat my vegetables, do my homework, and always say I love you before I leave. I'm going to make mistakes and I hope that she will forgive me. I hope that I will forgive myself. It isn't going to be perfect but maybe it will be close enough.

Holy crap, what did you eat?!

2009-07-08T22:50:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things that people don't tell you about the first weeks of motherhood-- for instance, that you will probably injure your baby. There are also a lot of lies that get spread: "If you breastfeed, their diapers won't stink as bad!" Riiiiiight. 'Kay. So, if you use formula, your child will be able to gag the neighbors? Sometimes it nearly knocks me over and I'm used to 'manly men' and their lax rules about public flatulence (one of the many perks of having a military husband)

It feels good to know that, at one point in my life, I was content to suck on a boob, throw up, crap my pants and pass out. Then again, that sounds like a lot of my old friends' daily routines.

Taking on the responsibility of a child may sound like a good idea, hell, it may feel like a good idea, but make sure you think it through. Here is a list of 10 reasons to reconsider that condom:

1. You will have to change their diaper. A lot. When you're half asleep and your motor functions aren't quite up to par. If you are not okay with being covered in poo, you really, really need to think about this.

2. They eat every 2 hours. This may seem like a long time but 30 minutes of that 2 hours is spent feeding them, so really, they eat every hour and a half. Think about the time it takes you to fall back asleep once you've been rudely woken up in the middle of the night. Now think about how many hours of sleep you need so that you can go to work in the morning. Realize that you will not sleep. Ever.

3. They're cute as hell and everyone is going to tell you how awesome they are. This may seem like a perk until it's 4:30 am, you haven't showered in a week, there is spit-up in your hair and all down your back and your little darling just won't stop crying. They aren't so cute then.

4. There is nothing good on t.v. This may not seem relevant until you've been awake for 54 hours watching MASH reruns. It is a lot easier to stay awake if you have something to distract you. Even if you have HBO, half of the movies are crap.

5. You will start to worry when they stop crying. Seriously. If the kid hasn't cried in 4 hours, you will begin to panic. Your partner will not appreciate you waking them up to ask if you should take the baby to the doctor. I believe this could be one of the top 5 reasons that spouses are murdered.

6. You are going to feel like you are doing everything wrong. This can be very challenging those that aren't used to being wrong. In fact, you may just feel like the universe has exploded and is focusing all of it's destructive energy on your life. This could be very damaging if you are that sort of person. Yep.

7. People give you the dumbest advice and you have to seem happy about it. Well, you should seem happy about it because it gets them to stop talking. "Don't forget to rub vinegar in their hair. It'll prevent cradle cap!" Riiight.... because science works that way. The truth is, NO IT DOESN'T, SHUT YOUR HOLE.

8. Strangers think it's alright to make jokes about your kid. "She's a feisty one, isn't she?!" Yeah. She's wiggly. She's trying to crawl to your throat and strangle you. You want to talk about a kid being fussy, have one of your own. There is not enough sleep in the world to make a parent think your jackassery is funny.

9. Even though they can't even crawl yet, you will start to worry about their future. Not like "Oh, she'll be one in a few months" no, much worse "Oh my god, she's going to start dating any day now. What the hell am I going to do?" Your mother was right, you will get paid back for your raising.

10. Aside from all of the physical, mental, and emotional changes you realize that this is a huge, life altering event. You will never again be able to go to the bathroom in peace.

This list may make it seem like no one on earth should ever have a child, and I'm not saying that. In fact, I love being a new mom. It's awesome. I created a human and now I get to watch them grow and discover everything for the first time. I'll get to help shape their personality and hopefully teach them to make good decisions. I'll be there to hold her and cry with her when she makes bad decisions. We are going to become this awesome family and there is no better feeling in the world than comforting your new child when no one else can. Seriously. It makes me feel like I'm this crazy powerful being with magical powers (boobs)

If you are currently thinking about starting a family, block out all of the fuzzy happy thoughts and really focus on the downside. If you're still excited, then go for it. It's the best thing you'll ever do.

What is this thing and why is it crying?

2009-07-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a little over a week since my amazingly adorable bundle of human came out. My Parents have left, the party is over, and I'm freaking exhausted. A few days ago I started having a horrible reaction to the Percocet I was on... my legs swelled up really huge and I got this horrible itchy rash all over my body. "Oh, Percocet does that to some people. Sorry!"

There was also a horrifying 'almost 911 call' because I was breathing but completely unresponsive. I blamed the Percocet, so I stopped taking it. Let's talk about pain for a moment, shall we? Between incision pain, contractions, labor, random horrible aches that will 'go away in time', and headaches from all the drugs I've been in a whole lot of pain since the 22nd.

Did I mention I was in labor for something like 30 hours before the c-section?

Shortly after I stopped taking my pain medication, I realized that half the reason I'm doing so much better than everyone expected is because I was stoned out of my mind on Percocet. What else can I take? Nothing! ... Lovely.

Back to the point

So, pain plus lack of sleep plus cranky equals a very bad time for depression. But sure as shit, the 'baby blues' come stompin' down my street lookin' for a place to crash. I have cried and gotten angry and, as much as I hate to admit it, thought about just giving her to my parents and having a new sister rather than a daughter.

My Husband has tried to be helpful but he's tired too and has been a little too eager to focus on all of the things that I'm screwing up. I forgot to pay our cable bill, put something in the wrong place, growled at him in my sleep, forgot I was holding a baby and nearly dropped her, knocked a bunch of stuff over and started crying because I couldn't pick it up, oh, and let the baby roll off the couch. That's right, I've had her less than a month and she's already hit her head. She was on the couch with me, I got up to take something to the kitchen, she rolled over and wiggled her way right onto the floor, smacking her head in the process.

I freaked the fuck out.

I threw everything I was holding into a chair and grabbed her out of My Husband's arms. For the next 10 minutes or so I clung to her like my life depended on it, rocking back and forth, crying. I kept telling her how sorry I was while My Husband yelled at me for being so careless.

That's a great feeling, let me tell you.

I called my mom. Mom used to own a daycare and my dad was an EMT, so I really trust their judgment on how to handle things like this. They said that she was probably fine and that we should keep her up for at least an hour to make sure that she didn't have a concussion. There isn't even a bruise on her head, so I don't think she hurt herself, it was just horrifying.

There are some moments where I feel worthless... like I'm a complete failure and I think about how unlucky she is to have me as a parent because I'm not very good at it. During those times I try to reassure myself that it's mostly the depression that's causing this feeling and that it will get easier and I will get more confident.

Then a little voice in the back of my head chimes in: "What if..."

Right now my relationship with My Husband is strained, I feel disconnected from my baby, and I have yet to receive any payment from my short term disability claim (maternity leave). I know things will get better, I just hope it happens soon.

P.S.

2009-06-27T13:56:00.001-07:00

Hey You was closest on the baby poll... She was 6lbs 13oz, 19 inches long and born on June 23rd at 7:42 pm PST

All aboard the choo choo PAIN

2009-06-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

I am officially a new mommy. On Monday, June 22nd I went in to meet with the anesthesiologist because I discovered that I might be denied pain medication since we hadn't had a formal "sit down and sign these forms" meeting. My doctor got me the first available appointment and we went over all of the risks and benefits of various sorts of pregnancy medication techniques. Going into it, I knew that I wanted to try and have as natural of a birth as possible.

HAH!

So, I signed the forms and took my chart back over to Labor and Delivery since I was scheduled for induction later that day. Rather than going in a few hours later, they were like "Oh, we've got your bed ready so hop on in. Let's get this party started!"

Wha?

We came home long enough for me to grab my bag and get eat lunch (like, as fast as I've ever eaten in my life... they warned me that I wouldn't be able to eat for a very long time) and then we rushed back over to the hospital. The plan was to start off with cervidil to soften and stretch my cervix, add a balloon to get me to 5cm, then 12 hours later we would start the pitocin drip and, hopefully, we would have a baby within the following 24 hours.

Well, it turns out I'd been having regular contractions and just couldn't feel them. I was already dilated to 2cm and the cervidil wouldn't have done anything at that point. They inserted a balloon to stretch my cervix to 5cm so that we could start the whole labor thing.

Wow, talk about some pain. I discovered that when I'm faced with horrible debilitating pain, I start laughing. A lot. It freaked the doctor out.

So, they got the balloon in and started the pitocin so that I could fully stretch and prepare for birth. A few hours later my contractions were so bad that I was laughing through tears without any stop. I asked for IV drugs.

They gave me some awesome stuff I spent the next several hours flopping between feeling great and 'omg this is the worst pain ever kill me now'. I also slipped in and out of consciousness. I was in a drug coma, so I wasn't even really getting any rest and I was so very tired. Tension was high since everyone was really stressed out. The people that love me the most had to watch me go through horrible pain and try to pretend that everything was alright. Some of us cope with things differently than others and feelings got hurt, people got mad, and I finally asked for an epidural.

In the event that we have another child, I'm getting that thing upon admission.

I requested more IV drugs so that I wouldn't jump around when they inserted the epidural catheter and they gave me some of the best stuff I've ever had in my life. My mom was next to me, stroking my hair, talking about being on the beach and listening to the waves... physically, I was in the hospital. Mentally, I was in Tahiti. At some point, I came to realize that my brain world wasn't showing an accurate picture of what was going on and started to freak out. 'Where's my fruity drink? Get Pablo back in here, I need a massage! That's not a volcano, that's a needle!'

Fortunately, I was able to keep my surprise to myself an d I don't think anyone really noticed. Except the nurse. She could see the disappointment in my face.

I sat up and arched my back as best I could, then I leaned into My Husband for support. To try and keep myself calm and still, I made up a little song to sing and it was quite hilarious. My Husband, the nurse and the anesthesiologist were all laughing. Yeah, great idea, make the lady with the needle laugh. What could go wrong?

It was actually really great. I don't know why I was so worried about it.

At that point, I got a catheter since I wasn't going to be walking for quite some time. As much as I hate to admit it, that was pretty awesome too. I didn't have to get up to pee. I was, officially, the laziest person on earth. Then I remembered that I was having a baby and without that awesome medication, I would be in excruciating pain. Oh yeah, that's why I'm in the hospital, right?

Well, from there, things just kept getting weirder and weirder, so I ended up on oxygen. This is what My Husband and My Parents got to look at for a very long time.

Even though they hated seeing me hooked up to all of these machines, I'm sure it was much easier than watching me cry my eyes out with every contraction.

I even got my bunny to squeeze.

During one of my moments of 'not quite there' I decided that I was having my baby at 7:42pm and that it would rock since 7 is a lucky number and 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Yeah, I'm a dork.

Oddly enough, things took a turn for the worst and they had to get the baby out very quickly. It wasn't an emergency c-section, it was just done very quickly.

On my list of the 10 most terrifying moments in my life, it's definitely in my top 2.

I had one doctor sitting on my chest trying to push my baby out, one doc on my side trying to make room and several other people in various places doing stuff. My Husband was trying to keep me focused on him so that I wouldn't think about what was going on. I didn't really care because I was in an awkward position and my back was killing me. I was bawling tears from my back pain and drug lady gave me some more medication. It kind of helped. Once my baby was out, I was still in a crazy amount of pain but I knew that I couldn't even try to move. They helped as much as they could, but it still was not pleasant.

I only kind of got to see my baby because I was shaking so bad that they were afraid I was going to reach out for her. Fortunately, My Husband got to see her and cut the cord and take pictures so that I could look at them while they were cleaning her off.

There was a miscommunication and my parents were told that they were not allowed to see her.

Holy crap the world exploded.

Rather than "you can't see her", they should have said "We're going to do her assessment and vaccination now so that you can all see her at the same time."

I got to my recovery room and wanted my baby. My Husband went to go get something from My Parents and came back freaking out. "Call your parents right now because they are leaving. Like, going home, leaving..."

I lost my shit.

I went into hysterics and tried calling them repeatedly. I left messages and demanded that they call as soon as they could. The nurses told me that if I didn't calm down I was going to rip out my stitches, have a stroke, and possibly bleed to death. Did I care? No. My mommy was leaving me and I couldn't figure out what I had done.

The nurses were even like "What the heck, what happened? They seemed fine."

The anesthesiologist came in, tried to calm me down, and gave me a big hug. My parents came back and we got everything straightened out. Turns out there was just a miscommunication.

My Husband asked if they could give me a sedative so that I wouldn't hurt myself.

We got everything straightened out. At this point, the nurses were really protective and my parents were really pissed off at the nurses. I had to explain what happened and everyone calmed down.

They finally brought the baby in and we all completely fell in love with her.

Can you blame us? A few hours old and she's already a ham.

From there, I had to stay in the hospital for several days and receive care of varying levels, ranging from '100% totally awesome' to 'why the hell am I even in the hospital? Let me die on the street'

Finally, they discharged me on Friday (after I yelled at them) and I've been doing really, really well ever since. Being at home has helped so much ( I don't have to wait 4 hours for some bitchy nurse to bring me my Percoset... I just reach over and grab it!)

There will be so many pictures to come, but for now, it's time to take a nap.

Say hello to my little friend....

2009-06-16T14:19:00.001-07:00

PLEASE!

Oh my gosh, I don't think this baby is ever going to come out!

My parents came in a few days ago because the doctor told me to be ready for induction on Tuesday if my kidney function did not improve. I came home and told my parents to head on out since we were probably going to have the baby really soon...

My parents got here on Sunday night and it is now Tuesday. I went for my NST today and 'good news!', my kidneys are doing better! Bad news? That means no baby for now. The induction is scheduled for Monday and we should have the baby by next Wednesday.

This means that my parents came out here a week early for no good reason. This means that my mom is missing a week's worth of pay just to hang out and help me clean. This means that they won't get to spend as much time with their granddaughter.

I will be spending at least 3 days in the hospital and I am NOT looking forward to that. I do not like hospitals, I do not like doctors, I sure as shit do not like being hooked up to machines and told that I can't move.

My current plan is to do everything in my power to make this baby come out now. NOW! Even though I'm terrified of the whole labor thing, I can't wait to walk around like a normal person again. I hate having to stop and lean on my shopping cart because I'm having contractions. I hate not being able to keep up with My Husband. I hate feeling like a burden. It's time for things to be somewhat normal again.

Then I think about what having a baby will mean. No more running to the store without loading someone up in the car. No more 'spur of the moment' micro-vacations. No more retail therapy. No more being free to do what I want, when I want. Constantly having this needy little thing to care for... Am I really 'Mommy' material?

I think so. I kind of 'mother' everyone anyway and I'm pretty good with kids even though they get on my nerves. Plus, I rock and I want to show the world just how awesome I am by spreading my genes around. I have so much love that I feel like I need another person to share it with, and who better than my own child?

My brain has a lot of stuff to process and I'm just starting to get to the point where I can think about these things in the context of my own life. It's no longer an abstract idea... I'm going to be a mom. Soon.

It scares the hell out of me, but I'm so ready.

What the crap, oh no, we are not ready

2009-06-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

I go to the doctor twice a week. On Tuesdays I get a NST (no stress test) and they check my glucose log and blood sugar to make sure everything looks good. At that point, I usually get a jug to do a 24 hour urine collection so they can see how much protein is spilling out.

Apparently, a lot.

The doc has decided that I will deliver no later than Monday the 22nd. Most likely I will have my baby on Tuesday. The doctor explained things to me like this:

'There are three levels of badness as far as protein in the urine goes. Green, yellow, and red. Most people walking around have a protein level of under 100. Your's is 575. Right now, you're in yellow moving toward red. If you get to red, we induce immediately since this will start causing permanent, irreversible damage to your kidneys and liver. If it gets bad enough, you will need dialysis or a kidney transplant. Let's get that baby out of you.'

I asked how long I had, since my parents are coming down for the delivery. She told me to call my parents and get them on a flight because if I start having blurred vision, pain, or headaches, they will induce immediately. My parents should hopefully be here tomorrow night.

Right now, I'm packing my bag for the hospital and I could really use some help. So far I have the following:

1 nightgown that can be destroyed
underwear that can be thrown away
facial cleanser
body wash
deodorant
medicated body powder
1 tennis ball
mouthwash
travel pack of baby care items (lotion, diaper cream, powder, wash, and shampoo)
onesies and a coming home outfit for Alyssa
1 receiving blanket

What else do I need?
What do you wish you had in your bag?
How much of this will I actually use?

HELP!!!!

We're goin' on a hike!

2009-06-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

My doctor told me to make sure I'm getting plenty of exercise since it's really important to keep my blood sugar and weight down right now, especially in the last few weeks of pregnancy. Since My Husband and I both had the day off and were dying to get out of the house, we went up to the mountain and took a stroll down one of the trails.

This is the very beginning of this trail-- the parking lot.

Party fail

2009-06-09T16:11:00.000-07:00

No one showed up to my baby shower.

Maybe I don't have as many friends as I thought.

One sad pregnant lady

2009-06-08T22:49:00.000-07:00

For those of you that haven't been paying attention, I am 9 months pregnant.

At this point, I'm very likely to rip your face off for being rude, doing something I don't like, or not doing something I have asked you to do.

I have developed a love for a very strange pizza. The Pizza Hut stuffed crust super supreme, no mushrooms or olives, add chicken and pineapple. I'm sure it sounds terrible... but it tastes delicious! This pizza is supposed to have pepperoni, beef, italian sausage, ham, bell pepper, onion, chicken, and pineapple.

Tonight.... they let me down.

What I received was a pizza with chicken, bell pepper, and pineapple.

The pizza I ordered is $25.

The pizza I got is not.

I had already eaten a slice before I noticed, so I submitted feedback on their website rather than calling the store.

Depending on how they handle this, I may also be boycotting Pizza Hut.

When I have a poor customer experience I don't usually complain. On the off chance that I complain, I am VERY upset, but I always stay nice and calm because I know it wasn't done maliciously.

If I speak to a service representative with a complaint or request, I expect to be treated with at least as much respect and courtesy as you would give anyone else. IF YOU ARE MEAN TO ME, I WILL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT.

Well, not really, but I will express my disgust and boycott your company.

Right now, there are a few companies on my shit list but only two of them are slightly interesting.

1. Sprint
2. Domino's pizza.

Since we are talking about pizza, I'll go with that story. Remind me to tell you about Sprint someday... when I'm not pregnant.... and when my blood pressure is low.... and I don't have a knife.

About a year ago, we ordered pizza from Domino's, which we did very frequently back then. When it came, My Husband paid with his debit card and we all sat down to enjoy what was sure to be an amazing dining experience.

They sent the wrong pizza.

And My Husband's debit card was missing.

He called the store to see if the driver had accidentally forgotten to give it back. The first words out of their mouths were "We did not steal your debit card".

Oooookay, we never said you did.

They said that they would send the driver back to see if he still had the card.

The driver that came out was not the guy that delivered our pizza.

We called the store. "Yes he is"

No, he isn't. For one, this is a short, pudgy, Armenian man. Our driver was a tall, lanky, Caucasian boy.

"Oh, no he isn't. Here, we'll have the real driver come out"

He called... and proceeded to scream at My Husband that he did not steal his debit card.

We never said you did. We were just asking if it was turned into the store since we can't locate it now.

After the driver left, I called the store to tell them how upset I was. The manager said, and this is a direct quote, "I'm sorry you're upset, but we did not take your fucking card. Get over it."

I NEVER SAID YOU DID.

I told her that, aside from the card, I was really unhappy with the way the situation was handled. Our incorrect pizza was never addressed and she basically told me that she didn't care because it was her store and she could run it the way she wanted.

That day, Domino's was outlawed in this house.

Three weeks later, My Husband was getting in to his car and, magically, his old debit card was tucked in one of the crannies on his steering wheel. Now, he's pretty oblivious sometimes, but I'm fairly certain that he would have noticed that at some point.

You fucking stole the debit card and then returned it when you found out it had been canceled. Bastard!

My Husband, who loooooves Domino's pizza, has ordered there a few times since then but he always pays with cash. At this point, he has learned that it is best to hide the boxes from me because I tend to go a little berserk when I find out that he ordered from them.

And now for something less depressing

2009-06-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

Nesting is in full swing here in our humble abode. Since I've been taken off work, it seems that my new mission is to make sure the apartment is 100% clean and ready for the baby since it will probably never get that clean again.

The most interesting part? We're also packing in preparation for a permanent change of station. This means that we will probably be moving very, very soon. If it weren't for my pregnancy, we would probably already be there. So, while getting everything ready for my precious little girl, we're also packing up everything that isn't essential to our daily life.

If you visit in the next few months, do not be shocked if all of the decor is gone. Though I feel it is essential, apparently it isn't and needs to be hidden in totes so that we can load up a moving truck in a hurry.

The interior designer in me is weeping.

This also means that I can't make my baby's room as cute as it could be. It really, really bothers me that the walls are blank and there aren't shelves adorned with cute little baby things. I want so badly to start stenciling and painting and hanging things up to make her room as cute as possible. I know that she won't remember it, but the pictures will last forever. "No, you weren't living in a prison... we were just moving."

At least it's something...

2009-06-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

I am officially on maternity leave.

Though I probably won't have this kid for several more weeks, the doc took me off work. Today, I discovered that I may have been a little vague about exactly what is going on since some of my coworkers were shocked. "But you aren't due yet... if you take off now you won't have much time once she's born."

Yeah, I'm well aware of that. It isn't like it's a freaking choice. Do you really think my doctor sat there and thought "Hmm... I wonder how I can make her day a little worse. I know, I'll take away her income and leave her at home, in bed, with little purpose in life. Yes, that sounds wonderful!"

Do you think I got the news and was excited? Knowing that I'm staying at home instead of contributing to our bank account, trying to do as much as I can but also knowing that the whole point of taking me off work is so that I can rest?

If you had any clue what it was like to have your doctor look you in the eye and say "Yes, this could kill you and your baby." you wouldn't envy my time off work.

For the most part I'm staying as positive as possible (so please don't reassure me that everything is going to be fine. I must say that 100 times a day. I know it's going to be fine. And I know that there isn't anything I can do about it if it isn't fine. Thank you.) but sometimes it really bothers me.

Even if we both make it through the birthing process, there's still that whole HPV "Dear lord, you may have cervical cancer... don't go into preterm just because you got bad news" thing.

Some days it feels like the cards are stacked against me.

Then I look around the corner and see parts of Alyssa's room. My heart totally melts when I imagine her laying in the crib, wearing some of the cute outfits, even when I envision her waking up crying because she had a nightmare...

I know that she isn't killing me on purpose. Poor little baby has no idea what her momma's going through just to make sure that she is safe and well. I really hope that she never has to know. But one day, she may grow up and decide that she wants to have kids. I will need to make sure she understands what can happen.

Apparently, some of these problems run in my family.

I was totally unaware.

No one wanted to worry me.

I know you were trying to protect me, but damn. A little heads up would have been nice.

and on the 30th day... there was me

2009-05-31T16:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I celebrated another birthday. No, I will not tell you how old I am. Not because I have some strange fear of getting older, but because the more information I give you, the less anonymous this bog is.

Since this is the day after my birthday, I can officially say that my brother and I are the same age. We will continue to be the same age for another month and a half. Yes, that's right, my brother and I were born 10 and a half months apart. Please refrain from commenting about how my mom really likes sex.

Ew.

Amazingly, I had the option of giving birth on my birthday. How appropriate would that have been?! I decided against it because A) It's my birthday... I don't want to be in labor. B) Then she would never have a special day all to herself.

As it turns out, along with still smoking (yeah, I know, shutthefuckupkthxbai) I have further endangered my baby by having gestational diabetes and preeclampsia. This means that my body isn't producing the right amount of insulin, and my kidneys, liver, and other organs are being damaged.

I was given the option to be induced right away, but we discussed the risks and benefits-- together, my doctor and I decided that we would wait a little bit longer. She said that if the damage looks like it is going to be irreparable, they will induce immediately without hesitation. We want to see if she can at least make it to 37 weeks (which, depending on which date you go with, she already is...)

The absolute last date I will be allowed to carry her will be July 5th. As much as I want a 4th of July baby, I'm not sure that she will be able to hold on that long.

When making this decision, my doctor did not make me fully aware of the dangers associated with my situation. As it turns out, preeclampsia runs in my family and is one of the leading causes of death during pregnancy. For the mother and the baby.

Now, many women with preeclampsia deliver normally and have no trouble at all. The thing is... this apparently runs in my family (which my mom neglected to tell me until yesterday. Happy birthday to me!)

I totally understand her choice and understand why she didn't want to bring it up, but it woud have been nice to let the doctor know right away rather than waiting until my appointment on Friday.

As it turns out, several women in my family have died during childbirth due to preeclampisa. Many of the babies have not survived, even if the mother did. My cousin almost bled to death when she delivered her first child due to complications assosiated with preeclampsia.

One story involves a lady going to her doctor for a high-risk pregnancy checkup in the morning and then, only a few hours later, finding out that her baby had passed without her even knowing.

How is that not supposed to freak me out?

Right now I am counting on all of my hopes and prayers to make sure that this little girl is born safe and healthy and that we both have a wonderful experience. Really, that's the only thing I want for my birthday. I don't mind waiting as long as I can get what I truly want.

I am crazy and pregnant. Do NOT screw with me.

2009-05-28T18:31:00.001-07:00

The least you need to know: I pulled a knife on a woman that took a swing at me in the parking lot.

The rest of the story: There I was, driving to work like normal. I was in the far left lane and was moving over to the middle lane, that way I had plenty of time to get into the far right lane and get off at the appropriate exit. There was at least 800 feet between where my vehicle was and the nearest car in the middle lane, so I put on my turn signal and waited 5 seconds before moving over (giving them ample time to know that I was indeed changing lanes)

The bitch sped up.

Not just a little, but enough to almost rear-end me.

Then she honked at me, flipped me off, and made lots of rude gestures.

I was a little pissed since I was following the correct lane changing procedure and she was just being insane, but I let it go.

A little while later, once I moved over to the far right lane, I realized she was following me. Actually, not just following me-- chasing me.

Once I got off at my exit, I pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store so that she wouldn't follow me to work. (That's the last thing I need at work right now... seriously. There was a very important tour and yelling at someone in the parking lot is grounds for termination.)

When we were parked next to each other, we both rolled down our windows and were yelling. She was screaming about what a horrible driver I am and I was screaming just as loud about traffic laws. She called me some very horrible things and then jumped out of her car, screaming "I'm going to kick your ass, you fucking cunt."

So, I hopped out of my car with my knife in my hand.

We were still yelling and then she ran up to me and started swinging.

I flicked open my knife and very nearly stabbed her.

Once she saw my incredibly pregnant stomach and the knife that was coming toward her face, she jumped back and put her hands up "Whoa, let's talk about this! You're right, I did speed up. I didn't want you to get in front of me because I was in a hurry." Then she started apologizing and got back in her car.

I was still yelling and trying to go after her.

She pulled away just as a cop pulled up.

Fortunately, he saw her swing at me and understood that I pulled the knife out to protect myself. He asked me to put the knife down and calmly explained that if I didn't calm down he would have to cuff me and take me in since I would be considered a danger to myself or others.

Then he spent the next 10 minutes trying to talk me into pressing charges. He sent an officer after the other lady, just in case. I let him know that since she didn't actually hit me, it wasn't a problem and that I was just very upset because she had chased me through traffic and then tried to hit me.

After a little while, once I was calm, he let me go and said that they were probably going to arrest her anyway.

Then I got to work. Apparently, I looked like a crazy lady that had just been in a fight, so I had to tell my co-workers what happened.

The tale started with "I almost went to jail this morning."

It's an awesome story.

Screw that, I'm still celebrating

2009-05-05T16:21:00.001-07:00

Mother's day is on Sunday, and though I'm not technically a mother yet... I feel like I should be included. My Husband is less than thrilled because he hates giving gifts. He, for some reason, thinks that he is not a very good gift giver and will occasionally throw himself into hysterics trying to pick something out.

For this reason, I had to purchase his mom's Mother's Day gift. And have it shipped. And I had to get my Mom's. Am I going to have to get my own?

For my mom, we all went in and bought her gift. By all of us, I mean my brother, dad, and I. Meaning, I picked it out and had them approve it, then they paid me back. Mom has always put our needs above her own. I can distinctly remember the day I discovered she had been wearing the same underwear for, like, 6 years because she was too busy with work, making sure we had clothes to wear, cleaning the house, making dinner and doing all of those wonderful mom things, to go to the store and new bras and panties. She argued that they went under her clothing so it didn't matter what they looked like.

I don't remember very many times when I was younger that we would go on a shopping trip just for her. She was so busy making sure we had everything that we needed, she really forgot about herself. Looking back, I wish I had realized what she was sacrificing and helped her out more. I could have made things so much easier on her but I was selfish and too self centered to realize that she was giving up so much.

When My Husband was in basic training, mom and I went shopping one day and we were looking through handbags at a discount store. There was a really cute bag that mom liked so she asked me how much it was. I told her that the tag said $170. She immediately turned away and said "Oh no, I wouldn't pay that much if it were Dooney & Bourke!" I let her know that it was a Dooney & Bourke bag and she looked at it again. "Well, that's not bad... but it's still too expensive. I'll look over here instead." and went to the clearance section.

At that time, I wasn't familiar with the designer and didn't really think much of it. When we got in the car, I asked her about the brand and she told me about the big logo trend in the late 70's and how Dooney & Bourke's quality and reputation justified the price, though she would never pay that much for a purse.

Well, a few months ago, we started carrying the Dooney & Bourke brand at my job. I remembered that conversation with my mom and decided that I HAD to get her a bag. The only thing is, she would have killed me. She does not like for me to buy her anything because she thinks I need to save my money for when the baby comes. (Yeah, but, presents!)

Mother's day was the perfect excuse, so we all pitched in and got her a moderately priced D&B handbag. Since it arrived on Monday, I told her that she had to go ahead and open it. The first words out of her mouth were "You guys can't afford that! I can't believe you woud spend so much money, it's too much. You shouldn't have done that."

Yes, we should have. We shoud have done it years ago.

More pregnancy fun

2009-04-20T14:22:00.001-07:00

Exhaustion has finally set in. I feel like I can't do anything because I'm so tired all the time. The apartment is a wreck, I haven't cooked in weeks, I curl up and nap at every chance... It's really getting annoying.

I've been looking into hiring a housekeeper to at least help keep the mess under control. Even for a few weeks just so it gets to a point where it is manageable.

Since we will probably be moving soon, we've begun packing up all of our extra crap. In order to store the crap, I have to clean out the storage closets. Ugh!

It's hot, it's dirty and I don't want to do it.

The sad thing is, this place isn't as much of a mess as when The Roommate lived here. I don't know if we subconsciously make more of an effort since it's just us or if it's just easier now. Either way, we've got to step up our game a little. I can't make My Husband do everything-- that isn't fair.

My Husband doesn't want to get rid of anything just yet because when we move, we get paid for the amount of weight that we have. The more crap, the more money. It's really a no brainer. We just need to make sure that we can fit it all in one truck so we don't have to make more than one trip or it will end up costing us more than it is worth.

On a side note, My Husband's family has decided that they are going to come out here a few weeks after my parents so that they can spend time with their grandbaby. Originally it was going to be his grandmas and his parents but the grandmas decided to come out later so that his parents could have more time with us.

It's no secret that his parents and I don't get along.

Since the grandmas aren't coming, they want to stay with us for the however many days they are going to be here.

Um... no?

I'm going to be half crazy, exhausted, and probably still incredibly protective of my baby. This is a recipe for disaster! I can just see things going pretty well until one of us beheads the other. Like The Highlander, there can be only one.

My Husband and I both have Alpha personalities. We tend to take charge even when we don't really want to. Because we have an awesome relationship, we compromise in equal portions and everything works out fine. His mom is also an Alpha. She does not give up, no matter who she is up against.

We have fought more than I care to admit.

I do not want to have a hostile environment because I want us all to be able to look at each other without thinking of the many ways we could their life.

On the other hand, when my parents come out here, I want them to stay with us. They do not have a lot of money and it is going to cost them a lot to come out here. My dad is on disability from workman's comp right now and my mom is going to have to take paid time off since she has used all of her vacation time taking care of my Mammaw, who has been in the hospital for about a month.

My Momma doesn't want to impose and has a backup plan to rent out one of her friends timeshare's if we decide that having them here is too much.

We both love my parents and we all get along just great. Momma doesn't mind letting me take control in my house and she is more than happy to help out wherever she feels like she can. I know that having them here will make things easier on us, not harder.

It is very hypocritical of me to say that my parents can stay but his can't.

Honestly, just the fact that our parents aren't going to be out here at the same time should give some indication as to the relationship we all share.

I should also point out that my family typically does not hold grudges. We get mad, we fight, we get over it. That's our circle. I don't know how many times me and Momma have locked horns but I can't imagine going more than a few days without talking to her.

I secretly think that he only reason his mom is even talking to me is because I'm the vessel for her grandchild (on more than one occasion she has slipped up and called it her child)

Maybe I'm just being cynical and overdramatic (I'm on Zoloft so I really don't think that I'm just being a debbie downer) and maybe everything will be just fine.

Who knows. Either way it'll be one hell of a blog entry.

This may break all my rules of anonymity...

2009-04-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

People truly can bitch about anything. Lately, there have been lots of people protesting outside My Husband's base. Are they protesting the war? No. Decisions made by the president? Nuh uh. Poor quality health care for the enlisted? Nope.

They're protesting the Predator. If you don't care to read the link, basically it's a small, unmanned, remote controlled, plane that assists in the war effort while the pilot remains here.

The protesters say that it dehumanizes war and leads to greater casualties.

Kay.... My Husband gets to come home every night.

They must have no idea how many soldier's lives have been saved thanks to the UAV program.

The different branches of the military all make fun of each other and everyone talks shit about the Air Force. They say that they are lazy and spoiled because they mostly don't have to do all of the grunt work that other branches get stuck with. It's totally not true, but whatever, we make fun of the Army and the Marines, so they can say whatever they want.

Every single military person I talk to always wants me to thank My Husband for the job that he's doing. They all personally know someone that wouldn't be here if it weren't for the UAV.

UAV's help us keep our troops out of places that would be incredibly dangerous on the ground. They don't eat, they don't sleep, so we always know that they are on target.

Yes, it does seem a little cowardly to use a small plane to kill people halfway around the world, but I would much rather someone call My Husband a coward than call him a hero on his tombstone.

Anyone that thinks we need to "down the drone to bring our troops home" needs to form a single file line at the recruiter's office and volunteer to fight the war up close and personal. Stop trying to kill My Husband when you are too chicken shit to take his place.

Snoogle, snoogle, snoogle...

2009-04-08T23:03:00.000-07:00

I have just entered my third trimester and I am increasingly exhausted. I thought it was bad in the first few months when I would fall asleep mid sentence; now I can fall asleep mid blink.

When I sleep, I don't really rest because I'm too busy getting up to pee, rolling over, throwing the blankets off, grabbing more blankets, rearranging the pillows, shoving another pillow between my knees, keeping the cat off my face, and snuggling up to something since My Husband is working nights right now.

Enter the Snoogle.

Though I was still exhausted throughout the day, I slept soooo much better with my Snoogle. Rolling over is awkward but can be done fairly easily once you get the hang of it.

Oddly enough, NOW I'm starting to get all of those fun pregnancy symptoms that I got to skip- the morning sickness, fatigue, food aversion... It's very strange.

Just a few more months and I'll have a beautiful eating, screaming, pooping machine. I cant wait!

The rhythm is going to get you...

2009-03-25T20:50:00.001-07:00

My mom has been doing a lot of scrapbooking for a while, and I really, really like the pages she has done. I've always had an interest in scrapbooking but more so from an oustider's perspective-- I didn't want to participate, just look at the pretty pages.

Maybe it's the pregnancy, maybe it's just my time... I have begun scrapbooking. And I like it

For your entertainment, here is my first page-

The page was propped up on my brand new magnetic, self healing cutting mat. For the most part I really like this mat, however, there is one spot where I fear I may have gouged too deep since it has not healed yet.

The other day I went to the craft store with My Husband to pick out the paper for the baby page. After we got everything together and went to the checkout line he made the mistake of looking at the grand total before I got the card swiped. I have never seen a grown man throw such a fit. After expressing his frustration he went out to the car, leaving me to explain to the cashier that he was mostly kidding.

I made a page just for him, without all the glitter and frills, so maybe he will enjoy it a bit more.

Besides, this one is all about him... how can he not like it? Look at that face!

Anyway, I have now had to reorganize the rest of my craft stuff to make room for my new hobby. I really, really think I could very easily become addicted to scrapbooking. It's very calming. I don't have to make everything perfect and I dont feel the pressure to measure off every picture for precise placement. I feel that I have a crafting purpose again!

So much for that tax return...

2009-03-20T18:40:00.001-07:00

Remember that 2nd root canal I was supposed to have? Remember how I was putting it off due to pain and money? Well, the tooth decided it didn't want to wait any longer and cracked in half, forcing me to go back to the dentist.

Due to my pregnancy, the dentist thought it would be best for me to see a specialist since they would be able to do the procedure much faster and would be able to handle things better if something went wrong.

I can only assume it would have taken the dentist two weeks to complete the root canal because when I went to the specialist... they only did half of it! They filled the hole with some temporary stuff and told me to come back in a few days to get it finished up. He said that if I stayed on my back too long it could completely cut off the baby's oxygen supply.

Ok, so I can't argue that my baby's safety is really important, but damn. It isn't like this is painless...

Anyway, that tops the list at expense #1.

The brakes have been making a funny sound on my car and I knew I was due for an oil change anyway, so I went in to have my 30k mile maintenance. Since I specifically requested the service I guess the guys though I knew how much it was going to be. After sitting in their waiting area for 3 hours, they tell me that my car is ready and go over all of the things they did. Everything was good until they told me the total-- $525.

I said things that made the mechanics blush.

Immediately I apologized and let them know that I had not expected it to be so expensive. They assured me that my language had not offended them and went over everything with me again. Not only are these guys really great, they're also incredibly nice. They did a lot of work at no cost and even fixed some things that I hadn't asked for. The brake problem? Completely fixed at absolutely no cost. It isn't even on the work report because they didn't want to have to charge for it.

After thanking them and paying I got in the car to drive home-- it feels brand new. They cleaned the interior, washed the outside, cleaned the engine, rotated the tires, fixed the brakes and replaced the air filter for free.

They really did do an awesome job, and it is totally worth the money... I just wasn't expecting it. Especially knowing that I've got to shell out $400 to finish up the root canal and get the crown.

We just got our federal return and were so excited that we could pay off the rest of our bills- tv, My Husband's military credit card, student loan, things like that. It looks like that's going to have to wait a bit longer. We only have until July to pay everything off so we had better be done with these little surprises.

Oh well, it's only money, right?

Hey,

2009-03-08T23:58:00.000-07:00

Wanna see a creepy picture of my fetus?

4D? What does that even mean?

2009-03-07T15:35:00.000-08:00

At my last doctor approved ultrasound, we found out that we were having...

wait for it....

a baby.

With all the technology and skill available at my hospital, they could not figure out what my baby was.

I was sad and disappointed because nearly everyone I know was so excited to find out what the baby is.

Since we were unsuccesful, I found a local clinicl called Miracle in Progress that offers 2D gender verification and 3 and 4D ultrasounds. We knew that we wanted to get a 3d ultrasound, but according to the FAQ's it's best to wait until the end of the second trimester. I didn't want to wait that long to find out what my baby is!

They offered a package that got you one session now and then one later (to get better pictures) along with gender verification and a newborn photo shoot.

Kay!

We showed up kind of expecting the setrile hospital setting we were accustomed to, only to be completely shocked. This place was awesome! You could have up to 10 people present and there were no hard plastic chairs-- they had couches! The whole thing was projected on a giant screen so that everyone could see without getting in the way.

The bed was huge and comfy, completely unlike the bed I'm used to at my docs office. I honestly thought I was going to go to sleep.

As it turns out, 4D simply means a recording of a 3D ultrasound. We have a DVD of our fetus wiggling around while we tried to get good pictures. They said that we could provide our own music or use what they have. We didn't have time to get a playlist together since it was a same day appointment, but they had lullaby covers of really awesome songs!

Stay tuned, I will post some of the pictures as soon as I get a chance. Yes, my baby does look like an alien-- shut up.

The best part? We found out! It's going to be a girl!

This time it only took a moment to get her to cooperate. There were 3 very clear lines exactly where they should have been.

We are crazy excited! I can't wait for the next ultrasound so that we can get even better pictures of her face.

Plus, now I get to walk around going "Hey, you wanna see a creepy picture of my fetus?"

What time is the right time...?

2009-02-21T15:35:00.000-08:00

Nothing will make a pregnant woman more worried and paranoid than talking to other pregnant women.

Unfortunately, I often resist going to the doctor for some reason or another. Usually I understand that I am just being paranoid, but mostly I just don't want to admit that something might be wrong.

I ended up freaking out at work yesterday, so I called my doc. She told me to come in and they would check for the heartbeat to make sure everything was alright. Well, to leave work and not be penalized, I needed a note from the doctor so that it will go against my FMLA. The doctor does not write notes. It's just their policy. She said that I could get a note from the emergency room, but unfortunately, FMLA requires a note from my OB, not the emergency room or any other doctor... just her.

So I was freaking out and someone went to talk to a Supervisor about it. She came over and explained that I could leave, but I would have to take points. With our attendance policy, you get X amount of points for however many hours of work you miss. When you get too many points, you are terminated. I'm not dangerously close to termination, but close enough that I will not leave work unless I've got severe bleeding or I lose a limb.

After talking to me for a bit, she realzied that I was not leaving-- the plan was to just stay at work and freak out until my shift ended, then go to the ER.

She finally went to talk to scheduling and they approved the rest of the day off for me. I rushed to the doc.

Everything was fine, but I got scolded for not coming in sooner. Then they gave me a list of reasons to come in right away... sure enough "decreased fetal movement" is on there in big, bold letters.

However, now I seem like this crazy lady that doesn't care about her fetus. I know that my baby should be more important than my job, but... my job pays the bills... and buys things I want... and feeds me so that the baby can grow.

Maybe it's because, deep down, I knew that everything was fine. Maybe I'm just crazy. Either way, it would have killed me to know that my delay had caused a problem, but I would have been equally upset to put my job in jeopardy when everything was alright.

How do you know when it's okay to freak out?

Pant Intervention

2009-02-11T15:53:00.000-08:00

For the last few weeks, My Husband has been hounding me to get some maternity pants. I'm not real big yet, so I really didn't think it was time to give up and shell out the cash for them. After having to unbutton my pants when I sat down, and always having my zipper undone, (Not to metion the snide remarks about turning our 1 fetus into 2... I call the top half!) I finally gave in and went to Motherhood with Our Roommate.

Holy cow, why didn't someone tell me they were so comfy?

I bought two pairs, and right now I'm thinking that I got them too big. They keep sliding down and I have to tug them up all the time. One of my coworkers, who just had a baby, says that I will grow into them. I'm really not sure since the legs are also too big. I hope she's right because it seems awkard right now.

The upside is that I can now breathe and Flipper is no longer in grave danger of becoming quadruplets, so I guess I can deal with a few weeks of sagging pants. At least the big elastic part keeps you from seeing my undies, however cute they may be.

I'm really considering hanging on to these after I give birth... they're so roomy. No odd bunching or zipper marks, it's almost like someone really thought this idea through.

Clean, clean, clean

2009-02-06T15:37:00.000-08:00

I guess I've started nesting or I got a touch of spring fever because last weekend all I wanted to do was clean. I went through drawers and cabinets clearing things out and throwing things away, which is quite unlike me. I am a terrible packrat and I'm always afraid to get rid of anything. I just know as soon as I toss out that old left boot, I'll find the right one somewhere I would have never thought to look.

Yes, I really need those 8 broken dvd players, they could save my life! "Honey, where's the screwdriver?" "See that pile of laundry? Turn left, go 5 steps and open the top right drawer. It's in the very back underneath the three sets of earbuds that don't work."

I had to clean out our dining room because the pile was overtaking the living room. Right now, since we don't have a dining table, we mostly use that for storage and for our extra computer. One of our computers is on the "technology ledge" right between the guest bathroom and Our Roommate's room. We don't use this one but I can't think of anywhere else for it to go. The other is a semi-functional laptop in our living room. The screen went out last year, so we just bought a monitor to hook it up to. This totally defeats the purpose of having a laptop. The "good" computer is hidden behind a wall of stuff in our dining room. It has it's own little desk that is slowly becoming covered with all of the decor that won't fit anywhere else.

Right next to the good computer, we have a wonderful, well-stocked bar. It has a nice hutch with glass doors and a large storage area on the bottom. In the name of extra storage, I cleaned out the bottom of the bar. This is where I am currently storing baby stuff, as well as things that just don't fit anywhere else.

It was a sight to see, I assure you. The space I had to sit in was far more narrow than my hips, so I had to sit sideways. Everytime I needed something, I had to call for someone to bring it to me-- I was stuck. The only option was to clean my way out.

While I was in there, I found a bag of autumn decorations that I forgot to use. Someday they will make their way to my Halloween box, but for now they are quietly guarding our computer, tucked between the extra coffee table and a tote full of game boxes-- exactly where it belongs.

I'm so excited...

2009-02-03T06:54:00.001-08:00

For once, I am finally following my Mother's advise the first time around. The last time I was at the grocery store, I bought a pack of diapers. The plan is to buy a few packs of each size to try and relieve some of the financial burden once the baby is here.

The problem? Where the hell am I going to put all of this baby stuff!

We don't have room for a crib, so I'm pretty sure the baby will be sleeping in a dresser drawer until we are able to figure something out. We're stuck in our lease until November unless My Husband gets orders to move. We could use our "freebie" and the military would pay for us to move on base, but we would have to pay a fee to break our lease.

I have some concerns about becoming a mother and seeing the diapers just keeps bringing them to the forefront of my thoughts. I'm worried about the parts that aren't going to be much fun like diaper changing, temper tantrums, potty training... mostly any situation that could potentially involve poop.

I'm also worried about how we will connect. What are we going to talk about? Occasionally, I will talk to our neighbors kids. When I can figure out what they are saying, I usually just stare at them and think about how stupid they sound. Am I going to judge my own child as harshly? Does this make me a bad person and a bad mom?

I'm not always in the mood to be around people, but this thing is going to be completely attached to me for the first year of it's life. After that am I going to push it away and hope that it finds a friendly pack of coyotes to pick up where I left off?

Childhood is weird and awkward enough, but this poor kid is going to have to live up to my expectations, and frankly, I don't know if they're going to succeed. I am judgmental, harsh, callous and sometimes cruel. I do not mean to be, but sometimes it's really hard to stop myself. I try not to hurt people on purpose, but I know I do it by accident all the time.

Is my child going to resent me? Probably.

With any luck, it will be able to look past my faults and understand that I'm not perfect. During it's teen years, it will hate me and I'll wish we'd used a condom, but I hope that once it is my age, it will at least know that I tried my best.

And if things go awry, at least the coyotes will keep it warm.

Any chance I can get that 5 grand back?

2009-01-18T16:25:00.000-08:00

Last night, I got very upset at My Husband and inadvertently dislocated his thumb. We are fine, we have talked about it, we have moved on.

However, I have noticed that I when I get embarrassed, scared, or really sad I become more likely to lash out. Last night, I became crazy embarrassed about nothing at all. My Husband ignored my plea to try and talk some sense into me, and I took that to mean "You're emotions don't matter, you're stupid."

I'm only moderately rational at my best... now is not the time to try and talk some sense into me.

When I was 14, my mom had me go to a doctor who told me that I was bipolar. They started me on medication and therapy, which was really popular at the time.

With my pregnancy hormones helping me go all nutty I have since learned that, maybe I'm not bipolar... maybe I was just really freaking hormonal. I feel exactly the same way I did the day my mom took me to the doctor.

I was a teenager and pissed off about something or another... I don't remember how it got started, by I told my dad that I wanted to kill myself (probably because I felt neglected or something) and he started laughing. That made me even m ore mad, so I grabbed a knife and jabbed it into my wrist.

Even then I understood that I didn't really want to die. I don't know what possessed me to try and prove him wrong, but that sent a clear message...

I wrapped my wrist up and went to school. A few hours later my mom came to get me. She took me to a doc that told me I was depressed about my weight. Note, at this point in time my bmi was low for my age and I could bench press 200lbs. I was not sad about my weight, but that horrible doctor made me feel like I was fat and then I became bulimic... that's another story.

Because of the fact that I didn't sleep a lot, often felt sad, and sometimes had crazy bursts of energy I was put on medication. I tried it for a few months and then stopped taking it. I never helped, but I tried to pretend it did.

Over the next few years I was on and off medication and in and out of counseling. It never really helped.

Looking back, they really took advantage of a mother that didn't know what to do, and a kid that didn't understand their body. I wish so bad that I could go back in time and have my mom take me to a different doctor that could have explained that it was just my hormones and maybe offered something different.

Now that I know what is causing these thoughts, not impulses-- just thoughts, I really think that I can try to keep them under better control.

Man... what a waste of money...

the economy sucks, and you can too!

2009-01-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

Our Roommate lost his job yesterday. For him, this means money stress, lots of planning and some hard decisions on the way. For us, this means money stress and the possibility of losing our roommate.

I feel so guilty because, basically, if he doesn't have a job by the time he was taking his scheduled Birthday trip home, that trip will become permanent. I feel bad that we can't carry him a little further, but we exhausted our resources the first time around.

I feel like we failed him. Like we weren't able to do enough to help-- we weren't as understanding as we needed to be.

This also means that I will have to work after the baby comes. We had hoped that I would get to stay home since daycare is scary and expensive (a 1 year old just drowned at daycare out here... yikes!) and I just didn't want to use that as an option. Now, I don't see another way.

Even if Our Roommate is able to find another job and contribute financially on a regular basis, I will have to keep working because you never know when he will come home and say that he doesn't have a job, or that he's tired of living with us and will be going elsewhere.

I really had pictured that we would all be together for the next few years. We even decided on what the baby would call him. "Skippy". (Thanks, Hey You!)

I don''t want him to leave. I want our family to work and grow together. I hope he can stay... but if he cant, we have to let him go. We may not be the best family, but we're all we've got out here.

anyways...

2009-01-13T14:43:00.001-08:00

After that last editorial, I thought I would add something a little lighter.

I see myself as a typical American and, thus, probably have one of the worst diets known to man. Most of my food is prepackaged and can be prepared in as little as 5 minutes.

My mom wants me to get a baby food grinder.

Hey mom, have you met me? Your daughter? I can cook, I just don't. None of us eat at the same time, I hate to waste food, and I don't like to do dishes. Why on earth do you think I can make my own baby food?

I know, I know, it's so much less expensive to actually make your food. What if no one eats it? I made an awesome Thanksgiving dinner and we threw away half of a turkey. It was a damn good turkey too! And it was FREE! You remember, that turkey we fought for? Yeah... we had to throw it out.

While we were spending more money on food, we let something completely rot in our fridge. Almost any time we have leftovers, they don't get eaten. I have tried giving our leftovers to our neighbors, but as her husband (yeah, the asshole) said "Even we aren't that desperate."

Really, ass? Remember when you asked me for our questionable lunchmeat? Weren't too proud then, were ya.

Anyway...

I can't even figure out what three grown people want to eat, how am I going to know if the baby is in the mood for pureed carrots? Ugh... I'll give it a shot, but if the baby starts sending it's orders back or asks for substitutions, it's over.

What is wrong with us?

2009-01-13T14:09:00.000-08:00

When I was young, everyone had high expectations for me-- not just my family, but my teachers, friends and peers. I was supposed to do something earth shattering to help improve my life and the lives of those around me; Not just the people I love, but also the people I don't really care for.

I was well on the road to becoming something amazing. In many ways, i'm glad that I didn't. My health and safety were in jeopardy. I was risking my own humiliation, as well as legal repercussions, just to be heard by the people who really could make a difference. Fortunately, for me, my life took a very different turn. I am alive and well, but now I feel like I'm a waste of oxygen because I am not doing anything-- I used to create and inspire, now I just get through the days and try not to cause a fuss.

6 years later, I am still mad as hell but I choose to deal with it rather than rock the boat. Now, it isn't just me who could fail... it could put My Husband in an awkward position.

A line from an old tv show sticks in my head. "You can't fight City Hall. You can't fight Corporate America."

When did we let things get so out of hand? Why did we give up our country? The government owns us and we are too afraid to lash out and get the benefits we deserve because they will tap our phones and throw us in jail on some fictional charge that they dreamed up while sitting in the living room of one of their many Barbie dream homes.

Meanwhile, My Husband, Myself, our fetus, and Our Roommate share a 2 bedroom 1,ooo square foot apartment that we pay entirely too much to live in. When my husband is working overnight, he can't sleep due to the noise of our upstairs tormenters or some crazed leaf blower trying to rid the world of silence.

We live on the second floor, and we can hear just about everything that goes on in our building. Luxury apartments? Really? I didn't know that we were living in Luxury Apartment Homes until one of my coworkers told me. "Oh, you live in the luxury complex! It must be really nice". "What complex are you talking about? These aren't luxury apartments... "

At that point, I realized why we were paying so much. We just really liked the location and they gave us a pretty good deal when we moved in. Since that time, the complex is under new management. I would love to really tell them what I think, but if they evict us... what will we do?

I guess the rest of America has that same mentality. "We can't fight... what if they do something?" That's why we don't fight for health care or better pay. That's why no one protested the bank bailout. Speaking of protests... where are they? Why aren't we sreaming at the top of our lungs? Half of Americans are unemployed right now, what's the worst that can happen? You go to jail where the feed you and provide shelter 24 hours a day?

We can have better lives, with less stress, we just have to stop trying to win whatever game we think we're in-- no one else is playing. It's just us.

I wanted to be something amazing... but I can't help anyone. Maybe the next generation will realize that we've been too quiet for too long. Hopefully, they won't fall into the social coma that we can't wake from.

Or maybe I just need some of those delicious little pills that make it all okay.

another reason pregnancy may not be for me

2009-01-09T12:41:00.000-08:00

I hate doctors. This is no secret, as I rarely visit them unless I have a huge problem.

Yesterday, I was at work and started having sharp, stabbing lower abdominal pain. I asked a few pregnant women and a mom if that was normal. OMG... the only thing worse than a paranoid pregnant woman is OTHER pregnant women or women who have been pregnant. By the end of my shift, I was convinced that it was something horrible that would ultimately result in miscarriage.

I went to the Emergency Room.

My Husband called into work, which was fine because they were all told to stay home due to weather issues anyway, so that he could take me to the Emergency Room at 10pm. I was cranky and in pain and it was taking a long time. Once we got back there, they started checking me out to see what was going on. Then the doc comes in. We clashed immediately.

After lecturing me and damn near calling me a liar, he decided that it was round ligament pain and that I would live.

Note: I also had a fever. I'm usually around 96.4 and I was at 99. I had a fever. They ignored this.

I was really glad that everything was fine. Kind of pissed that the doc was talking down to me and just generally being an ass, but I was alright.

On the way to the car, My Husband goes "You know he's right, you need to quit smoking."

I was tired, hormonal, in pain, and just generally pissed off about the doc... This sent me into a horrible spiral of depression where I cried for the next 4 hours and wanted nothing more to do something incredibly stupid.

My husband could not figure out what was wrong and I started screaming about how it sucked to be reminded, hourly, that you are a failure as a human and will be a terrible mother to your horribly disfigured, uneducated, mentally inept, asthmatic child.

You are welcome to be an asshole when I'm normal, but when I'm pregnant, don't criticize or judge me. I almost drank a bottle of Woolite to save my baby from the horrors of being born with me as a mother, so now is really not the time to shame me into being a better person.

After My Husband finally started talking to me again, I told him how I was feeling. He a concerned, of course, because I could have done something terrible. I know that I wouldn't have, but the fact that the thought even entered my mind was enough to make him worry.

I really want to talk to my doc about it, but I'm afraid that she will force me to take anti-depressants. I'm not much of a medicine taker, and I'm afraid that anti-depressants would screw up my baby.. you know, more than it already is.

Anyway, my work is really pushing me to get my FMLA paperwork turned in so they won't have to fire me for freaking out and leaving work to make sure my fetus is still in there.

Well, my real doctor's office, not the E.R. jackass, says that they don't want to do the paperwork until later. I made it very clear that if I have to call in for any reason, or miss a few hours because I threw up on myself and had to go change clothes, I will lose my fucking job.

What kind of bullshit is this? Up until November, I had three months of perfect attendance. Three months. Since then, I have missed the equivalent of 6 days of work for various things.

My job gave me time off today to rest up and get the FMLA shit taken care of... now I have to go in tomorrow and say "Sorry, they won't fill the paperwork out.".

Now, according to FMLA, you can take your 12 weeks at any time during your pregnancy. Why does my doctor not agree? I'm in jeopardy of losing my freaking job, and the clinic just says "We don't do that until later. It's too early for the paperwork.".

I know that things aren't a big deal to them because it isn't their body or their life that they are screwing with, but I don't want to get fired for attendence problems because I got pregnant. I honestly thought that you were covered under FMLA whether there was paperwork or not and that you only needed the paperwork for maternity leave. Apparently my job feels very differently.

Self control? What's that?

2009-01-06T12:33:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been too ill to take my prenatal vitamins. Yes, I know what a terrible person I am, and I realize that my baby is now going to be born with a tail, but I couldn't help it.

When I don't take my vitamin, my cravings are so much more healthy! Last night, I was craving grapes (hardcore) and assorted other fruits, along with juice and milk.

I also ate an entire can of bean dip.

It was an act of war. Nothing was left, not even in the crevices. Now, I know what you're thinking. I did not eat said can of bean dip in one sitting, that would have been insane. I spread it out over several hours. Part of me was stress eating, part of me is 3 months pregnant... do not judge me!

Today, I was able to take my vitamin. What have I eaten, you ask? ( and if you didn't, I asked for you...)

So far, I have had a ham and cheddar hot pocket and half a box of Tomato & Basil Wheat Thins. They taste like the old Keebler pizza crackers, so I love them. A little too much.

The only real downside is that I'm now getting horrible gas from the combination of foods that I've been devouring at an alarming rate. Last night, we were at the grocery store... I was going to say something to My Husband... I opened my mouth, and instead of words, out came this colossal burp. At the end of the aisle, a couple looked at me in horror. My face turned bright red and I apologized while My Husband stood there laughing. Then I realized, I could have blamed it on him and no one would have ever known.

Anyway, my point was that taking vitamins, while giving your body many of the things it needs most, also kind of encourages poor eating habits. Basically, you can take a vitamin and eat some cardboard, and your body has no idea. Since you're actually getting the vitamins you need, you won't crave the foods that can provide them. It's a vicious circle and I'm starting to think that it's a government conspiracy-- just another way that The Man keeps us down.

Wait, aren't I The Man? How does that work? I'm confused... Oh look! Wheat Thins!

Really? You couldn't wait?

2009-01-05T13:24:00.001-08:00

A little while ago, my doctor's office called to give me the results of my pap smear. It came back abnormal because, apparently, I have HPV.

For those of you who have been completely oblivious to the women's health commercials, that means that I have an untreatable STI that, at best case, means that my cells are abnormal-- worst case? I have cervical cancer.

That's right, cancer. Not lung cancer from the years of smoking, but hooha cancer.

The best part? I can transmit this to my baby if it is born vaginally. Most of the time, nothing happens. But in a few cases, the baby is born with respiratory papillomatosis, which means that it could have lesions on it's vocal cords causing respiratory issues. Until we know which type of HPV I have, we won't know exactly what to expect. The biggest downside is that they can't get any further information until after the baby is born.

I will have to have a pap smear every 6 months, and they are going to a few tests to see if I have the cancerous version. In August or September. That means that... until then... I get to worry about the safety of my baby and my cervix. Fun!

Most women do not have any symptoms and HPV can only be found when doing a pap smear and checking for cervical cancer. I seriously urge everyone to get checked, even if you have already done so. I have been tested repeatedly over the last few years and this is the first time HPV has shown up. The doctor said that it can lay dormant and then just pop up out of nowhere

They think that it was triggered by my pregnancy, which is good because now I know to get more tests.

Now I get to go to my dentist and have a crown put on. What else is going to suprise me before the baby is born?

whoopsie

2009-01-05T12:19:00.001-08:00

Apparently several of my posts have somehow not made it to the blog. I'm not really sure what happened, but I hope that it's been fixed.

Pregnancy is supposed to be a beautiful and miraculous thing-- a time for joy and appreciation of the amazing journey that lies ahead.

Well, sometimes it's not near as magical as it should be. I am super excited to be a mom, but right now everything is pissing me off. Currently I am sick of the following:

My Job
Noisy People
Our Upstairs and Downstairs Neighbors
Our Roommate Not Paying Rent on Time
My Lack of Higher Education
Living in an Apartment
My Root Canal
The Second Root Canal That Needs to be Done
The Apartment Being a Mess
Our Cat
Our Apartment Complex
Appointments
Smoking (side note: The doc has advised that I do not quit just yet, so don't judge me. I don't want 20 emails about how smoking is bad for my fetus)
Nothing Good on T.V.
Bills
Money in General
Traffic
Helpless People
Other People's Children

I know it doesn't seem like it, but that's actually a pretty short list considering that I'm angry 80% of my day.

I love the company I work for, but I seriously hate my job. Well, I like parts of my job, but any time I have to answer the phones and deal with people who seem completely helpless, it just pisses me off to the point that I can't even want to help them.

Right now, I do not plan to go back to work once the baby is born. I know that we will have to make a lot of lifestyle changes if this is going to happen, and I'm not sure how well we will be able to cope with it.

My biggest concern is getting the rest of our bills paid off before July. I have no idea how this is going to work. It has to... and I have to get a lot of money into our savings account, but I really don''t know where it' going to come from.

I hate to cut this short, but I just got a call from the clinic with some very scary news about my pap smear.

After I calm down and do a little research, I'll get back to you with the result.

For now, stare a my baby and my engorged uterus!

Root canal, baby!

2008-12-12T17:46:00.001-08:00

So, a while back I discovered that I had a cavity. Shortly thereafter, I discovered a second cavity! I'm not one of those people that go to the doctor very often, and I haven't been to a dentist in years. In fact, I was 9 the last time I saw a dentist and 19 or 20 when I last saw an orthodontist (not for a checkup.. just to get my braces off.)

After waiting as long as I felt that I could, I finally made a dental appointment. When I got there, they asked if I had a note from my baby doc saying that it was alright for them to treat me. I didn't because I didn't know that you had to have one.

After about an hour, we got approval for my doc and they did some xrays. Everyone in the dental office is pregnant, including my dentist, and so we all chatted about babies and pregnancy while they took a look to see what we needed to do.

My dentist came back in with a small model of a tooth with a cavity. She said that if it had been shallow, they could have just filled it. She then went on to explain that since I had been so stubborn and waited, that I would need to have root canals. Not just one, oh no, two.

Since I had requested the day off, they said that they could do one of them today. My baby doc only approved a few medications, so the type of novi cane they had to use was very weak and did not last long. She ended up having to give me 5 or 6 shots of it.

The root canal itself wasn't that bad, but about 30 minutes before they were done I had a very strong urge to pee. Since I wasn't expecting to be there long, I drank a lot of water beforehand. Most liquids willl stick with me for a little while, but water is not one of them. I sat there trying to be as still as possible, wiggling my toes and adjusting my legs to keep from peeing all over myself and the nice, clean, sanitary office.

Once they were finally done, I hopped up and ran to the bathroom. The nurses all laughed.

Then the showed me how much this thing is going to cost.

This visit was fairy inexpensive- only $170. The next one will be about half the cost of our brand new 40 inch 10180p Samsung LCD television.

By the time we are done with both, it will cost more than our TV. Even with the calibration, installation, and extended warranty.

Yeah.

So... right now, I'm all hopped up on baby approved medication and I think it's probably time to put the computer down before I start doing things that I won't remember.

I wish you all a wonderful evening, be glad that your christmas doesn't include root canals!

We got the turkey...

2008-11-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

Every Thanksgiving the Air Force gives the enlisted airmen a box of food so that they can have an awesome Thanksgiving dinner. Typically, this box is delivered to your home on Monday or Tuesday so you have time to get everything else you need.

This year, they had the people in My Husband's squadron pick up their boxes. My Husband got his today... with the last turkey.

Our neighbor left his turkey in the freezer at work, assuming that it would be there when he was ready to get it. We aren't exactly sure what happened, but somehow his turkey disappeared. Since My Husband got the last turkey, our neighbor feels that it belongs to him instead.

Now, we had planned to have both families celebrate together and have one big dinner. Through a series of horrible events, none of us can stand him at the moment so we won't be doing that.

He wants the turkey.

I say, it's our turkey, in our fridge... screw him.

Since we love his wife, we're going to allow her and the children to have some of our turkey, along with whatever delicious sides we come up with.

Personally, this year, I'm incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful, loving husband... and that I'm not married to that asshole.

For weeks, his wife O has been craving an ice cream cake from Baskin Robins; one with blue icing and sunflowers. He has been taunting and teasing her, pretending that he bought it and then crushing her. He has made it very obvious that he does not care how is actions affect those around him, and I am very glad that he will not be joining us this Thanksgiving as I do not want to censor my snide remarks. That's alright, apparently he "Doesn't want to deal with my hormones" anyway.

That comment stemmed from one night when I told him how much of a jerk he was, expalined that he was hurting his wife with his stupidity, and then told him not to yell in my house when he started talking back.

Yesterday, My Husband and I took O to Baskin Robins to get her cake. Blue, with sunflowers, with the jerks favorite ice cream. I looked over at the girl who was taking our order, and asked "Will you write anything we want on the cake?" She, of course, said yes. I said it again, "I mean, ANYTHING?". She said that they got weird requests all the time.

No one was in the store, so we pushed further. "You mean, you will write anything we want. Anything at all?"

The cake, with beautiful blue icing and sunflowers, read as follows:

"Bought my own, Fucker!"

Whoever decorated that cake did an amazing job. "Bought my own" was on the top of the cake in beautiful red letters. "Fucker!" took up the entire side of the cake.

Once O sends me me a copy of the picture, I'll be sure to add it. You really don't understand how pretty this cake was.

Anyway, back to Thanksgiving.

This will be our second Thanksgiving away from our families, so it's up to us to make all of the yummy things we want. I really don't know if I'll be able to recreate my Mammaw's dressing, but I hope I can do a half decent job.

While stuffing our faces full of (hopefully) delicious turkey, we will remember all the things we are thankful for- Friends. family, free food, and a paid day of freedom.

Oh... one more thing.

It's our turkey, spunkstain. Hope you like your bowl of corn.

This time I have a good reason...

2008-11-04T19:27:00.000-08:00

So, yet again, I took an abnormally long vacation from blogging... to go on a mini vacation!

We haven't seen very much of each other lately, so we stayed at a moderately amusing hotel about an hour and a half away. This hotel, Buffalo Bill's, is right across the street from our last In-State mini vacation. Appropriately named, the hotel has a Wild West/Frontier theme and our room was located in the Annie Oakley tower.

We decided that we had better take all of the mini vacations that we can, because in about 7 1/2 months, we won't be able to!

That's right, I've been infected and all of my time and energy will be devoted to raising a normal, functional member of society.

In the coming months you can expect updates about the many wonders of pregnancy, including all the yucky stuff you probably won't want to read. Since I got the news, I've been reading lots of books to try and get a really good idea about what is going to happen. So far my favorite is "The Unexpected When You're Expecting" which is a parody of the 'mom-to-be's best friend', "What to Expect...".

"The Unexpected..." was able to break some of the tension and finally get me to laugh at the whole thing. Then again, laughing when you are so gassy that you feel like you're going to float away may not be the best idea. Especially near an open flame...

Friends, family, and strangers have already started giving me advice. I have decided that the best thing I can do will be thanking them for their input and doing what I want anyway. I understand that many women have done this long before I ever thought of having a child, but I don't want someone trying to guilt me into naming my baby Sanfred just so they can feel better about their life.

If I want a cup of coffee, I don't need 18 women screaming at me to pour it out. If I have a few cigarettes, even after I've officially quit, I don't want to hear one complaint from anyone that has not had an up close and personal view of my cervix. They may have gone through pregnancy, but they have no idea what I'm going through.

Yesterday, my hormones were going haywire and I cried for several hours. Everyone kept asking me if I was ok, and I mostly was. There are some tough things that I need to tell a lot of people, some happy things, panic at a stupid thing I did, realizing that my embryo has probably been drunk at least once since the conception date may not have been accurate, and trying to quit smoking have all taken a toll on my emotions.

My Husband has been wonderful and has graciously agreed to pick up my slack. Keeping the place clean is going to be very important since we are adding another person to our household. (If only this new person came with an extra room...)

Our Roommate is still working out what he wants to be called. I've come up with a fun list of things that wont involve my baby calling him Uncle, since he is not comfortable with that.

Woobie
Scooby
Boppy
Name-Name (His name, not the word name...)
Boba (or Bobo)
Yabbo

Ok, so the list isn't that great... but it's really hard to figure out what your baby is going to call this dude that lives with you, but isn't related-- completely family, but no blood ties.

Oh well, we've got a few more months to figure it all out.

Oh dear...

2008-10-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

Wow, it has been quite some time since I was actually able to update. For the longest time, our router was "not working" because My Husband forgot how to use a computer... for all intents and purposes, we shall assume that he was abducted by aliens.

He offered to have K, one of our neighbors, come take a look at it. "NO!!! He is NOT going anywhere NEAR our computer... even if it is broken!".

After that, it was totally up to me to save the world. I had no clue what My Husband had done, or how to undo it, but under the watchful eyes of Our Roommate and O, I managed to get it fixed.

We found a (nearly) foolproof way to ensure that we never loose our network password again... just don't look at the bottom of our router.

After fixing our life force, I started working on a baby blanket for a woman that I work with. Her son's girlfriend had a baby, and she wanted to get something nice for them. I hope my blanket will suffice.

A week later I got frustrated with the blanket (it will never end...) and turned my attention to our neighbors, K and O. O was talking about how she wanted to redo their living room and took me over to get my opinion.

I walked into her living room and immediately asked why there was a mattress in the floor. She said that K had been sleeping on it, and that she wanted to put it in her son's room. She was afraid that they would jump on the mattress and wanted to wait until she had a bed frame.

We went to Home Depot.

There is nothing more dangerous than two girls and two kids at Home Depot. Especially when we realize that we are going to have to get large pieces of wood home somehow.

After a little bit of work from all of us, we got the bed frame built. Then we had to get it into the boys room... It was after midnight, and no one thought to measure the door ways to make sure that the bed frame would fit.

It did... barely. Once we got the bed frame where it belonged, we put the mattress on top of it.

At that point, I realized that I based my measurements on how high the bed should be, including the mattress... What we wound up with was a bed that was 2ft high, plus mattress.

This bed would be wonderful as a princess bed, or a fort... or even a small set of bunk beds... but I am not sure that the neighbors are happy.

Oh well, maybe I can make it up to them soon.

Frustration rhymes with...

2008-10-11T17:21:00.001-07:00

So, our router is dead (which is why the promised update has not happened) and I'm going to try and fix it sometime tomorrow.

Lately, it seems that I keep encouraging time sucking projects/games/things even though I don't have half as much free time as I'd like. My Husband bought a Wii after getting to try one out back home, and we've all had fun bowling, golfing, and playing tennis when we should be sleeping.

The Roommate, O, and I are trying to get some handmade goods available for purchase for the holidays. We already have a few custom orders (that are getting amazing prices... ) from my co-workers. I have to finish one project asap because it is for a newborn baby. It's going to be a really cute baby blue blanket (hopefully) trimmed with blue, white, or yellow (whichever looks best) binding.

Tomorrow I'm going to the Renaissance Fair with O... My Husband might be wearing a kilt soon!

Time to get back to work so that I can leave early. I hope everyone is doing well!

Oh, one more thing-- If you were going to buy a handmade good, what would you be likely to purchase?

Back to the grind

2008-10-04T01:07:00.000-07:00

We got back from our trip Monday night and The Roommate was waiting for us near baggage claim. He brought us home and we chatted for a little bit before he had to go to bed. Overall, the trip was awesome. We got my Mammaw (Mammaw is southern for Grandma...) to play Wii bowling, which was a lot of fun.

We got to make these really awesome candle sticks in my dad's shopped (he helped a little). Dad showed us how to draw out the metal, bend it the way we wanted, taper the ends, and weld things. I think I had more fun doing it than My Husband did, but we have a fantastic hand made souvenir.

Two separate candelsticks...

Join forces to become Amazing Candlestick of Awesome!

We used a brass finish to make it all fancy, which looks better in person than it does in the picture.

There will be a more thorough post later on, but it's late and I have to work tomorrow!

On a side note, I'm going to try making and selling scarves before Christmas to earn a little extra cash.... anybody need a scarf? I'll give you a great deal!

Tidbit

2008-09-21T15:26:00.000-07:00

I do not have, nor do I want, a cell phone. I'm not sure how many people have had to experience this, but when you tell someone that you don't have a cell phone, they look at you like you like your closest relative has died.

"I'm so sorry... I had no idea. You looked so happy."

"You don't have a cell phone? What, do you hate technology? Do you have a computer?"

"No cell? Where are you from?"

I used to be one of those people that had a cell phone pressed up against their ear non-stop. I never answered my cell phone during a movie or a play, but that's only because I actually wanted to watch the show.

While we were in Texas, and the first month of living here, we had cell phones. The reception in the area is awful and we had the worst provider possible as far as customer service goes. Against our better judgment, we signed a 2 year contract with Sprint on the condition that we could cancel our plan, at any time, with no cancellation fee since My Husband is in the military.

Sprint screwed us. Hard. We ended up fighting for months to get the cancellation fees waived, and finally settled on having them cut in half. They did not want to do it, but a previous rep had left a note (thankfully.... most of them promised the world but didn't leave any notes) saying that they could waive the cancellation fee on one line. $500 and a lot of emotional trauma later, I vowed that we would not have cell phones until we could find a good plan that worked for us.

We stopped looking about 7 months ago.

At one point, we got "emergency" pre paid Virgin mobile phones. I love Virgin Enterprises and have always had great luck with them. All we had to do was buy minutes and load them onto the phone. Easy peasy. I can only think of one time that I actually used that phone. I was shocked that I even had it with me, and was even more surprised that it had a charge.

We eventually forgot about the phones and never put any more minutes on them. The minutes expired, along with our phone numbers.

There are times when I really wish that I could call My Husband and see if he picked something up, or just remind him that I love him... but I wouldn't trade our newfound freedom for anything.

When you have a cell phone, people want to get ahold of you 24 hours a day. Even if you turn your phone off, there's a pile of text messages waiting for you when you turn it back on. What part of that sounds appealing?

People are always loudly wondering how we ever lived without cell phones. Quietly! We didn't have to raise our voices in a restaurant just to be heard over someone screaming about their infected toenails. Before everyone had a cell phone, I never heard someone talk about 'that time they got crabs' in line at the DMV. Sermons were not interrupted by these annoying personalized ringtones.

Sure, they have their perks. You can call AAA if you car dies on the freeway. You can call and get directions while en route. Show times are just a few buttons away. You can get updates on everything sent straight to your phone so you are always ahead of the curve.

To me, the convenience is not worth the hassle. Be happy that I'm not answering your call, because I might be in the bathroom or 'in the middle of something'. So, the next time you try to call me and I don't answer, leave me a message and I will get back to you eventually.

Hmm...

2008-09-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

It looks like I'm really going to keep doing this blog thing, so I need to find a direction.

I can do unstructured posts like I have been, or I could try and focus on one area. I figure I'll let you guys, all 3 of you, tell me what you want. Do you want updates on the skills, my opinions/reviews, or just a general life update. If you have any other great ideas I'm open to suggestion, so just let me know what you want to see.

Pretty soon I want to start a weekly "crafting corner" (with a better name of course) and do tutorials (Hey You, I haven't forgotten about the bow making... I just haven't resized the pics yet.)

Hopefully after the trip I'll do a blog overhaul, but it might take a bit longer.

YAY!

Vacation?

2008-09-20T01:37:00.000-07:00

Wednesday we will get on a plane and go home, together, for the first time since My Husband got out of Basic Training. I was able to go home a little over a year ago, but he has not been back for two years.

This trip is mostly to visit my dying Mammaw, but it turns out my Aunt is having surgery just before we arrive. She fought with breast cancer a few years ago (she even wrote a book. Find out more here.) and thought she was doing well, but it looks like it is back in full force. It has spread, and they are going to try and remove as much of it as possible... There is a small chance that she will not make it through the surgery.

This means that we will be adding some hospital visits to our agenda, leaving even less time to try and cater to My Husband's family.

During this time we will have to adjust to a different time zone and switch from being night people to having a daytime schedule. Immediately upon return, My Husband starts working overnight. I will have one day to re-adjust to normal life before plunging back into my 11 hour workdays. We are going to have a lot of fun, and we are going to wish that we could stay forever... but this is going to be really hard on us.

Meanwhile, no news from the doctor yet. They are checking my hormone levels to see if they can figure out what's going on.

I've started knitting an afghan for the living room. It is going to be huge and just might function as our new home if we are not able to get our finances together in time. I mean, financially we are doing just fine, but we need to come up with a large (for us) amount of cash in a really short amount of time. This is the part that's killing us.

We have worked really hard to achieve a certain comfort zone and, as it turns out, we do not want to stick to a strict budget (even short term) that requires us giving up the things we have become accustomed to.

Now, I'm not talking about lobster dinners every night, or even spending a lot of money on entertainment... I just want to be able to buy some shoes or a handbag without worrying when payday is.

During our first year of marriage, I became an expert at "Poor People Math". If you are not familiar with the term, PPM usually involves calculating exactly when a purchase will hit your bank account, how close it is to payday, and the likelihood of that purchase putting your account in the negative. Often you are trying to figure out how many meals you will have to skip if you rent a movie, or how many pennies you think you can find between now and the end of bank hours.

We considered ourselves very lucky if we had 17 cents in our bank account at the end of the week, and every indulgence required a corresponding sacrifice. I ate once each day, usually around 2 am, and it was carefully chosen from the dollar menu or the "Manager's Special" space at the grocery store where I worked. I remember one week I was going to buy a head of lettuce and my debit card was declined. How embarrassing is that? I had to have one of my cashiers ring me up, and then my debit card was declined... Fortunately, I found 54 cents on the floor so we were able to have a ranch salad topped with Parmesan cheese packets.

Admittedly, that was one of the low points.

This year we have, financially, been better off than I ever could have imagined. I usually don't have to worry about the bank account unless I overspend while grocery/clothes/entertainment shopping or if we make a major purchase.

We really enjoy having less stress, and we are finally getting out of debt. I'm really not sure whether I want to give all of that up for a house... especially for one so small... and expensive...

Decisions, decisions...

the crow flies at midnight...

2008-09-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

So... I was told to stop being so cryptic. Basically, I was afraid that the offending party might read a rant about them and get mad.

The crazy thing is... I don't really care. I'm not saying anything that isn't true, and they are aware that I feel this way, so I don't think expressing my feelings should be a bad thing.

We are planning a trip home at the end of the month because my Mammaw is dying. She has lung cancer, and the doctor gave her 6 months about 4 years ago. She just celebrated her 91st birthday and her health has really gone down since I last saw her.

Since My Husband's family lives a few towns away, we wanted to stop by and see them while we were down. This turned into a huge mess, because they thought that we should entirely devote our trip to them. His Mom wanted to know why we have not made time for his grandma's and basically just wanted to guilt us into canceling plans with my family.

His family came down for about a week a few months ago and were planning to come back in November. Since I have not seen my family in over a year, and My Husband has not seen them in over 2 years, I don't think it's fair that His family want's to monopolize our time.

There was some drama, and My Husband ended up yelling at his parents. He told them that they were being selfish and that if they were going to be jerks we wouldn't see them at all.

I do not want anyone to tell me how I can spend my time. This is my vacation time, and I can use it however I want. I swore that we would not come home again simply to avoid all of this drama, and now I realize that I shouldn't have to stop myself from seeing the people I love.

In other news, we were supposed to go camping with The Roommate and Our Neighbors this weekend, but that didn't happen. I went up to the campsite to drop off The Roommate and hang out for a bit. Then O and I went to pick My Husband up from work. I needed her help to get down the mountain because we got so lost on the way up. We thought we were going to be late, and ended up having to wait for almost 3 hours since My Husband had to sit through a debrief. I don't know all of the specifics, but My Husband took a shot that helped blow something up somewhere in the world. Less than an hour after the debrief, we were roasting marshmallows over a campfire.

It takes someone with amazing mental capacity to go straight from blowing things up, to singing songs and having fun.

In other other news, my skill for the day is lactating. Which, is not so much a skill as a medical concern. Since I'm not pregnant I've made an appointment with the doctor next week to get my hormone levels checked, as well as getting checked for tumors and whatnot.

It scared the crap out of me.

So, for now, everything is great. I've got some pictures taken for a future post, the cat isn't being completely insane, and we have a few hours left to ourselves.

Life is awesome!