and on the 30th day... there was me

Yesterday I celebrated another birthday. No, I will not tell you how old I am. Not because I have some strange fear of getting older, but because the more information I give you, the less anonymous this bog is.

Since this is the day after my birthday, I can officially say that my brother and I are the same age. We will continue to be the same age for another month and a half. Yes, that's right, my brother and I were born 10 and a half months apart. Please refrain from commenting about how my mom really likes sex.

Ew.

Amazingly, I had the option of giving birth on my birthday. How appropriate would that have been?! I decided against it because A) It's my birthday... I don't want to be in labor. B) Then she would never have a special day all to herself.

As it turns out, along with still smoking (yeah, I know, shutthefuckupkthxbai) I have further endangered my baby by having gestational diabetes and preeclampsia. This means that my body isn't producing the right amount of insulin, and my kidneys, liver, and other organs are being damaged.

I was given the option to be induced right away, but we discussed the risks and benefits-- together, my doctor and I decided that we would wait a little bit longer. She said that if the damage looks like it is going to be irreparable, they will induce immediately without hesitation. We want to see if she can at least make it to 37 weeks (which, depending on which date you go with, she already is...)

The absolute last date I will be allowed to carry her will be July 5th. As much as I want a 4th of July baby, I'm not sure that she will be able to hold on that long.

When making this decision, my doctor did not make me fully aware of the dangers associated with my situation. As it turns out, preeclampsia runs in my family and is one of the leading causes of death during pregnancy. For the mother and the baby.

Now, many women with preeclampsia deliver normally and have no trouble at all. The thing is... this apparently runs in my family (which my mom neglected to tell me until yesterday. Happy birthday to me!)

I totally understand her choice and understand why she didn't want to bring it up, but it woud have been nice to let the doctor know right away rather than waiting until my appointment on Friday.

As it turns out, several women in my family have died during childbirth due to preeclampisa. Many of the babies have not survived, even if the mother did. My cousin almost bled to death when she delivered her first child due to complications assosiated with preeclampsia.

One story involves a lady going to her doctor for a high-risk pregnancy checkup in the morning and then, only a few hours later, finding out that her baby had passed without her even knowing.

How is that not supposed to freak me out?

Right now I am counting on all of my hopes and prayers to make sure that this little girl is born safe and healthy and that we both have a wonderful experience. Really, that's the only thing I want for my birthday. I don't mind waiting as long as I can get what I truly want.

I am crazy and pregnant. Do NOT screw with me.

The least you need to know: I pulled a knife on a woman that took a swing at me in the parking lot.

The rest of the story: There I was, driving to work like normal. I was in the far left lane and was moving over to the middle lane, that way I had plenty of time to get into the far right lane and get off at the appropriate exit. There was at least 800 feet between where my vehicle was and the nearest car in the middle lane, so I put on my turn signal and waited 5 seconds before moving over (giving them ample time to know that I was indeed changing lanes)

The bitch sped up.

Not just a little, but enough to almost rear-end me.

Then she honked at me, flipped me off, and made lots of rude gestures.

I was a little pissed since I was following the correct lane changing procedure and she was just being insane, but I let it go.

A little while later, once I moved over to the far right lane, I realized she was following me. Actually, not just following me-- chasing me.

Once I got off at my exit, I pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store so that she wouldn't follow me to work. (That's the last thing I need at work right now... seriously. There was a very important tour and yelling at someone in the parking lot is grounds for termination.)

When we were parked next to each other, we both rolled down our windows and were yelling. She was screaming about what a horrible driver I am and I was screaming just as loud about traffic laws. She called me some very horrible things and then jumped out of her car, screaming "I'm going to kick your ass, you fucking cunt."

So, I hopped out of my car with my knife in my hand.

We were still yelling and then she ran up to me and started swinging.

I flicked open my knife and very nearly stabbed her.

Once she saw my incredibly pregnant stomach and the knife that was coming toward her face, she jumped back and put her hands up "Whoa, let's talk about this! You're right, I did speed up. I didn't want you to get in front of me because I was in a hurry." Then she started apologizing and got back in her car.

I was still yelling and trying to go after her.

She pulled away just as a cop pulled up.

Fortunately, he saw her swing at me and understood that I pulled the knife out to protect myself. He asked me to put the knife down and calmly explained that if I didn't calm down he would have to cuff me and take me in since I would be considered a danger to myself or others.

Then he spent the next 10 minutes trying to talk me into pressing charges. He sent an officer after the other lady, just in case. I let him know that since she didn't actually hit me, it wasn't a problem and that I was just very upset because she had chased me through traffic and then tried to hit me.

After a little while, once I was calm, he let me go and said that they were probably going to arrest her anyway.

Then I got to work. Apparently, I looked like a crazy lady that had just been in a fight, so I had to tell my co-workers what happened.

The tale started with "I almost went to jail this morning."

It's an awesome story.

Screw that, I'm still celebrating

Mother's day is on Sunday, and though I'm not technically a mother yet... I feel like I should be included. My Husband is less than thrilled because he hates giving gifts. He, for some reason, thinks that he is not a very good gift giver and will occasionally throw himself into hysterics trying to pick something out.

For this reason, I had to purchase his mom's Mother's Day gift. And have it shipped. And I had to get my Mom's. Am I going to have to get my own?

For my mom, we all went in and bought her gift. By all of us, I mean my brother, dad, and I. Meaning, I picked it out and had them approve it, then they paid me back. Mom has always put our needs above her own. I can distinctly remember the day I discovered she had been wearing the same underwear for, like, 6 years because she was too busy with work, making sure we had clothes to wear, cleaning the house, making dinner and doing all of those wonderful mom things, to go to the store and new bras and panties. She argued that they went under her clothing so it didn't matter what they looked like.

I don't remember very many times when I was younger that we would go on a shopping trip just for her. She was so busy making sure we had everything that we needed, she really forgot about herself. Looking back, I wish I had realized what she was sacrificing and helped her out more. I could have made things so much easier on her but I was selfish and too self centered to realize that she was giving up so much.

When My Husband was in basic training, mom and I went shopping one day and we were looking through handbags at a discount store. There was a really cute bag that mom liked so she asked me how much it was. I told her that the tag said $170. She immediately turned away and said "Oh no, I wouldn't pay that much if it were Dooney & Bourke!" I let her know that it was a Dooney & Bourke bag and she looked at it again. "Well, that's not bad... but it's still too expensive. I'll look over here instead." and went to the clearance section.

At that time, I wasn't familiar with the designer and didn't really think much of it. When we got in the car, I asked her about the brand and she told me about the big logo trend in the late 70's and how Dooney & Bourke's quality and reputation justified the price, though she would never pay that much for a purse.

Well, a few months ago, we started carrying the Dooney & Bourke brand at my job. I remembered that conversation with my mom and decided that I HAD to get her a bag. The only thing is, she would have killed me. She does not like for me to buy her anything because she thinks I need to save my money for when the baby comes. (Yeah, but, presents!)

Mother's day was the perfect excuse, so we all pitched in and got her a moderately priced D&B handbag. Since it arrived on Monday, I told her that she had to go ahead and open it. The first words out of her mouth were "You guys can't afford that! I can't believe you woud spend so much money, it's too much. You shouldn't have done that."

Yes, we should have. We shoud have done it years ago.